“I've always thought that a big laugh is a really loud noise from the soul saying, 'Ain't that the truth.'” —Quincy Jones
Questions and Answers from an AARP Forum
Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore under fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement.
When you're done you'll have a place to live.
Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: "And Mary rode Joseph's donkey all the way to Egypt."
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.
Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem. Retrieving it is the problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these!"
THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND.
THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.
THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.
'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.
A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG.
THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR.. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'
THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE.
SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM.
SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.
THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT.......I'M GETTING A FAX!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdJT5hjRSR4&feature=email You Tube - The Power of a Story
2009’s First Christmas Joke
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said,
'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on.
'It represents a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The man replied, 'These are Carol's.' .......
And So The Christmas Season Begins......
Oh one of my favorite writers and philosophers was born today in 1875! I should devote the world blog to him. Rainer Maria Rilke is considered one of the German language's greatest 20th-century poets. His haunting images focus on the difficulty of communion with the ineffable in an age of disbelief, solitude, and profound anxiety.
"I beg you…to have patience with everything unsolved within your heart
and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books
written in a very foreign language,