For 2017

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Friday, August 12, 2011

Fun Friday - with a little help from my friends . . .




Thank you Kim





Just went for my physical and this is what my doctor told me:


Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Latinos eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans...

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.








Have you ever wanted or asked someone how do I look? If you want to see who looks like your size - go to:http://www.mybodygallery.com/

SECRET TO A LONG MARRIAGE

At Saint Rocco's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar.
At the session last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Wella, I've a-tried to treata her nice-a, spenda DA money on her, but besta of alla is that I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!"

The Priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary."

Luigi proudly replied, "I'm a gonna go get her!"


Did you know-

Most people got married in June in the 1500's because they took their yearly bath in May, And they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell, Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.



A friend encouraged Nikki/Sarah to register for the I Can Achieve contest from Canesten. It's focus is on women who have overcome something and are now giving back. As of August 8 people can vote for their choice. If would like to vote for her (and I wish you would) ...the link is http://contests.citytv.com/icanachieve/story.aspx?sid=545 Thanks.









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34 comments:

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Love the secret to a long marriage! Works for me! LOL. hugs, Linda

Sweet Tea said...

FUN!!
Thanks for the funnies!
Loved the woman talking to her wine!! :-)

Happier Than a Pig in Mud said...

I'm going on the German Diet-ASAP!:@)

Raindrops and Daisies said...

I loved the woman talking to her wine too!

Fantastic.

Thanks for making me smile Chatty!


Fiona

Thena said...

Thanks for the laugh as always.

House and Garden Boutique said...

Love your post today.......red wine and chocolate.....can't be all that bad! Or I would be dead by now! Hope you are doing well....Lynn

Jeanie said...

I think I will switch to speaking Spanish....I really like Mexican food :)
I really loved the lady talking to her wine.
Lots of fun today.

Marydon said...

Always so delightful & informative ... love the marriage piece.

Would you be so kind to leave a comment on my BLOG ONLY, for the Miracle Makeover fund drive. Charlie, 8 yr. old, & his story are fabulous. Every comment brings us a $1 for the next person that will be sponsored.

Have a beautiful weekend.
Hugs,
TTFN ~
Marydon

TexWisGirl said...

enjoyed all of these! liked the interesting 'what does my body look like' look-up. :)

Sally said...

LOL - loved it, all!

I hope Luigi has a good trip. :)

Have a great weekend, Sandie!

Whosyergurl said...

These are good! That body image thing is broken! It made me look like a short fat woman!
xo, Cheryl

Ginny said...

I love all the funny health stuff and have printed it to record on our church prayer and info line. The body type thing, did you do it? Well...after I typed in all my stats, they said they didn't have any pictures to fit it yet!!!! Gads, am I that rare??

CollectIn Texas Gal said...

Oh ChattyGal....I sure need these good LOLS. Now, I'm off to find a wine class that is a good listener and an hourglass look-a-like!

Remington said...

Awesome, my friend! You just made my day! BTW -- could you post a pic of your husband with a football in his mouth? ha ha!

Karen Lange said...

I always chuckle through your posts. Thank you! And thanks for informing me about so many other things. I am going to go and brush up on my French in case there is any truth to the speaking English thing. :)

Happy weekend,
Karen

Thisisme. said...

I love the secret to a long marriage too! So many funnies for us here today, that I can't mention them all, but they really did make me smile. Loved the one about the bra and friends as well. You really do work hard on our behalf Chatty, to give us a smile each time you post. Thank you!!

The Brown Recluse said...

I love this post! I'd like that doctor's name. Imma gonna make an appointment!

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Love it - me talking to the wine - ha!

Susan said...

Great post, Sandie. Very, very funny. You're a kicker. Susan

Pat MacKenzie said...

This is a great post. I particularly liked the doctor's advice. Full of good stuff today.

Flora said...

I love that picture...and comments with the wine!! All was great.

melody-mae said...

loved learning about the reason we carry bouquets now at weddings! LOL AND of course, I loved the old lady and her wine!!! awesome!

Betty (picture circa 1951) said...

What was supposed to happen with the dot? I probably didn't do it long enough.

There's something wrong with me. I tried the body thing and they wanted me to submit my photo for their data base because there's no one else like me yet. I'm just waiting until I get ready for bed so I can submit a nude one. :)

Ann said...

LOL, the secret to a long marriage cracked me up.

Knitty said...

I'm another one without a body match. Maybe I should trade bodies with someone!

Thanks for the funnies. I have to share them with some friends.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Hi Sandie, Thanks for the laughs today... Loved the woman talking to her wine... CUTE!!!!! ALSO---I need to change doctors and go to the one you talk about. ha ha

Hugs,
Betsy

Michaele said...

I keep wanting to "like" your jokes as if it were facebook : )
Now, that body thing was just weird. Where DO you find this stuff?
The woman and the wine - priceless.

Life 101 said...

Do you have a number for that doctor. I'm looking for s new primary care doc and he sounds perfect :)

BECKY said...

Love all these wise words you post, dear Chatty! :)

SavannahGranny said...

Love, love your sense of humor. Maybe Sweet Old Bob will send/take me to Italy. Hugs, Ginger

Changes in the wind said...

Good job Chatty and I want that Doctor!!

Carol said...

OH Sandy....I laughed from beginning to end...Thank you for the laughs! You are awesome!!!

Love to you....Carol

Chris Graham said...

I always look forward to your Friday post. You make me smile dear lady.

Sharon said...

OK, just chuckling my little socks off right now.

I speak English, but I love chocolate and hate exercise. I guess that means I'm 50/50 on the long life equation!

I knew that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" - evidently, "absence makes the marriage grow longer" - who knew?!