For 2017

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

How to over come the negativety of others . . .

Okay - can you tell that this negativity thing is a HUGE issue in my life? Anyway I thought this was a good article. If I read and reread things - good positive ways to deal with certain people - then I may get better at it!

Positive Psychology


What do you do when you’re around someone who can’t seem to notice or say anything positive? It can be tough to not let their mood and outlook have an effect.

So, who tends to breed negativity in your life? Is it you boss, coworker, family, or friends? Maybe you’re the one who tends to view things pessimistically at times.

Either way, no one will always have a wonderful day free of frustrations. We are simply going to experience negativity at times; but despite this we do have a choice in how we let negativity effect us. When we experience a negative person it’s important to not them bring us down.

If you’re having a difficult time with a negative person, here are a few ideas to consider.

1) Learn to respond instead of react. This means recognizing when we are encountering negativity so we can prepare mentally and decide how we want to respond. We may want to ignore the comments and not let them get to us, however depending on the situation we may have to interact with the person.

Have you ever been in a work meeting where someone shoots down every good idea and can only see the negative side of things? In these cases we may have to deal with the negativity to prevent it from spreading to others.

Make sure to stop and think. Don’t let the negativity begin to rub off on you. This person is free to have their opinion and as you will see, there are effective ways to work past the negative energy.

2) Focus on the facts instead of emotions. It can be natural to get upset when someone else pointing out all the flaws and mistakes around them. Mind your ego and don’t take it personally. Stay calm and don’t escalate the situation. This means avoid insults, accusations, name calling, and blaming the other person, such as, “You’re always so negative and rude!”

Don’t let the negativity get to you and overtake your attitude. You have the responsibility to not let the situation get out of hand.

3) Once you are ready to respond, an effective way to deal with negativity is to listen attentively and validate how the person feels. It may be tough, but the last thing they want to hear is, “Come on, it’s such a beautiful day, get over the new acquisition.”

Put yourself in other person shoes by being empathic and caring for what the other person is going through. A negative person is often viewing things in a pessimistic manner, so it’s tough for them to see the positive. They also may be having a rough day full of hassles.

Help them regain a sense of control and begin to help them see that not everything is going to turn out horribly. Keep focused on the positive and point out some of the benefits they may be overlooking.

4) Covert negative energy into something productive by helping them to resolve the problem or find a compromise. When someone has a negative attitude they probably aren’t able to think as clearly and be as creative in finding a solution.

Negative thinkers often view things in black and white, concrete terms. They only see one option and feel helpless to do anything about it. Help them find solutions they may not notice.

Negativity can be difficult to deal with, particularly when it’s chronic and directed toward us. However, we don’t have to let the negativity of others bring us down if we are prepared and open to deal with it effectively.

It what situation do you usually experience negative people? How do you deal with it?

40 comments:

Jo said...

wow!...I needed these words more than ever TODAY,love to you,and let's be positive.
~JO

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

I usually just avoid it. Recently, a relative I can't completely avoid pushed my buttons too far, and I just told her that I wasn't going to respond to her anymore and that I tried to surround myself with positive people and was tired of all her negativity. Fortunately, she backed off, and has been trying a little harder....so far.

Kim said...

It is timely for me that you posted this. I have been dealing (not very effectively) with this issue in my own home lately.
Thanks, K

Sandra said...

I live with a number one Optimist and he drives me nuts because I am the number one Pessimist. so us that are pessimistic have to deal with eternal optimist which is just as bad. my glass is always half empty and his is always half full. of course we do well together because i pull him down and he pulls me up.
i believe one hundred percent in Murhpys law, if it CAN happen it Will happen. so get ready to deal with me CC.
I have an acquaintance who is always putting people down and never says a nice word, today she was telling me about a friend she went shopping with and was telling in detail each thing she did that made her crazy. the funny thing was as she told me, i thought in my head, you do that, you do that you do that. I know she wonders why i stopped going out with her and it is because i can't stand her griping and putting people down. so if someone is pulling me down, i stop doing anything with them.

Granny Annie said...

Sandie, have you noticed that you seem to have a very negative attitude about negativity? LOL

Chatty Crone said...

