Is anyone out there having trouble uploading pictures or is it just me? I want to scream!
Okay - what is this a picture of - thinkg about it - the answer is below.
What is this picture called?
A doctor, just after an examination of his female patient, sighed and said, "I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order."
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting, saying "Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini."
After 3 or 4 drinks, the two were feeling a little less sad. There were some laughs and more martinis.
The two were eventually approached by some of the woman's friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, "I've been diagnosed with AIDS." the woman said. Her friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.
After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered to her Mom, "I thought you were dying of cancer, but you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?" She replied, "Honey, it's because I don't want any of those gals sleeping with your father after I'm gone."
And THAT, my friends, is what is called, "Putting Your Affairs In Order!"
(I'm gonna remember this one!) HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
And what is this one called?
1. How can you arrange for two people to stand on the same
piece of newspaper and yet be unable to touch each other
without stepping off the newspaper?
2. How many 3-cent stamps are there in a dozen?
3. A rope ladder hangs over the side of a ship. The rungs
are one foot apart and the ladder is 12 feet long. The
tide is rising at four inches an hour. How long will it
take before the first four rungs of the ladder are
4. Which would you rather have, a trunk full of nickels or
a trunk half full of dimes?
5. Steve has three piles of sand and Mike has four piles
of sand. If they put them all together, how many do they
6. In which sport are the shoes made entirely of metal?
7. If the Vice President of the United States should die,
who would be President?
8. How can you throw a golf ball with all your might
and–without hitting a wall or any other obstruction–have
the ball stop and come right back to you?
9. Find the English word that can be formed from all these
+ + + + +
1. Slide the newspaper half way under a closed door and
ask the two people to stand on the bit of newspaper on
their side of the door.
2. There are twelve (not four).
3. Actually, the ladder will rise with the ship!
4. Dimes are smaller than nickels, so choose the dimes!
5. If they put them all together, there will be one pile.
6. Horse racing.
7. The President.
8. Throw the ball straight up.
A husband and wife are Shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' Asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them!' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the wife picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser, and it's half the price.'
He didn't have time to duck.
Happy Birthday to Alfred Hitchcock - fitting for Friday the 13th - wikipedia
Hitchcock at work on location in San Francisco.By this time, Hitchcock had filmed in many areas of the United States. He followed Vertigo with three more successful films. All are also recognized as among his very best films: North by Northwest (1959), Psycho (1960) and The Birds (1963).
In North by Northwest, Cary Grant portrays Roger Thornhill, a Madison Avenue advertising executive who is mistaken for a government secret agent. He is hotly pursued by enemy agents across America, one of them Eve Kendall (Eva Marie Saint), who turns out to really be an American double agent.
Psycho is considered by some to be Hitchcock's most famous film. Produced on a highly constrained budget of $800,000, it was shot in black-and-white on a spare set. The unprecedented violence of the shower scene, the early demise of the heroine, the innocent lives extinguished by a disturbed murderer were all hallmarks of Hitchcock, copied in many subsequent horror films. After completing Psycho, Hitchcock moved to Universal, where he made the remainder of his films.
The Birds, inspired by a Daphne Du Maurier short story and by an actual news story about a mysterious infestation of birds in California, was Hitchcock's 49th film. He signed up Tippi Hedren as his latest blonde heroine opposite Rod Taylor. The scenes of the birds attacking included hundreds of shots mixing actual and animated sequences. The cause of the birds' attack is left unanswered, "perhaps highlighting the mystery of forces unknown".
The latter two films were particularly notable for their unconventional soundtracks, both orchestrated by Bernard Herrmann: the screeching strings played in the murder scene in Psycho exceeded the limits of the time, and The Birds dispensed completely with conventional instruments, instead using an electronically produced soundtrack and an unaccompanied song by school children (just prior to the infamous attack at the historic Bodega Bay School). These films are considered his last great films, after which it is said his career started to lose pace (although some critics, such as Robin Wood and Donald Spoto, contend that Marnie, from 1964, is first-class Hitchcock, and some have argued that Frenzy is unfairly overlooked).
Failing health took its toll on Hitchcock, reducing his output during the last two decades of his career. Hitchcock filmed two spy thrillers. The first, Torn Curtain (1966), with Paul Newman and Julie Andrews, was a Cold War thriller. Torn Curtain displays the bitter end of the twelve-year collaboration between Hitchcock and composer Bernard Herrmann. Herrmann was fired when Hitchcock was unsatisfied with his score. In 1969, Topaz, another Cold War-themed film (based on a Leon Uris novel), was released. Both received mixed reviews from critics.
In 1972, Hitchcock returned to London to film Frenzy, his last major triumph. After two only moderately successful espionage films, the plot marks a return to the murder thriller genre that he made so many films out of earlier in his career. The basic story recycles his early film The Lodger. Richard Blaney (Jon Finch), a volatile barkeeper with a history of explosive anger, becomes the prime suspect for the "Necktie Murders", which are actually committed by his friend Bob Rusk (Barry Foster). This time, Hitchcock makes the victim and villain twins, rather than opposites, as in Strangers on a Train. Only one of them, however, has crossed the line to murder. For the first time, Hitchcock allowed nudity and profane language, which had before been taboo, in one of his films. He also shows rare sympathy for the chief inspector and his comic domestic life.
Biographers have noted that Hitchcock had always pushed the limits of film censorship, often managing to fool Joseph Breen, the longtime head of Hollywood's Production Code. Many times Hitchcock slipped in subtle hints of improprieties forbidden by censorship until the mid-1960s. Yet Patrick McGilligan wrote that Breen and others often realized that Hitchcock was inserting such things and were actually amused as well as alarmed by Hitchcock's "inescapable inferences". Beginning with Torn Curtain, Hitchcock was finally able to blatantly include plot elements previously forbidden in American films and this continued for the remainder of his film career.
Family Plot (1976) was Hitchcock's last film. It related the escapades of "Madam" Blanche Tyler played by Barbara Harris, a fraudulent spiritualist, and her taxi driver lover Bruce Dern making a living from her phony powers. William Devane, Karen Black and Cathleen Nesbitt co-starred. It was the only Hitchcock film scored by John Williams.
Near the end of his life, Hitchcock had worked on the script for a projected spy thriller, The Short Night, collaborating with screenwriters James Costigan and Ernest Lehman. Despite some preliminary work, the story was never filmed. This was due primarily to Hitchcock's own failing health and his concerns over the health of his wife, Alma, who had suffered a stroke. The script was eventually published posthumously, in a book on Hitchcock's last years.
Hitchcock died on the 29th April 1980, 9:17AM. He died peacefully in his sleep due to renal failure in his Bel Air, Los Angeles, California home at the age of 80, survived by his wife and their daughter. His funeral service was held at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Beverly Hills. Hitchcock's body was cremated and his ashes were scattered over the Pacific Ocean.
Didn't he do a cameo in each of his movie of himself?