For 2017

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Friday, May 14, 2010

Fun Friday - Take a laugh break . . .







A new Publix Supermarket opened in Canton, Ga. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh cut hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks and brauts.

In the liquor department, the fresh, clean, crisp smell of tapped Miller Lite.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.



CURTAIN RODS----PRICELESS

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left... When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked!!!

People stopped coming over to visit..
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local Realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10 th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home........

And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?





I can almost feel myself losing weight . . . by forwarding this to you! You'll understand at the end.

I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be . . . Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck), you'll probably relate.

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives
us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around..

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, 'Listen, honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too.'

Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, cellphone carrying teenager and think, 'For this I have stretch marks?'

In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally--more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.

Mid-life means that you become more reflective. You start pondering the 'big' questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important.
We realize that breasts sag, hips expand, and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired.. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!










NO NURSING HOME FOR US (angela)

No nursing home for us. We are checking into the Holiday Inn!
With the average cost for a nursing home care costing $188.00 per day, there is a better way when we get old and feeble.

We have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount, it's $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for: Breakfast, lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge and washer-dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.

$5 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you. They treat you like a customer, not a patient.

There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).

To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays.

For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in one place forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii ? They have a Holiday Inn there too.

TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience.

The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are ok. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation.

The grand kids can use the pool.

What more can you ask for?



Happy birthday George Lucas - Wikipedia

Lucas was born in Modesto, California, the son of Dorothy Lucas and George Lucas Sr. (1913–1991), who owned a stationery store.[2]

Lucas' experiences growing up in the sleepy Central Valley town of Modesto and his early passion for cars and motor racing would eventually serve as inspiration for his Oscar-nominated low-budget phenomenon, American Graffiti. Long before Lucas became obsessed with film making, he wanted to be a race-car driver, and he spent most of his high school years racing on the underground circuit at fairgrounds and hanging out at garages. However, a near-fatal accident in his souped-up Autobianchi Bianchina on June 12, 1962, just days before his high school graduation, quickly changed his mind. Instead of racing, he attended community college and later got accepted into a junior college to study anthropology. While taking liberal arts courses, he developed a passion for cinematography and camera tricks.

In 1969, Lucas married film editor Marcia Lou Griffin, who went on to win an Academy Award for her editing work on the original (Episode IV) Star Wars film. George and Marcia adopted a daughter, Amanda, in 1981, and divorced in 1983. Lucas has since adopted two more children: Katie, born in 1988, and Jett, born in 1993. All three of his children have appeared in the three Star Wars prequels, as has Lucas himself. Lucas had been in a long relationship with and engaged to singer Linda Ronstadt. He has been dating Mellody Hobson, president of Ariel Investments, since 2006.

Lucas was born and raised in a strongly Methodist family. The religious and mythical themes in Star Wars were inspired by Lucas' interest in the writings of anthropologist Joseph Campbell, and he would eventually come to identify strongly with the Eastern religious philosophies he studied and incorporated into his movies, which were a major inspiration for "the Force". Lucas eventually came to state that his religion was "Buddhist Methodist". Lucas resides in Marin County. Lucas has said that he is a fan of Seth MacFarlane's hit TV show Family Guy. MacFarlane has said that Lucasfilm was extremely helpful when the Family Guy crew wanted to parody their works.

16 comments:

Susan said...

Dear Sandie...ha ha ha ha hahahah Now I've had my chuckle for the day and I'm off to swimming. Thanks for the laughter. Sincerely, Susan

Helen said...

A wonderful post to begin my weekend and I thank you!

Together We Save said...

Have I mentioned just how much I love stopping by for these laugh breaks!! Publix... toliet paper.. oh my!!

Linda said...

I laughed out loud at the Publix joke! That is tooooo funny! Love all you posts but Fridays crack me up! Love you!

Angela said...

Hey Sandie!

You sure had some really good funnies today! Loved the one about the woman and the curtain rods! I'll keep that in mind should I ever need it!

Hope you have a Great Weekend!
Angela

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

Laughed at 'em all -- made our reservation at the Holiday Inn ;>). I read that one to Bill, he said he wanted to check onto a cruise ship instead though.

Homemade Quilts by Granny said...

LoL...SOUND BETTER THEN A NURSEING HOME. Trish

Melanie said...

Oh, Sandie, you've done it again, dear friend. I've sat here and laughed until I cried!!
Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!
Have a fabulous weekend!! :)

^..^Corgidogmama said...

Y'know...that Holiday Inn thing doesn't sound half bad!!!

Crystal Mary said...

I was feeling a bit sad today, then found your Blog and had a merry chuckle, cackle...and hilarious mirthful laugh, now I am ready to get going..
Hubby is at golf.
Its chilly in the house (winter is coming) but sunny outdoors. The birds as slowly taking off Outback to Uluru for more early day warmth... and I have been blessed to read your words of encouragement... Good onya mate, love it. Have joined as Faith Hope Loves Saves.
Big hug to you from Oz.

Sue said...

You had me going with the Publix thing...I was wondering why me dairy case doesn't moo??....and I always love reading about moving into a Holiday Inn when you retire...I think that is a grest idea...I wonder if anyone has done that yet??

Sherry from Alabama said...

You are so funny! I have laughed so hard. Thank you for visiting my Pink Saturday post this week, and I got the palm tree terry robe from JC Penney. I think it's probably meant to be a bathing suit cover-up but I love it to wear around home. Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Sherry @ A Happy Valentine

BECKY said...

Wow! There's a lot of stuff on your blog today! I forgot already what all I wanted to comment on! :)
That is really cool about the Publix sound effects and aromas...and Yeah, very funny about the TP!!

Mimi said...

Hi Sandie!!!!
I so loved everything you wrote today!!!!The Holiday Inn story has me thinking!!!I love it!!!!I would LOVE LOVE to retire there!!!!I may make a reservation soon!!!!
Mid life is GREAT isn't it!!!!I love it most days, other ---don't ask!!!!
have a good one
love and hugs,
jamie

The Quintessential Magpie said...

Sandie, this was your post ever! LOL! I'm laughing so hard that my poor aching sides and muscles hurt. LOL!

That was priceless about the x-wife, and that dog commerical was a hoot. What made it even better is the addition of the cat to the crime scene. LOL!

Thanks. I needed this laugh.

XO,

Sheila :-)

ocmist said...

Sandie, your Fun Fridays are so NOT a good idea to read at 2:30 a.m.! For one thing, I'm always afraid of waking up Mike by laughing out loud to LOUDLY, and I usually have put off going to the restroom and THAT is also NOT GOOD! It becomes more of a laugh leak...

I LOVE your little Pug Vader, too!
Gee... Modesto isn't that far from here. About an hour's drive or a bit more I think. I love finding out about so many people when I visit here! Linda