For 2017

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Monday, February 01, 2010

Friendships

Today this is about people who shoot arrows in our heart. Do you know what I mean? Do you have any people who just shoot arrows into you for no apparent reason?

I have an angel friend now for 30+ years. We go way back. I KNOW her. She has helped me and prayed for me and been there for me - she carries me sometimes and hopefully I do the same for her

She is a Christian, she's positive, she's happy - yet she has some concerns in her life.

One being her daughter's MIL. Oh boy. Her daughter has been married 3 years now and she has tried to be friends with this lady a million times in a million ways. It makes her sad. She is not used to people not liking her and snubbing her

And this MIL never talks to her when they are together, never answers an email, tells her son what my friend does that she doesn't like, and I guess just doesn't like my friend.

As we wrote back and forth and I told her she had to let go - not try anymore. Not to be mean, just don't try so hard to be friends with her. Was that good advise? This MIL doesn't know what she is missing having a friend like this.

Do you have people around you (toxic people) that being around makes you sick. It seems that they shoot arrows into you and you're always having to pull them out of yourself.

Negative people. Why are people so negative? Now if you don't live with them - it is easier to let go - but what if you live with them? What do you do?

Have you ever had a person in your life - who you wanted to be friends with and they were just cold or cool towards you? I know I have one in my life . . .

Hey, and I'm not talking about Cupid's arrow - that is another story! teehee



Happy Birthday to Clark Gable from Wikipedia - very interesting man - I put the website below:

At seventeen, Gable was inspired to be an actor after seeing the play The Bird of Paradise, but he was not able to make a real start until he turned 21 and inherited money. By then, his stepmother Jennie had died and his father moved to Tulsa to go back to the oil business.

He toured in stock companies and worked the oil fields and as a horse manager. Gable found work with several second-class theater companies and worked his way across the Midwest to Portland, Oregon, where he found work as a necktie salesman in the Meier & Frank department store.

While there, he met actress Laura Hope Crews, who encouraged him to go back to the stage and into another theater company. His acting coach was a theater manager in Portland, Oregon, Josephine Dillon (seventeen years his senior). And who later became his first wife.

Dillon paid to have his teeth repaired and his hair styled. She guided him in building up his chronically undernourished body, and taught him better body control and posture. She spent considerable time training his naturally high-pitched voice, which Gable slowly managed to lower, and he gained better resonance and tone. As his speech habits improved, Gable's facial expressions became more natural and convincing. After the long period of rigorous training, she eventually considered him ready to attempt a film career.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clark_Gable

19 comments:

The imPerfect Housewife said...

Wow, you really hit home today with me. YES, I have someone in my life like that, which is sort of why I did the post I did last night about judging people. I am a Christian with all my heart and for some reason, this girl constantly feels the need to OUT-Christian me - she's holier, she loves God more because she does XYZ, she judges not just me but everyone around her and it's such a turn-off. I'm venting but in a nutshell, yes you did the right thing telling your friend to quit trying so hard! Have a good day ~ she's very blessed to have you. ♥

Gaston Studio said...

I think it's good advice because if she continues to pursue the "relationship" she'll just continue to get disappointed... why set yourself up for disappointment?

Linda said...

Great Post Sandie! Yes your friend should stop trying. It is giving power to the other person to keep trying to be their friend. Some people just get off on being negative and see who they can bring down with them. I also live with someone who is VERY negative and it's very difficult. Hard to walk away from this person. I have said, I will not participate in the negative parts of this relationship. I must remain positive or I will be unhappy and I'm not going to do that.

Joycee said...

It does hit home with most of us! Sadly I've been "doing backflips" to work my way into my MIL's heart for 40 years, but it's not gonna happen. I don't think it's me, it's her loss but I still try out of obligation.

Knitty said...

Oh yes...toxic people, energy drains...they are so depressing aren't they? Sadly, sometimes they are people we have to interact with from time to time, either in family situations or in the work place.

Somewhere along the aging process, I realized that nothing I could ever do would change the outlook of such people. Once you can let go of the need to try to win them over or make their lives more pleasant (by your standards), you'll be much happier. You can spend your energy where it will actually do some good.

Susan Wicker said...

