Grandson's teacher wrote me a note yesterday - thanks for volunteering for the field trip. Please be at the school at 8. I don't remember volunteering!!! It is an all day re-enactment of the civil war. With gun noises and police have been notified. How did I do this - guess I will be there!
HOW TO START A FIGHT
One year, I decided to buy my
mother-in-law a cemetery plot as
a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift
I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
Thank you Sharon
Does this remind you of anything you did in your lifetime?
Thank you Fran!
There is a factory in Essex which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Shelley is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Shelley surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Shelley.
'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'
'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
Thank you Jerry at AstheCrackerHeadCrumbles
The Three Little Pigs Eat Dinner
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.
The waiter comes and takes their drink order. "I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy. "I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy. "I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy.
The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for dinner.
"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy. "I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy. "I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
"I want a banana split," said the first piggy. "I want a root beer float," said the second piggy. "I want water, lots and lots of water," exclaimed the third little piggy.
"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter! to the third little piggy, "but why have you only ordered water all evening?"
You're gonna LOVE me for this.... Hold on to your seat.
At the risk of you never coming back here ever again........
The third piggy says - "Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"
Thank you Calamity Jane!
I want all my beautiful friends to have a great weekend!
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
Elizabeth K. Ross