A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer says.
'This is a special day for me..... I am celebrating'
'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.
'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
'What a coincidence,' says the man.. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'
'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'
'I used a different rooster,' he replied.
The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'
Thank you Linda B.
Okay the following are from Sharon and Fran - I thought they were so cute!
Perks of reaching 50
Or being over 60
And heading towards
70 or beyond!
1. Kidnappers are not very Interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation, You are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run --Anywhere.
4. People call at 9 PM (or 9 AM) and ask,'Did I wake you?'
5. People no longer view you as a Hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left To learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now will Never wear out.
8. You can eat Supper at 4 PM.
9. You can live without sex But not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments About pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits As a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold Your stomach in no matter who walks Into the room.
13. You sing along With elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get Much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance Is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists Than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends Because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to A manageable size.
19. You can't remember Who sent you this list.
AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING:
Never, NEVER, NEVER ,Under any circumstances, Take a sleeping pill, and a laxative on
The same night!
(Thank you Jean)
The Things I Owe My Parents!
1. My Parents taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE ..
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside I just finished cleaning."
2. My Parents taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My Parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My Parents taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My Parents taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My Parents taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My Parents taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My Parents taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper"
9. My Parents taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My Parents taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My Parents taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My Parents taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My Parents taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My Parents taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My Parents taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My Parents taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My Parents taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My Parents taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My Parents taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My Parents taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My Parents taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My Parents taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My Parents taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My Parents taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. My Parents taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Thank you Kelly
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
"Laughter! I live by the motto "Don't take it serious, life's too mysterious!" Stress is a beauty robber. We all have so much stress and it wears on us. Beauty surely begins front the inside out. I have faith that things will work out, and laughter helps me to put things in perspective. When you laugh, you lighten the load-and it shows." Sue Arendt.
I want to thank all of you for those wonderful birthday wishes yesterday. And yes, I will answer all of you - but I will be a little late. Thinking of taking a nap today!
I am such a lucky and blessed person!