For 2018

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Relaxing and tired in Aruba.

I learned something this trip. Actually I knew it all along I just got reminded of it again:

You cannot change someone else. Even if you think you are just trying to help them - to make them happier and make their life more enjoyable.

Can someone be miserable in paradise? YES! And reversely can someone be happy in misery? YES!

The miserable soul has to find his way and the care taker must find his own way.

Everyone is responsible for themselves. We must change our own way of thinking. We can't help others and others cannot help us.

That's the way change can occur. You have to commit. Once one is committed (about anything) the wheels start to turn. Until you're committed your not committed. Commitment most think is an ugly word these days. It doesn't scare me. It's just hard work, but the end is worth it.

I saw one man there and he looked so miserable and unhappy. I wondered why and how in the mist of all that beauty he could be so seemingly angry - at his wife and his children. It was sad. At first I felt bad for the family he was with. But then I noticed something. Eventually they just let him be - his wife included. The family went on and did things themselves and they were happy without him. He stayed on the chairs by the pool and just read while life when on around him.

I guess in thinking about this, it's sad that they are not the happy family some families are, but they moved on and made the best of it. They chose/committed to move on. Difficult times can make you stronger. Not that this was ideal, but it worked.

I know something of abuse and that's what I'd call the above. My mind wonders to my car. . .

Now how can I connect my car to the story above and to abuse? The accident was $3000 worth of damage. It looks great now I just picked it up. However, I can tell it has been in an accident. The back door just doesn't quite close like it used too. The world will think it's perfect and it is functional and good, but the scar, the rougher closing of the back door, will always be a reminder to me of the accident. So while I go on I will remember.

Such is life at times. I think when you're not treated correctly like say as a child your situation is similar to the car. You look and act okay on the outside and most of the time you are, but the scars, the little way one is off, will always be a reminder. I can't explain it. I don't deliberately think about my past, but for some reason it pops up from time to time. I used to try to 'swallow' it and that didn't work out so well, so now I tend to let it come up, I look at it without fear or judgement, and realize it's just another part of me. That's okay because like in the panda movie - the bad guy said, "Your nothing but a big fat panda." The panda said, "No, I'm THE big fat panda." Well, I'm THE me. I'm THE Chatty (Lol).


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