Granny Annie - I have to give that some thought to be honest with you.

Country Wings in Phoenix said...

Good Morning Sandie Sweetie...
What a gorgeous share this morning. I love this post. You know how I deal with this one every single day at work. I believe some days some of these folks wake up, and just think about how they can hurt others with insults and harsh words.

I grew up with a Momma and Daddy who always said, "If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all." Whatever happened to those thoughts hu?

Let's try positive words all day today and see how that goes. I will let you know tomorrow sweet girl. I may be shocking a few don't you think?

Don't forget to stop by today and leave a comment for Charlie. Love you girl. Many hugs and much love, Sherry

Wanda's Wings said...

Wonderful advise.

Sally said...

I've always heard that negativity breeds negativity. But, reading what you've posted today proves that wrong. It's definitely difficult to deal with someone who speaks or sends out negative vibes; it's up to us how to respond or not.

Sometimes, when a person tells me what they plan to do, I find myself thinking "but if you do that, this could happen". Lately, though I try to keep those thoughts to myself 'cause people are gonna do what they want to anyway. :)

Have a great day, Sandie!

Changes in the wind said...

I had this situation with a friend and I made the decision to break off our friendship...I have not regreted it.

Tanna at The Brick Street Bungalow said...

Great article, Sandie. Thank you so much for your steady reminder to CHOOSE how we live our life!! blessings ~ tanna

Debbie said...

Excellent, Sandie! I'm so glad you shared it.

(And in answer to Maxine... nope. Not for a minute!)

Susan said...

Hi Sandie...Acting instead of reacting is the hardest thing to do but once we are able to do it, it definitely helps us in life.

When I'm around a negative person, I try to make it as short a time as possible. I think all of us, as humans, can absorb the negative vibes of another. We have to work hard to become aware that the other person's negativity is his or her problem, not ours.

I love the fact that you always strive to be positive and your sweet blog adds joy and laughter to the world. That's a great gift you have. Susan

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Sandie this is a great article. I live with this daily and I have learned to handle it in many of the ways listed. I listen, offer my more optimistic view, don't argue and also validate the person's right to their feelings. If its super negative I just take some space and come back later. So far I'm learning to deal with it but it is hard. Hugs, Linda

Flora said...

Good article! So true...there is so much negativity around us and learning how to deal with it is so important!

Dragonfly Treasure said...

Thank you so much for posting this. I am tired of negativity too. Seeems it's everywhere.
*hugs*deb

Just Stuff From a Boomer said...

It is a good article and well worth sharing. I'm sure we've all worked with, lived around or are related to these people. You just want to shout "Save the drama for your Mama"!

I find as I get older I have less patience with that. My middle daughter has always felt that way. You bring drama to her life and she will cut you loose. gone... outta there. I say, good for her.

Ginny said...

There's some good points in this article. Some people just reply negatively no matter what you say, it is their mindset! They think the worst and just can't seem to get over it.

TexWisGirl said...

i'm feeling quite positive right now and not having difficulty with others, so i kind of scanned the piece (may come back when i need it!)

but i loved the quote of the week. so incredibly true.

Donna K. Weaver said...

Love you blog. And I feel your pain. My former boss suffered from severe depression and really struggled. Wonderful woman, and I loved her to death, but she had the ability to suck all the joy out of the room when she entered it. And she knew it, and hated being like that.

Sandy said...

I try to engage them in being more optimistic and if that doesn't work I try to remove myself and say I have things to do.

The Boston Lady said...

After the past two days dealing with an extremely negative person in my life this was a much needed read. I must say what works for me is one of the final points. Try and empathize with the person and validate their feelings. That usually calms them down, lets them know you understand them and are willing to help.

And absolutely right!!! It's how you say things not just what you say. Tone of voice is everything, just ask a dog!! Mine are tuned into my tone totally.


Ann

Linda O'Connell said...

This is a lesson that should be taught through every grade in school. So true!

Donna B said...

WONDERFUL POST! It is a positive illustration of your lovingness, inclination to lend a hand, and your aspirations to stamp out all the negativity around us. BRAVO!

Michaele said...

