Chatty Crone

The Merry Christmas Hang Over.............

As much as I strive to be mature, happy, centered, grown up, unselfish, patient, loving, and so forth, I do realize that I'm human. I haven't finished growing. I haven't got things mastered. I stay peaceful more than not, but I sure do have my moments. My questions as to WHY things are like they are still rattle around in my brain. I've begin to see for a long time now that I can't fix things for other people, although that urge, I must admit is still in me sometimes.

I went to see the movie 'The Nativity' yesterday. It was alright, but what struck me was one line in the movie - Mary said it as she was talking to her unborn child Jesus. She said, "Don't worry little one, Joseph will be a good father, a father that will put your needs ahead of his own."

For good or bad I've kind of been that way my entire life. What happens unfortunately is that it makes people around you selfish. So being that way all the time isn't good either. I think there should have been a balance. Balance is a good thing to learn and I wish I had learned it sooner.

However, people who are selfish don't put themselves out for others - unless of course it is convenient for them. If it's not convenient, forget it!

I think Jesus did that on the cross for us. He put us first and himself second. He died for us. That was kind of hard and inconvenient for him wouldn't you say?

So we get in the car to go home. My family - in the car - together - going home after seeing this movie - all Christians. The most selfish self centered conversation took place. I got sad. I started to try to fix things, but I stopped as I knew nothing I would say would change things or others.

We went to pick up my grandson from his father's house. His dad bought him nothing for Christmas and the two toys from his grandmother - a Sorry game and a movie CD, he was not allowed to bring 'home'. Plus they had gone over to other relatives to have dinner and was forced to eat (he had nightmares all night from that) - his SI issues create big eating issues, but his paternal side refuses to listen and understand. He was sad and I was sad.

So last night on Jesus birthday my overriding feeling last night was one of sadness. I did some thinking and thought things out. Why do we even give gifts to others, it's not our birthday, it's Jesus's? We miss the whole meaning of Christmas.

So after awhile of feeling sad, I realized that I had to think about what I was thankful for and not what I was sad about. I'm thankful for my family (most of the time - teehee), I'm thankful for my grandson and that he lives with us, I'm thankful for my home and for the beauty in my new backyard, but mostly I'm thankful for Jesus, my true friend and comforter. I had to remember that this sad feeling was just a momentary feeling. Most of the Christmas week went great. I was thrilled to have everyone home. I am a very lucky and blessed person.

I had to chose to let the depression go. I had to let the trying to fix things go. I had to just decide for me what I was going to feel. So I did. Happiness in the moment. It was a choice I deliberately had to chose. I put on my favorite movie, 'It's A Wonderful Life' and watched it with my daughter. My grandson was asleep in his bed. The boys home downstairs watching football.

I chose to feel thankful. It is a wonderful life and my journey of life will continue.

Happy Birthday Jesus,

Love,
Chatty Crone