For 2018

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The art of changing - Tuesday's Mullings

The Art of Changing -

If you know anything about me me you'd know these things by now:

1)I'm firm believer in making yourself into a better and more positive person no matter what (no excuses).

2) Everything we do in life, is done by our own choice. We have a choices in every decision. I believe we're responsible for those choices we make (no matter what).

3) I'm honest, open, and self examining (for better or worse).

4) I do have educated answers, but I'm not an expert, they're just my humble opinions.

To stay true to the idea of my Blog and myself, this is again about change . . .

Why do some people change and others don't?

Why are some willing to take a risk and others are not?

Does everyone need to change?

I believe that some of us are propelled(shot) into having to change because of some issue of suffering we've gone through in the past. It could be an abusive childhood or marriage, severe life altering poverty and destitution. Sickness - cancer, MS, Parkinson's, etc. The death of loved ones. Starvation. Persecution. Hurricanes/tornadoes. War and it's aftermath. Any sort of severe and unusual strife and stress.

I do so wonder at times if all people go through some severe pain in their life. Pain causes a conversion of sorts. Or are the majority of people blessed enough to have avoided some an enormous pain in their life. We don't talk about these kinds of things much. We want to hide our pain. People don't want to hear about others pain. They ask, "How are you?" and we answer, "Fine," just to avoid talking and feeling about how we feel.

I believe that we who have gone through painful experiences - have much more motivation to work on ourselves to become whole, because of the pain we suffered. I know for a fact that children who suffered in childhood are much more motivated to work on becoming whole because of the pain they find themselves in as an adult. Pain can be a great motivator to make yourself move - either in a negative or a positive direction. I'm supposing that's true for other painful experiences as well. Pain can leave you in a mess. And if you want to get out of it positively you have to reframe you're entire life. I guess some people can learn to accept it like it is. Others turn bitter. Working on your life and change makes one better - accepting the chronic pain and unhappiness instead of changing can make one bitter. Better of bitter.

You have to reach this point:

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”. (Anais Nin) (You have to really 'get' this to get this.)

What we hope ever to do with ease we may learn first to do with diligence."– Samuel Johnson

So are there people out there that don’t have to work on becoming whole?

I think becoming whole is a process of living - as that is the nature of life - to grow and change - it's in all living things. It's part of the human condition. I mean how can you get around it change? I wonder at times if that's what depression, suicide, fear, insanity come from. Knowing you need to change, but for some reason you just can't (although the word can't is one I hardly use or let my kids use - I always have taught them the Yoda phrase - "Do or do not, there is no try!" Even my grandson has been taught that).

In the book A New Earth he talks about the plant that turns into a flower. The seed doesn't become a bigger seed it becomes a plant. The plant doesn't become a bigger plant - it becomes the flower. It metamorphoses from one thing to something entirely different.

"I do believe it is possible to create, even without ever writing a word or painting a picture, by simply molding one's inner life. And that too is a deed." – Etty Hillesum (You can find ways to change in many ways out there.)

What about the people out there who are staunch believers for remaining the same. Those who do not want to change or those that just can't change for some reason? An unhappy person choosing to stay unhappy -that seems so sad to me - why would someone want to do that? They might even know they're unhappy and they still make the decision to stay the same. Maybe they just don't want to do the work it takes to change - it's too hard- too much work. Maybe they are afraid. Maybe they are scared of who they will become. Maybe the habit is too conmforatable they way it is.

To change means they would have to be honest with themselves and examine who they are. No one can remove the thorn in their flesh/soul for them. They must chose and do the work themselves. Truth is we all find out things about ourselves that aren’t too complimentary! Change is scary, it is painful, and it deals with the unknown. And for whatever reason, they cannot or will not change – even though it’s detrimental to the ones they love.

Changing Chatty

"Courage is the human virtue that counts most — courage to act on limited knowledge and insufficient evidence. That's all any of us have."– Robert Frost

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