Friday, June 05, 2009
Subject: It's a Masterpiece
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from
her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog
says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that
it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain
elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the
bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger
out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he
wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is
(you're gonna love this)
(its a real treat)
(wait for it)
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's
a Rolling Stone."
(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)
Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned, I know you
Have a lovely day
IF YOU'RE LIKE ME YOU REALLY DON'T THINK OF YOURSELF AS REALLY
BEING THAT OLD........ THIS PUTS A NEW TWIST ON THAT THOUGHT......!
This is sent only to those whose level of maturity qualifies them to relate to it...
1977: Long hair
2007 : Longing for hair
1977 : Acid rock
2007 : Acid reflux
1977 : Moving to California because it's cool
2007 : Moving to Arizona because it's warm
1977 : Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2007: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1977 : Seeds and stems
2007 : Roughage
1977 : Hoping for a BMW
2007: Hoping for a BM
1977 : Going to a new, hip joint
2007 : Receiving a new hip joint
1977 : Rolling Stones
2007: Kidney Stones
1977 : Screw the system
2007: Upgrade the system
1977 : Disco
1977 : Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2007: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1977 : Passing the drivers' test
2007: Passing the vision test
1977 : Whatever
Just in case you weren't didn't feel older from the past story here are some more things to think about.
The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1989.
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
The CD was introduced the year they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane."
They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
9 WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying (something not to nice)
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.