Chatty Crone

Your vision will become clear when you can look into your own heart.
Who looks outside dreams; who looks inside awakens." ~Carl Jung

I love Carl Jung. Also Ralph Waldo Emerson. Those two men think so like me (or I guess I think like them). Whatever, I get them.

I think part of life, an important part, is getting to know yourself. What you're made of. Now some people may take that like I mean that selfishly. Well, maybe it is a tad bit selfish I'm not sure. One thing I do believe is that we are put on earth and we have life work to do.

My background was one of being a caretaker. I'm not going to go into it now, but it was difficult. The one person I did not take care of for years was me! I think in a lot of ways it hurt me very deeply.

Now, my position in life has changed and the care taking is mostly over, the ones I care about now, I do try to set up boundaries and say NO to once in a while. You have too (saying no helps them to grow too).

So I ask myself, if I had the choice to live my life over would I? NO, maybe a thing or two, but basically no.

Why not? I mean I could give up a lot of pain and mental suffering I suffered through.

Yes, but maybe I wouldn't be the person I am today. And this is going to sound really weird and maybe presumptuous to say, I like who I am today. Every part of myself? No. Do I have any improvement to make? YES. But I like my core - note I didn't say everyone like me, but down deep I like me, I love me.

No matter what anyone does around me - I still remain who I am in my core or my soul. They can't really hurt me because I have found myself, I take care of me and I know things will be OK!

You see because of the pain I suffered, I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO FIND MY SOUL OR LOSE IT. I came to a crossroads in my several life years ago. I could make a left or a right, but I couldn't stay where I was. It was killing me - literally I believe. So if I went left, I could live a life completely shut off from feelings. Know anyone who is alive, but acts like they live in the land of the living dead?

Or I could turn right (the 'right' way) and choose to go through all the pain and struggle of dealing with my demons and my past to learn a better way to live, to find myself and who I really was. Maybe you get this maybe you don't. It's deep and I don't know how many people have to do this.

One more thing, I think I'm the lucky one. I personally know people - mature people - who are scared to death to live. They didn't chose to do their life work. Maybe they had issues (everyone does) but they weren't hard enough issues to make them desperate enough to seek growth. Or maybe they choose to go to the left side path. I don't know. I think the difference shows up when we get into the middle years - we either are happy and look forward to living the life we have right now or we are bitter, angry, and disappointed with life.

I'm not saying here I do everything right. But, I'm not angry and bitter. I choose God. I choose being positive and happy. I look forward to life. I'm trying to really life the best I can in the situation I'm in. I'm trying new things and I'm looking forward.

I hope you are too.

Chatty