For 2017

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

HUMP DAY




I changed my i Pod name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst .

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. But he says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Than it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity and I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz .

Energizer battery arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off.

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner ? Oh deer.

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

I do not enjoy computer jokes. Not one bit.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

Now who has the time and brains to think up these things?


Now do you have a Wal Mart in your town? I hope they didn't get a picture of you! lol




I bought some massages from Groupon and I'm going for one today.  My grandson finished all his testing for the year - I am so excited about that and so is he.  So I hope you have a great day too!


THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:





Love, chatty

55 comments:

That corgi :) said...

Oh my gosh, I'm first! I loved the wal-mart video; LOL; makes you wonder if some people don't realize how they look when they leave the house :)

enjoy your massage! so glad testing is done for another year!! That is a relief indeed!

betty

Gloria Hood said...

Super duper post!!!

Shelly said...

Thank you for all the joy you bring to us!

Stella said...

Loved all the cute puns. Thanks for always making me laugh. Enjoy your massage. I always say I am going to go get one but it just never seems to happen.

HOOTIN ANNI said...

These are all so catchy. Love it. The season veteran made me giggle...literally. And the PMS....tho I'm beyond that. rofl

A massage .......... at Walmart? [kidding]

Enjoy it. And you too have a great day.

HOOTIN ANNI said...

...well, it should be 'seasoned'....Pfffft. Sorry 'bout that.

Jeanie said...

It takes a clever mind to take these things up. Very funny and a good early morning laugh.

Mamabug said...

I'm about to fall off my chair laughing this morning! I have seen some of the strangest sights in Walmart too! Go figure!

Marsha @Spots and Wrinkles said...

Chatty,
Don't know where you found all these, but thanks for the chuckles.

Happy Wednesday.

Sandra said...

hope he aced all the test, when will you know. i like Velcro - what a rip off.
and i have often wondered what kind of brain can think up these things. not mine for sure

Beansieleigh said...

Hi Chatty! Thanks for the laughs, and have a great day! ((hugs)) ~tina

jack69 said...

Love the entry, my favorite is:

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
************
Great read as usual will have to try the video, our cell connections is chancy.

Thanks for morning entertainment.

BelovedBomber said...

Laughter is such good medicine! Our family enjoyed the link to the robin's nest yesterday and that crazy looking animal :)

Sally said...

LOLOL!!

I don't know who's crazier this morning, you or me. :)

Enjoy that massage!!

Jean said...

Now I understand why this is "nutty Wednesday". The Walmart video is hilarious!:-D)

Wendy said...

Awwww! We miss out - we don't have Walmart here! We do have mirrors though (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!!!)

Love this post :D

Louvregirl said...

Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle!
(And they better not take a photo of me...at Walmart!!)Embarrassing!
Ha.

Jill said...

Lot's of funnies today!

Good job to your grandson! And good job for treating yourself to a massage. Perfect!

TexWisGirl said...

thanks for the puns! and hope you enjoy that massage!

Marti said...

Love the way you make me smile! Yeah for grandson! Have a good day.

Bev said...

THAT WAS GREAT!!!!!!!!

Eva Ason said...

Those were all great :)
Enjoy the massage.
Big hugs
Eva

Susannah said...

I was giggling all the way!! Great post! Glad the test are over! We had them here, too. Enjoy the massage.

Susannah

Arkansas Patti said...

What causes one to giggle while groaning--puns of course. I loved them.
Well, I missed making that batch of Walmartians.Phew.

Lynn said...

I like the guy wearing the gold crown at Walmart. :)

I hope you enjoy that massage - it's been way too long for me. Maybe when I go to the mountains in May...

Tracy said...

Well, I certainly saw a new side to you...these are funny! I love the one about the dyslexic man (I do teach special needs children)but they all made me laugh and well, about that Wal-mart video...I didn't see myself but I certainly could at one time or another :)

Ginny said...

