And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin
Why do I just LOVE that quote? Because I finally 'get' it.
There does come a moment (lots of moments) in every ones life and I mean every ones - when you come to a crossroad - when you have to make choices about your life. I guess if you're absolutely perfect you don't have to worry about it, but if you're not - you'll have to make a decision whether you will stay the same way you've always been or if you're willing to open your eyes and work on changing. And it's never too late by the way.
It starts from when we're born until the day we die. Little things like risking that first step to get somewhere faster and give up crawling. Doing well in school by studing or failing. Taking drugs or staying clean. Those are decisions too. Of course the older we get the bigger they become.
What about the little girl at my grandson's school who looks so incredibly sad? Someday she will have to take a risk deciding whether to stay unhappy or learn how to become happy. She'll have the choice to let go of her anger and hurt feelings of being different and she'll have to learn to love her self in spite of everything or stay a victim.
Reframing - Part 2
Then you have to decide if you want to change the problems.
Next you have to admit to having problems.
Lastly you must make a decision - are you going to take that risk and change or are you going to stay the same? It's no one's choice but yours. And may I say, it can be like a kick in the gut when you look at yourself and admit how you really are. (Notice all action verbs).
I guess I did all this, but when I first started out I had no idea that I was doing this - all I knew is that I was in pain and I wanted out of the pain I was in. Now there are many ways besides changing to get out of pain. You can go back into a shell and put blinders on and just continue forward - but that takes a lot of energy to hide yourself. It's a lonely place too. You can take drugs and anesthetize yourself. Living in the land of the living dead. You can get the overly busy disease. Kind of stressful. Lastly you could commit suicide. Which causes pain to everyone.
A side note here, I ordered the Total Transformation Series - is a behavior modification program - to help with my grandson. Actually it can be used for the entire family (teehee). I listened to some of it yesterday and you what the leading cause of suicide is in teenagers? You think it's depression? No, it's lack of knowing what to do to change your situation or what you could do differently or thinking you have no options. It said that out of 100% of the kids who try to commit suicide the 20% who succeed are the ones that truly feel they don't know what to do, where to go for help, or how to fix the problem. He feels therapy is bunk (I don't), he says you need to train - train - train - your child what to do in social situations. Training is everything. I think both are important, that's another story. Anyway, that is kind of what I've been saying here in my Blog. You have to train yourself to be happy. Why it doesn't come naturally, is yet another subject.
When I started out I had all these choices too - the only one except staying the same and hiding. My body and mind wouldn't let me do that. It started turning on me health wise. So I decided I needed to change. At first I used to be able to see where I wanted to be and where I wanted to go - my only problem was how to get there - how to cross the bridge. I was so close yet so far away.
There is only one way to cross the bridge and get to where you want. You have to open up and look at yourself so you can keep the parts of yourself that you want and lose the parts of yourself you don't want and go forward! Go if it's painful, go if it's scary, go if it's unknown, just go.
That was the beginning of me starting to open my bud. What is a bud? A bud is the very deepest inside of something. The part that is locked up tight. The deepest part of oneself. We keep our deepest secrets here. Our dreams. Our sadness's. Our pains. Our inner child is in there - who we try to protect at any cost. We have to be willing to open all these things up, put them out on the table, and look at them. Some of them aren't so pretty either.
Today, my flower continues to be open - truthfully it can not close now. I must grow. I burnt the bridge back to the other side of where I came. Plus I do know if I didn't continue this journey I'd be short changing myself.
If you chose to open up and look at yourself and change - you'll start on a the voyage of a life time. At times I have wondered if it would've been safer not to open myself up, but my soul stops me from thinking that way and pushes me forward. I'm becoming what I'm supposed to become.
Does that mean I get everything I want and need - no. Have I taken risks and failed - yes. Does anyone see me grow - no. (I think the people closest to me have seen me evolve, but not the average outsider). Does anyone know I'm growing - not really. And you know what - it doesn't matter! I'm doing it for me.
The most important thing is that I know and that I'm fulfilling my life's purpose – and I think part of my purpose is to help others. What happens when a flower blooms? No one sees it actually blooming - yet it fulfills its purpose – to grow, to bud and to bloom. It then shows others beauty and peace. We all have a purpose and we should all give something back.
Beauty within - beauty without - my grandma always said. That's why I like that incredibly large picture (don't know how to make it smaller) at the bottom of my Blog.
Imagination is the highest kite one can fly. -Lauren Bacall (imagination is a wonderful place to start).
Chatty - I am kind of long winded today, but I hope by sharing, I've given someone hope.