For 2017

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Hump Day - A garbage filled day or not?


Law of the Garbage Truck
From Angela -
One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport

We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.
My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.
My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly.
So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'
This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around
full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment.
As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you.. Don't take it personally.
Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.
Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets,

so ....

Love the people who treat you right.

Pray for the ones who don't.

Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Have a garbage-free day!


Last night I had an argument with my daughter. We tend to fight. It is a tough situation here - she'is 33 living here with a ten year old. She wants to be out and on her own - but life hasn't shown her how or she hasn't found out how to accomplish that yet.

It is tough for me too - because I'm 58 and these are my retirement (?) years. Instead of being free to live my own life - it is not possible right now. I live my life as a mom - yet I'm a grandmother.

So having two women - both struggling in their lives wanting to be in different places is really hard. No matter how much you love one another and how close you are - you will never see out of the same eyes.

She's in a very stressful job. Then when she gets home she has more stress with her son - who I have to admit takes a lot of work. She brings work home. And on and on.

She is just frustrated. Frustrated with everyone. In my heart I think she is more frustrated with herself - then anyone else - because of the situation she is in. It's hard I know. But it is also hard being the one that she gets so frustrated with all the time.

She's mad at me because I get too involved with the GS and I do. But how do I not? The first five years I raised him and took care of him all day. Then next five I get him ready in the am and I take care of him until she gets home. Then I go with him to all his after school activities. I am a big part of his life. I think the problem is she's overwhelmed, has short fuse, and lacks patience. I'm old and I just don't see things as important as she does. And when she gets frustrated at the GS - I do tend to over protect him from that.

I'm the caretaker and part of the 'team' until it is something she deems something important then I am not supposed to be involved. It gets confusing and over whelming - not only for her but for me too. This is what is happening in this generation. A lot of kids come home. Then there is this problem - of two women living in the same house.

I'm not really looking for an answer or compliments about how good I am doing this. I guess I am venting. I feel so heavy today. My head and heart feel heavy. I've been praying. I've been working hard on it. And I am in God's waiting room wondering what to do.

I don't know and I don't know if an answer is soon. But I do know I need to continue to pray and not give up. Fight the negativity and throw it out in the garbage but it is hard. But I am going to do it.

Any one with any hope for ole Chatty out there today?

"Never look down to test the ground before taking your next step; only he who keeps his eye fixed on the far horizon will find the right road."
РDag Hammarskjöld

Keeping my eyes up towards Heaven today.


x_a4f395f

45 comments:

Holly said...

i have a grown child at home too. She's 24 and looking to buy a home but i can tell you that it can be tough to have two grown women in one house. Hope your daughter finds her way soon and that you can both be in your proper places. Have a great day!

SweetMarie said...

Hi Sandie, I feel for you both! I don't know if my mom and I could live under the same roof. She's your age and more like a sister to me...weird. I moved out when I turned 17 and have been on my own since. Maybe the situation isn't easy for any of you, but your daughter is so fortunate to have parents who are able to help and most importantly...want to help. You're all in my prayers.
love, Marie

Flora said...

Oh I love the Garbage Truck...that is so perfect!

About the vent... oh man... I can't say I know how you feel as I have not been in that place with a grown daughter at home...but being a mom and grandmom... I can understand! (Plus we are the same age:) so I know how you must feel about doing what you want!) I don't have any answers... but I will be praying for you and you have been an important part of your gs and he will benefit from your input in his life. Someone once told me...we have to commit it to God...Trust Him ...then leave it in his hands...don't know if that helps...but take care ...

TexWisGirl said...

no words of wisdom from me since i never had kids or grandkids. just a hug of support is all...

Remington said...

Beth here....I can kind of relate to how you must feel. We are the same age and I also have children that age. However, I am not in the same place you are....we all have our challenges in our life that God has seen fit to put us in. I believe you are there for a reason....to help, mentor, whatever.... I am certain your daughter is struggling with things herself and sometimes at that age they don't see things as clearly as us older ones....am I right? ha ha! Hang in there, my friend. Pray and know that God is with you always....things will go as they as suppose to and God will lead the way....you will be in my thoughts and prayers, my friend....take care.

Cheri said...

We can talk tomorrow if you want to.