Phil will love these puns, they are very clever! We have the Wal-Martians, oh yes we do! So I certainly wouldn't even be noticed if I give in to my notion to go in my slippers! There are some in their pajamas even.

Wanda's Wings said...

Tequila and salt are always good.

Grandma Bonnie said...

Happy Wednesday, thaks for thelaugh today. I needed that.

Rose said...

Haha....these are good. I had never seen the one 'I tried to catch some fog but I mist.' Also the one about he wondered why the baseball was getting bigger then it hit him..haha.

I always wonder who thinks up all these, too.

Cranberry Morning said...

These are always fun - I love to share them with my hubby. Nice to have something he doesn't already know. lol

Rose said...

I don't know what happened the first time I clicked to follow...I just happened back by here and noticed it had not'took'--that is a first for me that I know of.

barbara l. hale said...

Yikes! We do have a Walmart in town but I never go. I think I have another reason to stay away now. lol. Love those one-liners. "PMS jokes aren't funny, period." cracked me up. I have no idea why. I am way past that, thankfully.

dr momi said...

I always leave your blog so Happy! It was one giggle after another today. :-) LOVE your header.

Cheri said...

Loved all those tidbits...they made me laugh as always. As for Walmart...do you think that was Halloween? I have never seen people dressed like that at any Walmart I have been to.

✿ⒹⒺⒺ✿@ A Lapin Life said...

Hi Sandie,

My boys are going to love these jokes. :)

xo,
Dee

SweetMarie said...

So happy for your grandson! Wal-mart can really gross you out! What is wrong with people!?!? This is one of the reasons I avoid Wal-mart. :)

Ann said...

you had me laughing from the very first pun.
Thankfully I never see anything quite so strange at the Walmart near me.

Happier Than a Pig in Mud said...

Very cute, thanks for the laugh:@)

Walking on Sunshine... said...

The jokes are hysterical! Needed those laughs! And the Walmart video is also funny. Why do people do these things? And why Walmart? Enjoy!

Kim said...

Oh, I needed that laugh tonight. The iPod one....I had to read it twice. LOL Loved it.

Debbie said...

Verrry punny Sandie! I love stuff like that. I also wonder who has the gift to make up such stuff.

Hope the massage works a miracle. I need a massage.

And tell the grandson that now that testing is over, summer is just around the bend.

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

First I thought you really did put Titanic on your ipod and then I realized you were telling jokes. Those are so cute and funny!

Munir said...

Great fun playing with words. As usual you always make us laugh. Each line is worth a blog in itself.

Retired English Teacher said...

Funny and cleaver.

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Hi Sandie, The 'groaners' are great!!!! Love the Thought for the Day too....

We go to Walmart every week... Hope they don't ever feature me on one of their videos... I have seen some 'strange looking characters' sometimes --especially people who shop with their pajamas on!!!! GADS!

Hugs,
Betsy

Susan said...

Hi Sandie....Hope you have a wonderful massage. You DESERVE it! Hope to be on track soon. Susan

Paula said...

Hope you enjoyed your massage. I'll be getting one in the morning.

Tweedles -- that's me said...

Happy Hump Day!
love
tweedles

Lady Jane said...

Funny funny quotes I am still laughing. I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION NONE OF THESE PEOPLE AT WALMART EVER LOOK IN A MIRROR!!! OTHERWISE THEY WOULD NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE!!! Glad testing is over and enjoy that massage.

Sush said...

Hi Sandie...those were fantastic! I'm kinda off blogs right now. I've been getting ready for a visit from baby Grace and her parents...and later today they'll be here! I've 'scheduled my A-Z challenge posts so I can spend all my time with them.

Hope you have a great weekend and yay for your grandson finishing his testing!
Hugs~

Catherine said...

You are a funny girl!
Happy Thursday!
xo Catherine

momto8 said...

oh my goodness..the first thing I read today. so funny!!
thanks! a good start to my morning!

silverthoughts2 said...

Makes me want to go people watching in Walmart.

HERE I AM KAYCEE said...

Funny stuff!