For 2018

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

The theme of my life is circles. Life for me is always going round in circles.

"The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning." Ivy Baker Priest.

Life can chance in a second, in a minute, in a day, in a year, or years. The thing you can count on is life will go on and things will change. So if you don't like where you are today, just wait - it will change.

I thinking back in time. Five years ago - 2003. You'll see why I remember it so well.

In January of 2003 - both my parents died - same day -within 15 minutes - on opposite coasts - unrelated. I just watch a video we made in December or my mother at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I had forgotten or chose to forget how bad she looked? I would take her from the nursing home and bring her home -with wheelchairs, oxygen machine, medicines - for just a few hours and then I'd bring her back. I looked terrible. I looked old like death was just around the corner for me too. I had a bad hip and had a hard time walking myself. I'd watch my grandson who was 1 1/2 (!) by day and go take care of my mom (83) at night. I was whipped. I really looked bad - tired. I was the only one left from my nuclear family. My brother had died in 1997.

I turned 50 and my daughter gave me a fabulous surprise party. I'll have to write about that someday.

My daughter was in the middle of her horrendous - very expensive - three lawyer - private eyes - guardians - psychologicals - etc. divorce. We did everything to protect my grandchild and did - but it was expensive and the process of getting the divorce took three years and mega amounts of money.

My grandson got a diagnosis or SPD. I took him to speech, occupational therapy, and specials schools for years.

My son moved to Cincinnati :(.

My husband found out he had prostrate cancer and had surgery in June. That summer we just stayed home and he as recuperated we potty trained my grandson.

Oh yeah, my husband lost his job in March 2003. His company went under. He's an accountant - CPA. Hence is why I put that video blog about The Job below - that's real life for financial people these days. (Exactly like our wood chip experience.)

Did you know that suffering produces endurance? It's true - I have lots of endurance. :)

I had hard times and years before, so this wasn't my first year or times of troubles, but it was my worst. So I was strong, but even I wondered if I could endure all of that, but I did. I didn't become bitter either, but I to WORK HARD at it - I even got a little mad at God - I mean enough is enough.

Now Five years later:

I've more or less gotten through my grief work concerning my family. I am freer now to live my life. Less care taking.

I'm 55 and I'm better than I've been for the last 20 years at least.

I've had a new hip put in and I'm doing fabulous - thank God. I'm able to have a life now. Ever hear of Legg-Calve-Perthes disease? The last season of Dance With the Stars - the male soap opera star (?) had it as a child, but they caught. They didn't catch mine (so much more information and help put there now). I suffered with it a long time, but I made the decision to do it and I made it. I'm a chicken to go to the doctor, but God was with me with this - I was at peace.

My daughter is divorced and she is dating a fabulous man.

My grandson got so much early intervention - that he's doing awesome and is totally mainstreamed. He does scouts and Ta Kwon Doe. He's wonderful.

My son is still in Cincinnati - a doctor - got married two years ago and is happy. I've made peace with his decision to leave as best I could.

My husband is cancer free - five years now!

Oh yeah, my husband has been doing contract work the last five years and guess what - he finally got a permanent job. Starts in a couple of weeks. A miracle!

So today, this year, totally different. I'm celebrating. I almost feel like my life is normal. Kind of scary in a weird way. I'm not sure what normal feels like.

A quote from Ziggy - "How can your joyous of joys turns into your saddest of sads"?

And I reverse that as well - "How can your saddest of sads turn into your joyous of joys"?

Something to think about.



Changes in the wind said...

Chatty what a horrible ordeal to got glad you persevered but more important came out with a smile and hope. May the days ahead bring you joy....

Anonymous said...

All I can say is WOW!!!!!!
Pam 'Oh Da Woods