Back on July 9th I did something out of the ordinary. I started the morning attending the divorce of a friend of mine. She asked me to come to give her moral support.
I was so nervous and stressed and it wasn't even involving me! Maybe I was remembering my daughter's divorce. I thought about how when you first get married you're so happy and carefree. Knowing for sure that it will last forever. You never think that you;ll be in divorce court. Then life happens, and then you could end up these very unhappy divorced couples.
How does one get from that good place (point A) to that bad place (point B)?
Well maybe they weren't a good match to begin with. They didn't 'know' themselves yet, let alone the real person they were marrying. Your childhood/past has a lot to do with who you marry. If you have unfinished business with your parents, you tend to marry someone with the same issues so you can 'finish' your business you didn't finish with them.
Maybe it's because one spouse outgrows the other spouse. One person growing and the other person not growing changes the 'original pair'. Maybe opposites don't attract. Maybe there is no chemistry. There's something to say about chemistry and if you don't have it how can you make it? (I'm not sure at all why my daughter married her ex and I don't think she did either.) Maybe it's for children. Maybe to leave home when you can't do it any other way. Who knows?
There are a lot of reasons. This could be the topic of an entire Blog for me, but that's not what I want to talk about today. All I'm saying here, is marry for the right reasons (and that means you have to know yourself) than marry just to be married for the wrong reasons. And make sure your intendee knows him or herself first too. (A little advice).
Going back to my story, there were three women there to support my friend at her divorce. After it was over we went for coffee. Another memory was made, another bonding experience, making us even stronger women. I know what we've all been though and I can say that we are strong women.
After we talked about the divorce, they started telling me about a book signing and wine tasting party that night. They asked me to go. At first I said no, I had already promised my daughter to babysit and I had my girlfriend in from out of town.
I did however mention to them I had written a book and they really said then that I needed to go. I could ask questions, get information. It might have been God opening this door for me. Then my defining moment came and a 'click' moment happened. I was going to go to the book signing. How, I didn't know.
All of a sudden one of the girl's insisted on babysitting for a couple of hours so that I could go, that I needed to go for myself. I hadn't ever thought about her babysitting. You see once committed, even if you don't know how it will work out - things will work out! I think this is 'The Secret' in action. And Goethe's poem, "Until One Is Committed there is a chance of hesitancy, a chance to . . . . All really one and the same.
I went! I got re-inspired. I learned more about editing. Now I have a 'place' to ask questions and two personal resources. My book being published seems more real. I found something new and interesting to do and had fun in the process - with wine and food. And best of all I'm one step closer to getting my book published.
I had brought a copy of my manuscript and gave it to my friend to read (remember she liked it). She called the past Sunday to return it - that's when we went out to dinner and made yet another wonderful memory. All this because I said one little word - yes, not even knowing how I was going to do it! I let myself open up to see what would happen.
Not really a big deal you say, but imagine if you did this everywhere in your life. Hmmmm? All I had to do was say yes, and then the answer followed. Everything that happened after that one yes, took me to a better place - a new journey. I love new journeys!
I two writer's, a Patti Callahan Henry and Mary Alice Monroe speak. Both had written about 5 published books!. They inspired me to get going again. I have my book, I have it edited, now onto trying to get it published!
Mary Alice Monroe's book this time was "Time Is A River". She herself is a breast cancer survivor, so it was about a breast cancer survivor. She talked about that there were two types of surviving - one a physical and one a spiritual survival. Sometimes we get locked inside because fear of the unknown. You have to ground yourself, let go, and live. See what life has in store for you.
Now this is the funny thing - I've always wanted to go Fly Fishing. Why do I want to go fly fishing I always ask myself. I finally got my answer. Fly fishing is a metaphor for healing. Two steps forward and one step back. Fly fishing is back and forth. Did you know it is the fastest growing sport for woman? There is even a Fly Fishing retreat for women with breast cancer - to heal with the comradely and the serenity of nature. Catch and release.
The main character had to ask herself, "What am I surviving for? I've lost my husband, my hair. . . " It was her journey on how to survive and grow through cancer. She lost her breast and found herself.
She talked about vistas. Like out west when the ocean meets the sand. It is so large and we are so small - putting ourselves into proper perspective in the universe. Or like the Grand Canyon - some huge vast area and there you stand one single speck in the universe.
Patti Henry's book was about a woman whose husband had just died and her journey to find herself. She said this was the idea of the book. WHAT IF EVERYTHING YOU BELIEVE ISN'T TRUE? What if there is one tiny crack or flaw in your belief system? Once the crack starts to enlarge - everything will be brought out to the surface. The women's life was built around her husband. She believed she couldn't survive alone. The crack - her husband died. And everything in her life had to be brought out to the surface and inspected. She then had to learn to take care of herself and build her own life.
They said that "life is like a car trip and so is writing books - you've got a destination in mind, but we don't know what detours we'll have to go through to get there".
My point is how one move on our part, leads to many other opportunities. Say yes to life. And don't forget to write your story with a good ending.
My point is how one move on our part, leads to many other opportunities. Say yes to life. And don't forget to write your story with a good ending.
Chatty
1 comment:
Wow, I'm so glad I came across your blog - you've given me plenty to think about. I personally have been married 4 times. I've decided to quit looking for someone to fulfill me and submit to the Lord.
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