A Quiet Corner said...

Oh, Kiddo...my heart goes out to you and you know it! Two women in the same house with different wants/needs and goals is a big undertaking...for all involved. My shoulder is always here...:)JP

Nancy's Notes said...

Oh Sandie, know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. I know your grandson is a lucky and blessed little boy, that is the positive thing about this situation. I can only imagine how hard it is, bless your heart. I'll send a little angel your way to sooth your weary heart. Hang in there.

Nancy

Andrew said...

A wonderful post to read..and I have just had a lovely browse around your wonderful blog..Thanks for sharing.

Terra said...

Chatty, I understand your need to vent. I see that you are a great blessing to your GS, being a big part of his life. That is an accomplishment.

Jill said...

Bless your heart, Sandie. This is a difficult time for both of you. The lines are so easily blurred when an adult child comes back home to live. I will pray for you and offer my shoulder and anytime you need to vent, I am willing to listen (read?)! I am sending my prayers. I know you all love each other and you will work it out with God's grace.

Tanna at The Brick Street Bungalow said...

I think it is extremely hard for grown children to move back in with their parents (on both sides) and especially with another generation also. Girl, please vent all you want... all I know to do is listen. If I had a magic wand, you know I'd wave it. It is very generous of you and your husband to help her out. I will pray for your peace. blessings ~ tanna

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Sandie I know how hard this is for you and how much you love your daughter and your grandson. God will show you the way and give you that extra strength! Thinking of your today. Hugs, Linda

Walking on Sunshine... said...

Before I forget, I love the garbage truck story. I need to remember that! I'm so sorry for you situation! I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. It does seem as if your daughter has so much going on that she is taking her frustrations out on you because you just happen to be there. It must be hard on your grandson as well. I'll keep thinking of you and praying for you for peace!

Cheryl @ The Farmer's Daughter said...

Oh Sandie, I understand a little bit of what you're going through. I have a grown daughter living at home, too. She doesn't have kids and is gone all day to work. We do get along very well. If you'd like to email me to talk more about this, please feel free to do so. I'm a bit under the weather again (nasty cold), but I'll be glad to share thoughts when I can think more clearly. Hugs and prayers!

Sweet Tea said...

Sonice Cherry Limeade and a Hershey bar. That's all I got.

There are some problems that time simply has to work out.

<<>>

I know it's not easy!

Thisisme. said...

Hi Chatty. I love the story about the garbage truck, but I'm sad to hear that your heart is heavy at the moment. Your daughter is very fortunate to have your support with that delightful little boy, but I can imagine that she gets frustrated too, as she wants to be more independent at the age that she is. It's a difficult situation all round my friend and my heart goes out to you. Keep talking to God and, remember, in quietness and trust is your strength. Hugs.

Ginny said...

You are all in a tough situation! It is good you are all together and healthy, so that is a positive to focus on! You two will never think alike because of the generation gap, that is a real thing!! One thing that happens is that the grown kids actually get jealous that the grandmom is taking their place. We have friends like this. They NEED the grandparents to help them with the child, yet whether they are aware of it or not, they feel bad that they are not being the parents they could and the child is more bonded to the grandparents than to the parents. I can understand this, but being from the older generation, I think they need to be grateful that they HAVE parents that will do this and not complain, but take it as a joy. Some parents have to deal with the child getting too bonded with the babysitter, who isn't even a family member, and on top of that, they have to pay them!!! I know your daughters concerns are real for her, it would be so hard being a mom and working, yet having to live with your mom! And some counseling might help, maybe from your church counselor or pastor. There is free counseling from local churches, too. But the best thing to do is keep praying, God will answer, but in his own time. He wants to hear from you even though he already knows, just like a parent already knows what his child needs, but still needs to hear it from him.

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Hugs to you Chatty. I hope you and your daughter can find a happy place. It's no fun to struggle with the people you care about most.

I'm starting a petition. It's called "Bring the Camel back to Chatty's on Hump Day".

Life is good! said...

haven't had to deal with this situation and i hope i don't have to. it would be very hard and i think you are doing a great job. but like you said things are different and adult children are moving home. i guess we just have to be ready for anything! God bless you!

