For 2018

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Thought for the day:

Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.“ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I'm an observer - a quiet observer most of the time - I do sometimes stick my two cents in at times when I get to the point I can't take it anymore. I try not to say too much because honestly, it doesn't change a thing. and I know it. It's more for me . . .

I think it is so funny when I see people trying change other peoples behavior, when these people have the very same problems.
My grandson at times, I feel when he is discouraged, tries to take the short cut way out of things. I think sometimes he looks lazy, but I really feel he thinks he can't do it so he doesn't try hard. He fails deliberately before he commits to trying. It's easier.

For example - karate - or it's really Tae Kwon Do . He moved up from Tigers and he's in the real lessons now and it has just blown his mind - you can see it. Plus I think he's trying to do everything he can for us to say he can quit. Personally, I feel if he quit now, we'd be saying he's right, he can't do it. I mean what would that be teaching him?

So I bought a packet of 12 individual lessons. Train, train, and train. He's had three so far and his confidence is getting better. He still goes into class extremely (deliberately) unfocused. Now that doesn't bother me I just don't look (Lol). I feel the teacher can handle that. My daughter can't let it go. She got so riled up. I knew she wanted to be all over him when he came out of class last night. I did manage to calm her down and by the time he got out all we said was good job. He was shocked! He thought we'd be mad and tell him he's out. I believe it's just going to take time, lessons, and patience and then he'll be okay.

We have arguments like this a lot in this family. It's hard for three adults to live in one house and raise one child. He gets over parented a lot. I try to let things go, but I think I have trouble for a couple of reasons. One, my own childhood makes me protect the underdog, two I see where I kind of failed in this area as a parent to my own kids, and three I am much smarter and healthier now and I believe (?) I know a better way.

So going to reason number two - failed as a parent. Rather harsh, let's just say I made some mistakes as a parent. A lot had to do with my own parenting. I knew I didn't want to be like my parents so I went 180 degrees, where I should only have gone 90 degrees. So as I am super responsible, dependable, and a care taker, my kids aren't like that. Yes, I spoiled them, I didn't want them to suffer like I did.

They did turn out great (with a few minor problems - but don't we all) thanks to God's help. My mentor was Dr. James Dobson. I love that man. So my failure as a parent was that I was too protective and I know the reason why. I worked on changing myself and I have changed - it may (?) be too late for my own kids, but non-the-less I've changed. I'm a 90 degree-er now.

Anyway - still venting here - my daughter is the exact same way my grandson is, but it shows up in different areas. And of course she doesn't see it. She doesn't want to. My grandson does the least amount of work he can do in karate so that what? He doesn't fail, or quit, or that he doesn't have to take RESPONSIBILITY! My daughter does the same things in certain areas of her life. She avoids responsibility. She doesn't work too hard or want to see what's happening. And I know I cannot make her open her eyes and see. The biggest problem for me is that I can't get mad at my grandson, when my daughter takes the easy way out of things as well. you know what I mean? I want to teach him the right way, to become self confident, and be patient.

Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.“ Ralph Waldo Emerson

You can't make someone plunge, dive, and swim = hard work = but that is what it takes to come back with self-respect and new power. You see what I did, by not letting her suffer for 30 years - she's a powder puff! She didn't learn it because I shielded the pain. Pain and suffering produce endurance, self respect, and self esteem.

So you see what Chatty has to do don't you? I have to let me daughter go through her own pain and suffering instead of me protecting her from it and yes I still do to some extent. It's much harder when they are an adult and live with you, but I must try - for her sake. So you see, I'm not perfect and I am still trying to learn and grow.

And don't get me wrong - I love her very very much.

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