Hi Sandie....Oh yeah, if we are human, there are definitely going to be people like you described in today's post. It's so hard to do, but when we can just accept people the way they are and not the way we want them to be, it makes it better. When someone shoots arrows at me, I just like to back away and stay at quite a distance from the person. No sense in trying to be friends with someone who is toxic. No siree. Too many good people in the world than to waste precious minutes with the baddies. Thanks for the post. Sincerely, Susan from writingstraightfromtheheart.blogspot.com

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

Isn't there some famous quote somewhere about how nobody with any character at all can be friends with *everybody*? I mean, you'd have t be a washrag to have everybody in the whole world like you. Yes, I think she should let it go, brush it off and think "tough, her loss"

jaz@octoberfarm said...

i sure do have someone...two in my life like this. my husband;s mother and sister never gave me the time of day. i haven't had anythig to do with them in 27 years. the mother is 88 and a widow now and i make all of her food. she's never thanked me, eats like a pig, and never acknowledges where the food comes from.i sent the food to her with my husband and she takes and eats every bit if it. i have been making her breakfast, lunch and dinner every day for the last three years. i think she thinks i owe it to her. ugh!

Angela said...

Did you meet my Out-law Sandie! lol That woman is the worst! Thank God I don't have to deal with her anymore! No, she's not dead, yet...... She will never like me and I will never like her because of the way she treats me, her son and my kids. She is missing out!

Hugs,
Angela

ClassyChassy said...

I had toxic people in my life, but I think they are all gone, now, thank goodness!

^..^Corgidogmama said...

I feel very blessed to have the family and friends that I have. Maybe only a handful of toxic people in my entire life. None now that I can think of. How exhausting and fruitless to try to gain favor and acceptance from a MIL like that...sheesh.
How interesting about Clark Gable. Who would have thought that he wasn't always that gorgeous, hunka hunka of man? Goes to show, that people come into our lives at different times for different purposes. Heaven sent, you think?
First day at the new library job went well. I love it, and am happy to be back in that atmosphere...and working again!

Marjorie (Molly) Smith said...

Sandie, I think we all have a person in our lives like that. I know I am kinda like your friend, I want everyone to like me, I try so hard..I will bend over backwards to accommodate folks, and put myself second...I need to learn to say no...but I have decided to back off from this one person, because nothing I do seems to matter. She still talks about me behind my back..she is rude to me. When I make a comment she tries to make me look foolish or just pure dumb... she is constantly correcting what I say or how I pronounce words...but when she needs something I am the first one she calls.
You did right to tell her to stop trying. She doesn't have to be around her at all. I wish I could say the same.
Molly
PS Marissa goes home tomorrow night so maybe I'll have more time to talk.

That corgi :) said...

gotta feel sorry for your friend's son to have to listen to his MIL especially when she puts his mother down; makes you wonder if the MIL hasn't grasped that scripture of leaving and cleeving and allow the kids to develop their own relationship without her being there to cause problems. such a shame

betty

Carol............. said...

Good post.

Some people are just "energy vampires" and understand nothing about the give and take that true friendships entail.

PlantSomeRoots@Lakewood said...

This is an interesting post and very thought provoking. We all have/had people in our lives who just cause problems. Best to walk away.
Cindy at Lakewood

Joyce said...

Behind every great man there is a woman like CGs wife:) I think that we all have gone the extra mile to be friends with someone but then have learned to walk away. I liked your 10/90 theory. I need to remember this one when someone cuts me off in traffic when my reaction is to yell and honk my horn:) Now I will smile and just wave at them while I yell under my breath:)
Joyce

Tweedles -- that's me said...

I don't see people shoot arrows at me. I don't look. I don't want to know. I do not want to see.
I try to stay away from toxic.
I stay away from crankypants too.
I like to search for silver linings in the clouds. Sometimes it takes awhile. I like people who also search and accept me for who I am.
love
tweedles

Judi said...

I have worked with someone for nearly 10 years who can be very loving--or very difficult--all within seconds. She is really excellent at throwing out little zingers that appear innocent at first hearing--until you really think about them.

She's recently had her share of heartbreak (her husband, who had been ill for years, suddenly died of a massive heart attack), and I have supported her 100 per cent.

It's very hard to be friends with her, although I always do my best, because I never know when those zingers are going to shoot my way.

I should mention that she does this to everyone; she's not just singling me out.

ocmist said...

I'm reading these backwards, but I agree with one of the comments on one of the blogs about how great you are doing at building people up and giving us such wonderful things to think about... Life changing things if we will take them to heart!

I've had to work with archers before... Praise God, though it's taken some time, MOST of them have come around after a lot of prayer, but there are always a few that I just have to put distance between... I DO keep praying for them, but for my own sake, I have to wait until God works with them before I could be close again.