Chatty Crone

Subject: WORRY

Is there a magic cutoff period when offspring become accountable for their own actions?

Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become detached spectators in the lives of their children and shrug, "It's their life," and feel nothing?

*When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for doctors to put a few stitches in my son's head. I asked, "When do you stop worrying?"

The nurse said, "When they get out of the accident stage."

My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.*

When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a classroom and heard how one of my
children talked incessantly, disrupted the class, and was headed for a career making license plates.

As if to read my mind , a teacher said, "Don't worry, they all go through this stage and then you can sit back, relax and enjoy them."

My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come home, the front door to open.

A friend said, "They're trying to find themselves. Don't worry, in a few years, you can stop worrying. They'll be adults."

My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.

By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being vulnerable. I was still worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle. There was nothing I could do about it.

My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.

I continued to anguish over their failures, be tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in their disappointments.

My friends said that when my kids got married I could stop worrying and lead my own life. I wanted to believe that, but I was haunted by my mother's warm smile and her occasional, "You look pale. Are you a all right? Call me the minute you get home. Are you depressed about something?"

Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties and the fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue that elevates us to the highest form of life?

One of my children became quite irritable recently, saying to me, Where were you ? I've been calling for 3 days, and no one answered* I was worried."

I smiled a warm smile. The torch has been passed.

I sure do feel like this today. Guess I'm in the 50's - worrying - sick and tired of worrying - and not a damn (excuse me) thing I can do about it.

I am waiting for the day they worry a little bit about me!

Love as always,
Chatty