For 2017

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Friday, August 14, 2009

Fun Friday

GOOD LOOKIN WOMEN'S DAY


Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.

They include:
Bobby Darin --- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.

Herman's Hermits ---Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker ..

Ringo Starr --- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.
The Bee Gees -- - How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.

Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.

Johnny Nash --- I Can't See Clearly Now.

Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver.

The Commodores ---Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom..

Marvin Gaye --- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.

Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade of Hair.

Leo Sayer --- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.

The Temptations --- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.

Abba--- Denture Queen.

Tony Orlando --- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.

Helen Reddy ---
I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.

Leslie Gore---
It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.

And Last but NOT least:

Willie Nelson ---
On the Commode Again ..



IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull. But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires. My nagging cough is a sign of a clogged carborator fighting for clean air.
CASH FOR CLUNKERS..........I QUALIFY - How about You?




I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.



Hymn #365

This is a hoot, but I suspect the minister didn't appreciate it..

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said,'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river..'

With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had
All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he
Said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world,
I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced
With a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing song,
Let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.'

Smile, life is too short not to !

If this brightened your day
Don't let it stop here
Pass it on with a smile
Keep spreading the Cheer.

See you at the river


Simon's Cat vs a fly . . .
http://www.tangle.com/view_video?viewkey=b2335c1e29c81e9cceb2&utm_source=newsletter0810&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=weeklytopvideos

Light at the end of the tunnel.

Love,

Chatty

5 comments:

Changes in the wind said...

LOL!!!!!

^..^Corgidogmama said...

Could you hear me snickering??
Some of these were great!
Lordy...what a laugh it is here today.
Thanks for the giggles.
Good stress breaker!

YOu doing ok?
Talk to anyone yet?

Joyce said...

Hello, I am a first time visitor and love your blog. The women's breasts going south was very funny. Keep up the wonderful work.

Love and Hugs,
Joyce from Creation In Progress

Chatty Crone said...

Thanks - maybe I should do jokes everyday!

ClassyChassy said...

I like the light at the end of the tunnel - I need to remember that picture the next thing goes bad - Like hubby's finding the rotted floorboards under the toilet this evening! He was not happy! The ceramic flange was cracked as well, so he will have great fun on this weeks GET R DONE project!