For 2018

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Some random thoughts from the past week -


Delightfully and consistently inconsistent. Those three words sum me up to a tee. Years ago I probably would have taken those words - if someone else had said them - as a criticism. These days I'm happy with them because it is me - those words describe my essence. I like and accept who I am now and have made peace with who I am. I admit at one time I would have felt that I was too inconsistent - these days I realize I may be more inconsistent than some, but not too inconsistent. I think my Blog shows how my mind works - somewhat scattered, but the theme is consistent.

Have you ever written your friends and asked them to describe you in one (honest) word? Try it!

I'm going back to a few days ago, wrapping up some last minute thoughts from last week's topic.

I think what happens when as person has a trauma in any part of their life - or a tragedy of any sort - I think how it's handled depends a lot on that person's personality.

I remember hearing Truddi Chase talk about her book "When Rabbit Howls". She developed multiple personalities to cope with her traumas.

I saw Tatum O'Neil on Oprah talk about her struggles and how she turned to drugs.

People in the services (Viet Nam and Gulf War) came back with post traumatic stress syndrome coping with what they had to do and what they saw over there.

Some people turn to alcohol.

Some people become afraid to leave the house.

Some people overeat.

And so forth. Everyone tries to cope. Of course some ways are much better than others.

What I did as a child, was to put child way deep down inside my self - she was always there, but a lot of times she was asleep! There's another part of ones self that is the gate keeper of sorts - the one that protects the child (it won't let anyone in or let the child out). It's not done out of meanness - it happens to protect the child - the little one - who can't help themselves - from getting hurt. I'm not talking about a split personality here either by the way. I'm just saying when you get hurt as a child, you turn inward, and the hard core person comes out to protect.

Then there were the turbulent teen years - so filled with raw emotion and passions - every teenagers soul tries to wake up, stir up trouble, in order to find themselves. It a process you have to do to grow up! I think I did awaken for awhile, got hurt again, and retreated yet again.

You finally age and all of a sudden you start to ask yourself questions. Who, what, when, where, and why! Your gate keeper who was once your saving grace has now become the one that keeps you from growing up and living. What you really need to do is, open the flood gates. Let your soul out to feel, learn, and do what it has to do to grow up.

That's what you have to fight for. You have to let the gate keeper know it 's okay to let the soul out and the soul is safe.

And that is waking up - for me anyway. If you don't know what the heck I'm talking about - good for you! If you do, then kindred spirits we are.


1 comment:

thailandchani said...

Hi Chatty :) I think you're right. We all find ways to end suffering, one way or another. It's just that certain things work - and others don't. The only thing that has worked for me is to get over attachment and craving. It's amazing how all those things that were once so important and so traumatic take on an entirely different significance.