Why we should respect senior stuntmen:
WHO IS JACK SCHITT (sorry in advance for the word, but it's funny)
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in a intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the Fertilizer
magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had
one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple
produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull
Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high
school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living
with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a
rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six
children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout
childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens
nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently
returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.
Crock O. Schitt
Subject: Married Thrice
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.
"He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes up the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
"The Lone Ranger replies, " I see millions of stars ."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute and then says,
Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets
Astrologically , it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise , it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
Theologically , the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically , it looks like we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you, Tonto? "
"You dumber than dirt. It mean someone stole the tent "
Go out and have fun Friday!!!!!!!!