Sandra said...

no advice from me at all, i do hope and will pray that tomorrow is a better day for all of you.
when my sons were 8 and 10, i left there dad, mother wanted me to live with them, I said no, i moved out and i am staying out. 3 months later i went back home, then when i was 38 i left for good. i never one time considered living with my parents. i wanted to be independent because that is me. but i am seeing now there are many many people in the same situation as you are. hugs and hope things get more bearable soon.

Eva Ason said...

Good evening Sandie, what a story to read today. I feel with you my friend, it cannot be easy for you at all. It's good to vent things. My heart goes out to you my friend. Hugs x

Together We Save said...

Oh wow - I love this!! I really need to work on never being a garbage truck!

Betty (picture circa 1951) said...

I don't have a daughter, but I was a daughter at one time. I don't think my mother and I could have lived under the same roof. We lived temporarily with my parents when we came back from overseas. It took a month for our car and stuff to get back to the states and we were ready to go when our stuff came. It was a very tense time.

I think Ginny hit the nail on the head. I was also thinking of the jealousy that would arise in such a situation. I'm sure your daughter appreciates everything you do, but she wishes she could be doing it all and can't.

It's got to be stressful for both of you. When she's not there you're taking care of the GS, but when she comes home she's handling things and that means you have to step back and bite your tongue. It's got to be very stressful. It might even be a little confusing to the GS.

You can't be alone in this situation. There's got to be other families exactly like yours. Have you tried googling for advice? There might even be some kind of board where you can read and ask questions. I'd start with "blended families" or something similar.

I'm so sorry. I haven't even thought of you having problems. I've been too busy thinking of my own and haven't been there for you.

Rhonda said...

I love the Law of the Garbage Truck ....wow

Kim said...

You just described my house. My moms sister lives here to help me take care of a mom with Alzheimer's. My aunt is old and when I get home from work she takes out her frustration on me. And we often argue about moms care and what is best. It is not fun but for now, this is what we have to do.

Ann said...

My daughter lived at home until she was 25 and it was not a pretty sight. She moved out under bad terms, such as she was asked to leave and she hated me for it. Our relationship got so much better once she got over it though.
She is struggling now though and it's so hard to watch her try to figure life out. I can't imagine her living back home again though. I think we would probably be at each others throats.

Happier Than a Pig in Mud said...

Lovin' the words of wisdom at the beginning Sandie! Last person to offer any advice is me, I know you'll all get through this:@)

That corgi :) said...

Before I forget, Sandie, thank you for my goodies!! I loved the saying and the little charm necklace is so cute!! You were so very sweet to do this; lots of work involved with it all, mailing, wrapping, etc. Thank you so much!

(((Sandie))) It is just hard. It is a tough situation. My sister had a somewhat similar situation with my mom; my mom lived with them before her first child was born and lived with them for about 17 years before she died. She took care of the first child exclusively during the day because my sister was working full time for several years. My sister did end up going to part time work by the time the second child was born, but my mom helped out with childcare, etc. But my sister's two daughters really relied on my mom a lot for things since my mom was there all the time. I'm not sure how my sister felt about it all; maybe grateful she had a bit of help.

I know it is different in your situation in that your daughter might feel she is stuck in her situation (but at the same time she should be so very grateful for all the help she is getting with GS, etc).

There is no easy answer and you are doing the best thing you can do, Sandie. Pray and give it to Jesus.

will pray tooo......

betty

Jeanie said...

I can't add much to what everyone above has said, but I'm glad you were able to talk about it and I will be hoping for a positive resolution for you....sooner rather than later.

GrammyK said...

Wow, that's a tough situation. When I was younger with my 2 oldest boys as very little guys I lived with my parents for a time. It was hard for me because they loved their grandma very much--I had to work and she took care of them. I was indeed very jealous that she was more of a mother to them than I was. It was hard for her too. I confess that I wasn't very mature about the situation and managed to hurt my mom a lot. DH and I reconciled and we bought a house and ended a lot of the conflict with my mom. I know now that she was only doing her best and not trying to steal my children's affections. But that's maturity. How can a woman--a grandma especially--spend time with a child as you do and not do some serious bonding?

Now we are in a situation where we have to live next door to DH's parents and I try to be extremely respectful and make sure that we do as little as possible to intrude on their life as foot loose and fancy free retirees. :-) They are so precious to me and I want them to be happy we are here!!

I pray that things will get better in time and that your relationship with your daughter will be strong and full of understanding and love.

CalamityJr said...

Hugs and prayers from here, too. Hang in there!

Mevely317 said...

While I can't personally relate ... just want to send you a big ole' hug.
OK ... make that two -- one for each of you.
Deep breaths, my friend!

Angela said...

I know it's hard on you Sandie but Andy sure is benefiting from being with you. I also know that makes it even more difficult that you are on call 24/7 and don't really get a break from it all. The Lord will answer your prayers Sandie.

Hugs,
Angela

Shug said...

Oh...Know exactly where you are coming from...I have a 20 year old great neice that lives with us...Oh my!!
I love the garbage truck story...so true!!

Hugs,
shug

Tweedles -- that's me said...

Its always good to say what is on your heart. Your friends will swarm around you with understanding. There may not be an answer.. but just not feeling alone helps
love
tweedles

Crystal Mary said...

Hello Sandie, This is not an easy situation, and you both have my sympathy.. Lets pray your daughter meets the man of her dreams. One who loves cares and provides for her and her son. You all need a break. I have had my granddaughter who in nine for over a week and still have a few days to go, and at sixty six, it drains me. A big hug friend. xxx

Sush said...

Loved the Garbage Truck story and I think you don't need any advice. I hope it helped to put it out here, I know it does for me a great deal of the time.

Hugs and more hugs~

Debbie said...

I loved the garbage truck story so much and can see exactly why you prefaced your own story with it. I think your daughter is dumping her garbage when she gets frustrated. Funny thing... daughters so often forget that Mom might be "full up" with her own right now. Mom is always supposed to be the safe place to land and dump our garbage. I know this from both ends. I do it to my mom, and my daughters do it to me. Not fun when it happens. Even less fun when there is no place to escape it because you live together.

Hugs to you Super Mom.

Clint said...

I feel your pain. I have learned in strssful situations like yours that I do best by focusing on God and NOT thinking about the problem at hand. He will work your problem out---if you will allow Him to do so. God bless---I know it has to be stressful.

ClassyChassy said...

I know you've been through a lot in this situation and there is more that you have not expressed here, dear friend. There's a lot of wisdom, soul searching, and truth in this post today - it's evident that you have tumbled that rock over and over in your mind and have dealt with things the best you can for now. Prayers for you, and prayers that your daughter makes some good choices soon. Love ya!

Sally said...

I can so relate, Sandie. And, I'll be praying for all of you!

((hugs)

Sharon said...

It really is tough being one of the "Sandwich Generation" - for me that means being stuck between aging parents and adult sons. Though my sons don't live with me, I still get that dependent/independent tug-of-war that happens when your kids are all grown up. They want you when they need you, and then sometimes they just want you to butt out. Just remember, Sandie - your daughter loves you. I just know she does.

It's a mess when everyone's *garbage* gets dumped at the same time.

Only the Lord can work on the trash we lug around. Loved the garbage truck story. I'll try to drive my own garbage to the dump, and not let it spill all over everyone else.

Rotting banana peels, etc - not the kind of "pleasing aroma" I want to be to God...or anyone else!

Hang in there...

Belle said...

I babysat my grandchildren for years. There was some conflict when I said or did something with the kids my daughters didn't like. It was sometimes very hard to have one or both of my daughters upset with me. We did work everything out by forgiveness and leaving the arguments behind...until the next one. :)

Knitty said...

I'm sorry to be late getting here to read and reply. While not wearing your shoes, I can easily imagine how they would pinch. When there was a possibility of my son (who is the daddy) going to work full time on days, he asked if we could go from watching our grandson 2 days per week to 4 or 5. It didn't take us long to decide the answer was no. Thankfully he and his wife understood and no hard feelings arose. They are good parents but they do some things very differently. Not having the little guy on a regular basis now makes it easier for both them and us to overlook the differences.

I hope the stress lessens for your daughter and she is able to put things into a better perspective again. It doesn't seem that many people today, regardless of their age, are living the life they imagined 10-20 years ago. We all do the best we can in whatever the circumstance.

Huge hugs and prayers for you, your daughter, your husband and that sweet grandson.