For 2017

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Saying goodbye and giving up dreams . . .


Okay, okay, I promise to get back on track tomorrow with my positive thinking. Remember the movie Pollyanna? She played the glad game? I like to play that game too - because sometimes you have to get quite creative to find the good in things - especially with something tragic.

But I swear to y'all something positive can be gotten from every single situation in your life - maybe not immediately, but eventually.

My parents divorced in 1975 - it rocked my world. My dad got remarried and had two other children. Well, I didn't 'get it' for years. To make a long story short, I'm thankful for my sister. So it may take time to see a blessing out of a tragedy. Decades.

So Frampton breaking up with my daughter via an email has crushed her spirit, her spirit. It's been a month today and I'm decided to let it go - my daughter, not quite ready, nor my grandson - both of whom you crushed.

They were to be married on 5/23/09 and he decided he wanted to postpone the wedding - already set up and paid for - which we lost money - and asked her to live with him for a year first - even though from day one my daughter had told him she would never do that - especially because of her son.

You see asking someone to live together is not saying I love you, it's not a commitment, it's a if it works out and I'm comfortable then we can get married and you can stay, but if it's not comfortable for me then I'll just tell you that you and your son that you aren't good enough and you'll have to move out. Is that love?

No love is a choice. It's deciding to love and work hard each and every day. If one person doesn't commit - either before the wedding or even after the marriage - then the commitment can't work. Love dies - trust me.

So I'm hoping that this will make my daughter stronger in the long run. That she will find someone so much better. And that her heart will heal. And that both her and my grandson will be able to trust again.

I will tell you that your mother - gave you the wrong advice - which I can't understand, because in my book mother's are to love their children more than themselves, and their job is to let you go and not hold you to them when you decide to marry someone else. Trust me - I've gone through that myself! So in the next song which I dedicate to you - the 'other girl' refers to your mother.

I think that you got cold feet and panicked. If you were my son, I would have advised you to go to your fiance and talk and get help together. Not quit and run away because it will just come out again. You solved nothing you just pushed it in deeper for it to come out again later. Another thing you should trust me about - repression - not good - not gone - it will always be there until you resolve it. It will haunt you and eat at you always. You may not even be able to identify 'it', but there will be something nagging at your soul

So you have lost the best two things in the world you could have had - I hope you'll be happy in the years to come. Your loss, my gain.

Chatty being mean - sorry, just had to get it out.
Tomorrow Pollyanna Chatty will return . . .

8 comments:

ClassyChassy said...

Quite the post, and a wonderful picture to "top it off"! I'm sure with a mom like you, your daughter will be just fine. She will follow your example - maybe not 'today', but tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow....You're the BEST!

Cathy Santarsiero, "The Christmas Corgi" said...

It sounds like he is a bit selfish and immature. She will cry and be hurt, but will get over it and will find a wonderful man who will love them both. He will never understand what he has lost because it sounds like he is not capable of committment and will always have his eyes peeled for 'a better offer.' It doesn't seem like it now, but he did her a favor by calling the wedding off, especially for your grandson's sake. It would be harder to have him be there and then not be there when he changes his mind and have to go through a divorce. This little guy will be surrounded by the love of his family. And so will your daughter. They will be in my prayers. xo -C ^..^

^..^Corgidogmama said...

what i want to know is this..
he broke it off...so why doesn't he
have to PAY his half of all the fees, for the wedding costs?
HE called it off...he has to pay in SOME way, doesn't he, rather than walk...scott free, ladedah...

Chatty Crone said...

Man oh man oh man thanks for your support and loving words. Yes, it was a good 'topping'. Thanks for the prayers. And yes legally he is responsible for half - you'd have to take him to court and sue him for it - which is something we are thinking about.

Again thanks for all your kind words and support. I'm getting 'healed' by venting, writing, prayers, and encouragement - my daughter needs to find ways to help herself (too bad she won't listen to the crone . . . )

Olde Dame Penniwig said...

Gosh Chatty, I have a hard-and-fast rule: Never mess with crazy people, because they do NOT play by the rules of decency and might do something nuts. Watch out about tangling with that guy legally, I think he ain't hitting on all 8.

No, that's not "letting the bad guy win," that's just protecting yourself from harm by someone evidently outside the bounds of normalcy.

And go edit yer post and get his name off of there, dearie...

Well, you ranted on him pretty good, but what about yer daughter? Because I'd be wanting to kick her butt for getting tangled up with him in the FIRST PLACE. People get themselves in messes and it just drives me wild.

Anonymous said...
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Chatty Crone said...

Well,to tell you the truth, my daughter dated him for 2 years and she waited 5 years or so to even begin dating after her first husband.

We really thought he was an upstanding young man and we ALL loved him. We thought she did good!

I think he must have had panic attacks or something - who knows as he won't talk to her or us.

Wendy Whiner said...

Hi Chatty,

This was a great posting - I hope that the healing begins and your daughter starts feeling at peace knowing that this guy is a jerk. I'm glad she found out before they got married - it would be so much more painful getting over him and their dreams together if they had gone on with the wedding. She is truly lucky that she has a loving mom and dad. You guys are the best. Kellie Pickler's new song is right on too! Loved it!