Sunday, November 26, 2006
The Butt Heads in my life......
You ever wonder about the differences in people? How two people can be so very different? I mean some differences are good, it is a challenge, but I find some differences that are too big to come to terms with.
My daugther's ex for example is a habitual liar. Now, this is true. I know it's true. Yet each and every time he talks and says something to me, I want to believe him. I want to give him the shadow of the doubt. What he says sounds so plausible. Then what happens? It turns out to be a lie. I'm not saying I never lie, but I try to never lie without good reason. So it is hard for me to believe and wrap my head around the fact that this person can be such a liar.
When my mother died, the year or two before was so hard on me (her too). I watched my grandson every day full time and I went to my mother's some thirty minutes away, every night - every weekend. I arranged everything for her. Finances, room, meals, laundry, doctors, medicines, and of course her poor body. She was so scared and they tried meds to help her, but never did get the dosage right. Even when I think of her now, I am so sad, yet I know she is happy herself now. I guess I needed meds to get through all that stress. Each and every time I saw her and the pain and fear she was in, stabbed me, but I faithfully came no matter what it did to me - because I loved her. Love is not easy.
I know someone whose father is in the process of dying. They live about 800 miles apart. They see their dad one day a year - they drive one day, visit one day, day, and drives home the next. They do the minimum amount so they can check it off their to do list, duties done. Oh it hurts them to see their father decline, however, there are a tons of 'buts and reasons' that make things okay in their mind to only do the minimum.
I don't think these people want to feel. I think they think if they ever really do feel the pain,that they may die themselves, that they couldn't handle it. I think they are afraid. This trait, I believe, also closes off the relationship to any others that might be connected to this person. I've only know three people like this in fifty years. I feel sorry for them, they probably feel sorry for me. How can someone be this way? I mean literally? I couldn't not feel if I spent a hundred years trying too. Again, I can't wrap my brain around this and I am so frustrated.
How can two people so polarly different ever get a long? I just don't know the answer.
Live and feel people. If you say, I'm going to do this or I'm going to do that I promise, then do it! Why promise? To not hurt the other person? Tell you what, it hurts more to be promised something and it not carried out, then the truth at the time.
The truth sets everyone free.
'Chatty Cathy' Crone