For 2018

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Friday, November 20, 2009

"Humor is the affectionate communication of insight." ~ Leo Rosten

A dog for sale -

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff!

Observations on Growing Older (let's face it...we all are...)

You know you are old when....

· It’s harder to tell navy from black!

· Everything old is new again, but if you wore it then, you’re too old to wear it the 2nd time around!

· Your kids are becoming you….and you don’t like them! ….but your grandchildren are perfect!

· Yellow becomes the big color…walls…hair…teeth!

· Going out is good…coming home is better!

· When people say you look “Great”…they add “for your age”!

· When you needed the discount you paid full price…Now you get discounts on everything…movies, hotels, flights, but you rarely want to go anywhere.

· You forget names but it’s OK because other people forgot they even knew you.

· The last 2 outfits you wore had spots on them.

· You ask your husband or friend how your outfit looks and they tell you the truth!

· The five pounds you wanted to lose is now 15 and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.

· You realize you’re never going to be really good at anything especially golf.

· Your husband is counting on you to remember things he doesn’t remember.

· The things you cared to do…you don’t care to do, but you care that you don’t care to do them anymore.

· Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring then he does in bed. It’s called his “pre-sleep”

· Remember when your mother said “Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident”?…Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!

· You used to say, “I hope my kids GET married. Now, I hope they STAY married!

· Who wants to wear 3” heels anyway.

· You miss the days when everything worked with just an “ON” and “OFF” switch. When GOOGLE…ipod…email…modem …were unheard of, and a mouse was something that made you climb on a table.

· You use more 4 letter words….”what?” “when?”…???

· Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it’s not safe to wear it anywhere.

· Your husband has a night out with the guys, but he’s home by 9:00 P.M….next week it will be 8:30 P.M.

· You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you’ve read it.

. 3 of the people in People Magazine you’ve never heard of. (make that "most of the people")

· Your concealer doesn’t conceal.

· Your lipstick bleeds. Your mascara clumps and your eyebrows are disappearing.

· You don’t have hair under your arms and very little on your legs but your chin needs to be plucked daily!

· What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

· Everybody whispers.

· Now that your husband has retired, you’d give anything if he’d find a job!

· You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet…2 of which you will never wear.

But….old is good in some things: …old songs…old movies

And best of all OLD FRIENDS!!!!!

Happy Birthday to country singer Josh Turner - (Wikipedia)
Josh Turner is also a devout Christian.

In 1996, Turner developed a lesion on his right vocal cord. Surgery was not needed, but he did have to rest his voice for a year. Turner states that he "learned how to whistle really well during that year."[1] Turner was examined by the Vanderbilt voice clinic who advised him to let it heal on his own. While Turner rested his voice back at home, he learned classical vocal techniques and how to take care of his voice and avoid developing further problems.

Turner plays George Beverly Shea in the film titled Billy: The Early Years, the film is a biopic of the evangelist Billy Graham. George Beverly Shea led the music on many of Graham's crusades.

Love the song - Why Don't We Just Dance?




Changes in the wind said...

Love the dog story and fully understand the growing older tips...most of which I have had first hand experience with...have to laugh.

Joyce said...

I needed a good laugh and you certainly gave me a few with your post this AM.

That corgi :) said...

that dog joke was cute! oh my gosh I could relate to a lot of those getting old sayings. loved the one about reading 100 pages into a book and realizing you read it before; been there and done it :)

enjoy the weekend ahead


Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

Love your Fridays!

Angela said...

Oh my gosh! You just let me know that I'm gettin old! A lot of those were me. The dog joke sure was a good one. Gotta love the last picture of the dog with that smile on his face!

Hope you have a Great Weekend!

Sue said...

Great dog made me laugh...and your "old" list....Oh boy are they the favorite...everybody whispers.

Chatty Crone said...

Most of those comments I recognized in my self!

A Lil Enchanted said...

Love the dog story! And the getting old... yep.... getting there for sure... I think I've aged 10 years in the last 4.

A Lil Enchanted,

santamaker said...

That was a cute story...thanks for the chuckle. Glad you came by for a visit!

Buttercup said...

The dog story makes me chuckle. Thanks!