Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.
Bobby Darin --- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.
Herman's Hermits ---Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker ..
Ringo Starr --- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.
The Bee Gees -- - How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.
Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.
Johnny Nash --- I Can't See Clearly Now.
Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver.
The Commodores ---Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom..
Marvin Gaye --- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.
Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade of Hair.
Leo Sayer --- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.
The Temptations --- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.
Abba--- Denture Queen.
Tony Orlando --- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.
Helen Reddy ---
I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.
It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.
And Last but NOT least:
Willie Nelson ---
On the Commode Again ..
IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull. But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it --
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires. My nagging cough is a sign of a clogged carborator fighting for clean air.
CASH FOR CLUNKERS..........I QUALIFY - How about You?
I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
This is a hoot, but I suspect the minister didn't appreciate it..
A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said,'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river..'
With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had
All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he
Said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world,
I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
Sermon complete, he sat down.
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced
With a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing song,
Let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.'
Smile, life is too short not to !
If this brightened your day
Don't let it stop here
Pass it on with a smile
Keep spreading the Cheer.
See you at the river
Simon's Cat vs a fly . . .
Light at the end of the tunnel.