Just knowing you has enriched my life. Sometimes I think negative people are just depressed and would like to help themselves or change, but can't.

Ann said...

That's a really good article, thanks for sharing it. I can always use a little help working on my positive attitude. I have to keep it sharp since my husband is Mr. negativity :)

Shanda said...

Ashamed to say that negativity is probably one of my worst battles. But, at least I am battling it. I had it when I act that way!

Life 101 said...

This much I've learned -- you cannot change others, but as your post points out, you can change to respond and not react.
Wise words.

Carol............. said...

I always learn something from your posts..
thank you.

Crystal Mary said...

Hey and I was just feeling mad at Ray.. BUT.. I did turn it around and be kind instead..
Here in Oz we have a silly little song when someone donates to charity...
It is simply, "Thank you very much for your knid donation, thank you very much, thank you very very much..."..
I have gotten into the habit over the years, when someone tells me something negative, and stands there waiting for me to whither, to say instead of sing these words....When they looked shocked I laugh and sometimes hug them if I know they are just having a bad day.
Hey, we all need to play the GLAD game, life is just too short.
I love you. xxxxxx

Knitty said...

I have dropped acquaintances who were so negative, they're nearly toxic. There is a man we still deal with business wise a few times a year. The last time he left, I told Bill that I'm never sure whether I should kill this guy or myself when he walks in the door.

If he won a bazillion dollars, he'd complain about the taxes. If the weather is absolutely perfect, he'll tell you how lousy the forecast is for tomorrow.

I don't truly let him get to me, but it is torturous being with him for any length of time.

Country Wings in Phoenix said...

Hi Sweetie...
Yep, you can come at least 2 times a day anyway. The Miracle Makeover ends tomorrow at midnight. I am crossing my fingers that we reach our goal. We have all been working so hard for this beautiful cause.

Have a beautiful evening sweet friend. Many hugs and much love, Sherry

Betsy from Tennessee said...

There are negative people all around us---even on our blog posts... If you ask a question, such as "What are the Golden Years to You?" just go back and read the responses you get from others...

I always try to look at the best all around me --and appreciate what I have. I don't have alot of patience with negative people--and these days, I don't even want to listen to their 'stories'... I usually try to change the subject and try to make them smile or think of something positive.... It's not easy...

Hugs,
Betsy

Life is good! said...

I avoid those type of folks whenever possible. However when I cannot I just give them my perspective on what ever they are whining about. Have a great night!

Angela said...

I've mostly rid myself of all the negative people in my life and I'm extremely happy that I don't have to deal with them anymore!

Hugs,
Angela

Sush said...

Somewhere around the age of thirty I 'grew up' and decided to put on my big girl panties and deal. I don't engage with negativity. If I have to I will tell someone that I disagree and don't care to engage. Usually it works. If not...I leave. Period. End of discussion. Life is getting shorter and I'm not wasting it hanging with the Debbie Downers of the world.

I've got your back on this one, Sandie...I really do!

Hugs~

Eva Marie said...

Hi Sandie, I'm finally back! I've missed my bloggies :)
Great article - It's hard at times being surrounded by negative people. And sometimes hard to kind of protect yourself from it, especially if you listen to it all the time. I have a colleague at work - that moans all the time. And some times I just wanna scream (lol) But best is to try to ignore and avoid such, easy to say I suppose.
I am born optimist and try to be positive as much as I can - hard at times though...
Enjoy your day!

Eva Marie said...

Opps I forgot - I don't regret giving you my email nor joining your blog ;)

Thisisme. said...

Hi Chatty. Very good post today, with fine words. BUT we all know, that it is still very hard being around negative people. Sometimes all the words in the world don't really help if you're with it constantly. Hey! NO! I don't regret joining your blog or letting me have your email address. Onwards and upwards my friend. Hugs.

Sharon said...

YES! Great stuff!

Can I just say one negative thing, though? That picture of the guy yelling at the woman - what was the deal with him? He was really skeletally scary!

OK, back to what you posted. I took it to heart, because I tend to fall into my own negativity trap too often. So, I'm going to learn some of these pointers and use them on myself!

(I don't want the creepy guy yelling at me...)