“Laughter is the fireworks of the soul.”
Josh Billings (1818-1885)
LAST TRIP TO THAT STORE!
When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries,
the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."
Making a mental note so I could complain to our congressman
about this running amok Homeland Security crap,
I did just as he had instructed.
After the shrieking and hysterical remarks finally subsided,
I found out that he was referring to how I should position my credit card.
None the less , I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
Darn it, they need to make their instructions a little clearer for seniors...
A BAD SENIOR MOMENT
Thank you Joe.
I'm dreaming of a red Christmas and fitting into one of those dresses (well I said dreaming) - which one is your favorite? I think I like number 1 the best.
My Christmas Nails
My Christmas Shoes
So do I have good taste or what???
Your First Christmas Joke - and it's Scottish..........
A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says,
"I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough".
"Dad, what are you talking about?'" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer", the father says. "We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her".
Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like hell they're getting divorced", she shouts, "I'll take care of this".
She calls Scotland immediately and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?"and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
"Done! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way."
Seven Stages of Sickness for Married Couples
1ST YEAR: The husband says, "Oh, sweetie pie, I'm really worried about those nasty sniffles you have! There's no telling what that could turn into with all the strep that's been going around. I'm going to take you right down to the hospital and have you admitted for a couple days of rest. I know the food is lousy there, so I'm going to bring you some takeout from Tosini's. I've already arranged it with the head nurse."
2ND YEAR: "Listen, honey, I don't like the sound of that cough. I called the doc and he's going to stop by here and take a look at you. Why don't you just go on to bed and get the rest you need?"
3RD YEAR: "Maybe you better go lie down, darling. When you feel lousy you need the rest. I'll bring you something--do we have any canned soup around here?"
4TH YEAR: "No sense wearing yourself out when you're under the weather. When you finish those dishes and the kids' baths and get them to bed, you ought to go to bed yourself!"
5TH YEAR: "Why don't you take a couple aspirin?"
6TH YEAR: "You oughta go gargle or something, instead of sitting around barking like a dog!"
7TH YEAR: "For Pete's sake, stop sneezing. Are you trying to give me pneumonia? You'd better pick up some tissues while you're at the store."
Chris from Laugh and Lift via Calamity Jane.
Well, my tree is up - took lots of effort but it looks great, huh?
Don't you love the smell of pine!!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: