For 2018

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Hump day . ..

“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use. ” Emily Post

I went to a Bot Mitzvah last Saturday - it was for a daughter of a good friend.
Yes - I would consider him a good friend or I wouldn't have gone because of my knee.

Anyway my daughter and grandson went too. Now I gave the girl a nice check. My daughter - and while I admit this may not be right - she gave her some perfume from Victoria's Secret that she had received as she is allergic to perfume. Plus she in on an extremely tight budget.

Anyhow our friend called her and told her his daughter hated it. He said I guess we're good enough friends that he could tell he that. He wanted to know if she had received this as some cheesy gift or did she buy it and wanted the receipt.

Well right then and there she should have just told him, but couldn't. She was so embarrassed and humiliated. She mumbled something like she will look for it and would get back to him.

She didn't want him to think she didn't care about his daughter - she does - she's just having to budget her money. And thought that Victoria's Secret would be something a young girl would like.

She just called him back and told him she couldn't find it and to try to take it back.

What do y'all think?

And thank you Jerry for this one -

Inner Peace:

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment ,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

.....Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!

Love always,



Anonymous said...

Oh, gee; how awkward. I'd just leave it alone if I were your daughter. Your relationship does seem close and it doesn't sound like, in the long run, this would matter that much. His words may have been unthoughtful, but he was probably being more frank because of his trust in your relationship.

Your daughter was caught off-guard and it's understandable how a lie came to her mind.

(and I would have thought some VS perfume would be great for a teenager! My older girl - 21 - loves it)

- Sally

The Quintessential Magpie said...

Sandy, I am horrified that someone would actually do that to your daughter. I can tell you right now, that person is not a friend. No friend does something like that. I have never in all my life heard of anything so tacky. 'Nuff said.


Sheila :-)

The Quintessential Magpie said...

I cannot believe that man would risk his relationship with you and your daughter over a gift! I'm shocked. Someone's mama didn't teach him manners.

varunner said...

Wow. That seems just really rude. So sorry he was like that to your daughter - she must feel terrible.
People should be thankful for what they have.

Maria@BubblegumandDuctTape said...

I've never heard of someone doing something like this. My initial reaction is that this person didn't care about your daughter's feelings and was just being very rude. But then I realized that maybe in other countries this may be acceptable and normal (I don't know if your friend is originally from another country?).

We don't always LOVE what we receive as gifts from people we care about but that's just part of life, we don't expect everyone to know all our likes. It doesn't matter that your daughter was re-gifting, I do that all the time.... you just don't want something nice to go to waste.

Your daughter should not feel obligated to find another gift. I would tell her to ignore my friend and I would privately tell my friend to return the item himself/herself and get something his/her daughter might like better.

Life is good! said...

wow. what an ungracious person. i would have just tried to take it back myself or just taught my child to accept gifts graciously. but it does take all kinds to make the world go around. tell your daughter i don't think she did anything wrong! i'm a regifter and i think its A OK.

Melanie said...

Wow, that's pretty rude, in my opinion. I feel so bad for your daughter. :(
I could not even imagine doing something like that, good friend or not!

Knitty said...

In my opinion, the only time a recipient should ask for the receipt is if an expensive item doesn't work. By that I mean if you received a game system like Xbox and it wasn't functioning, you would assume the gift giver had paid for a lemon and you would expect to be able to exchange it for a working model.

The man's daughter may have the freedom to say she hated the scent to her parents, but their response should have been that you always thank someone for a gift, and to perhaps quietly find a friend who would enjoy the perfume. He definitely should not have said a word to your daughter!

Years ago on a HGTV message board I got into a hot discussion with a woman complaining about receiving bridal gifts that weren't on her registry, that these items were either junk or not to her taste and were a major pain to her because she had to take the time to return or exchange them. Many agreed with her but many more felt as I did, that a gift is never an obligation and if you think you can dictate what people should give you, you are not worthy of receiving a dang thing. That is very ugly behavior.

Linda @ A La Carte said...

That is just plain rude! I re-gift and think it is perfectly OK. VS perfume is not some cheesy gift but really expensive. Your daughter should not have been put in that situation and I think she handled it just fine. hugs, Linda

Ginny said...

You have GOT to be kidding, Sandie!! Maybe you don't really want to know what I think! I think this was a hurtful thing to do. Sometimes we are so close to our family and good friends that we take advantage of them by treating them any way we want because we think we can be ourselves with them. But there IS a limit, and your friend has crossed it! For one thing, everyone has different taste, and I would never offend anyone by telling them that their gift is awful. What if your daughter had really picked ut that perfume?? That would be telling her that she has very bad taste, a hurtful thing to say. If this friend says one more thing, I would tell them that she is having a tight time with money and you are sorry they don't appreciate her effort. That mght make them feel bad, but who knows with someone like that?

Stella said...

People seem to forget that with a gift it is the thought that counts not what you receive. Not only has this child not been taught any manners but we can see that the parent is certainly not the one to be teaching manners. I am sorry your daughter was hurt and embrassed but tell her others don't always having the loving heart she has.

^..^Corgidogmama said...

Oh me oh my...first of all, he was very rude! That was my first reaction! Today, most places don't require a receipt for returns, so it may fly!
Good post!

Home In The Hollow said...

Good luck with that one! My daughter is in retail (Mgr-White House Black Market) and receipts are golden! My dealings with Victoria Secret is I doubt it...:)JP

My Blonde Moments - Sharon said...

WOW! That totally takes the cake!
My mother would die (if she hadn't already) if I said anything but "thank you" when given a gift.

Your daughter was "giving a gift"... what would this guy have done if she had shown up empty handed- I wonder?

I probably would have been caught off-guard too, just as your daughter was...I don't know what I would have said...but I do know after some time passed and I had a moment to think about what I should have said...I don't think it would have been nice!

Tell your daughter not to worry and leave him hanging!

Please let us know the out-come on this!

Love your Blog!


The Boston Lady said...

I think it was really rude! Of him, not your daughter. VS perfume is not some thoughtless gift anyway, I know many women and young women who love it! He was wrong to make her feel that way. Shame on HIM. Ann

Marydon said...

That dog has it down 'pat' ... sorry, I just had to say that. Love your write.

TY for your sweet well wishes ... I'm slowly mending & unbruising.

Hugs, Marydon

Linda O'Connell said...

I think I'd tell him, "It is customary for our family to say Thank You when we receive a gift, whether we like it or not. Exactly what message are you sending your daughter?" Oh yes, I would say that. Then I'd let it go and tell your daughter she did nothing wrong. This person is either insensitive or not your friend.

Dogmom Diva said...

Sandie, I have to agree with everyone else, first VS is not a cheesy gift and that was rude of that man to say he thought so. Your daughter was sure put on the spot..that said, i say he can figure it out..they can regift it. I would love to have some VS myself!


Debbie said...

First, I love that Emily Post quote at the beginning. I'm going to write that one down!

Second, I feel so sorry for your daughter. I understand a budget well, and I know how hard it is to give gifts that you WANT to give to others without breaking the bank.

Personally, I think the father's call was in poor taste and showed poor manners. Your daughter handled it about like I would because I'm very chicken when it comes to things like that.

Tanna at The Brick Street Bungalow said...

Well, I knew I wasn't fitting in to any of those last categories! LOL! Now, I know I wasn't the dog! LOL!

I don't know what to do about the perfume dilema! Good luck to your daughter!

Angela said...

That was down right rude of that man to do that to your daughter! I would never do that to anyone. I've always been taught and am teaching my kids that it is the thought that counts. I too am allergic to perfume and have had to grin and bear it when family that knows that I am gives it to me as a gift. I have never asked them for a receipt so I could take it back and I've never even tried to take it back. That is just extremely rude and insensitive of that man! My daughter would have loved the perfume so I'm sure his daughter loved it to. If I was your daughter I would just keep on playing the I can't find the receipt and that it was a thoughtful gift. I wouldn't ever let him know that it was a regift which I don't find anything wrong with that at all either. It was the thought that counted and it's not like she was being mean like my out law who gave it to me knowing that I am allergic!


Susan said...

Hi Sandie....I think the girl's father was extremely nervy and rather ignorant. It is important to be GRACIOUS when receiving a gift. Even if I HATED something, I'd say, "Thank you for the gift." Is the daughter a spoiled little brat, or what? She should be grateful she got ANY gift! oooooo, that would have made me MAD. Okay, well, that's my opinion. I don't think that guy is a very good friend at all----or at least not the kind of friend I would want to have. Susan

Marjorie (Molly) Smith said...

Oh lord, I wish I had a dollar for every gift I ever got that I didn't like...but my Momma taught me manners, I just say thank you, how very thoughtful of you...
For this man to call your Daughter and ask her was it a cheesy gift? {A CHEESY GIFT how dare him to insult your daughter like that..what did he think? That she would do something like that at a special occassion}. or did she buy it, then ask for the receipt was exptemely rude and in very bad taste. Not to mention having the nerve to tell her, his daughter didn't like the gift...
This man is teaching his child that it is all important..what she wants she gets, it is the thought that counts not the gift. Your daughter was by no means obligated to get this spoiled brat anything at all.
Ok, I've said enough, my meds are kicking in and I would like to take this man and his daughter and choke the impoliteness right out of them...Where is the mother? doesn't she have any better home train than that.
Sorry Sandie, my Momma Bear claws come out when someone I care about is hurt, when only trying to do something nice with what she has.
PS all 3 of my DILs and 2 grands would die for VS perfume.

FishHawk said...

Adding Disco was a very nice touch! By the way, when can I expect the first royalty check?

Donna B said...

In my opinion, the man was rude.

I LOVED your inner peace...absolutely LOVED IT!

Just Be Real said...

Manners? What is that? Where is the sensitivity at times? So very sorry Sandie.

Homemade Quilts by Granny said...

First thing I though was that his daughter may not have said this he may not have wanted her to have it and wanted money...who knows...we know he's a jerk and he ask for the receipt. Trish

That corgi :) said...

I agree with the majority of the commenters, Sandie. That guy was rude in the way he handled this. I taught my kids to thank people for gifts received and if they didn't like what they got, we would deal with it later between ourselves whether we sold it at a garage sale, etc. Your poor daughter to have to be the recipient of his rudeness!

I have to say though, did you like the Bot Mitzvah? I've never been to one (either for the girl or boy).

hope you are doing okay with your recovering and each day brings a little glimmer of hope that the end is in sight with less pain, more mobility, etc.

(moving next week)


Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

Tacky behavior on the part of your "friend"! It is never polite to ask for a gift receipt. The white lie on your daughter's part was perfectly acceptable and understandable. I'd let it go and never again go anywhere those people invited me. (I too would have thought that a young girl would have loved that perfume).

Sharon Kirby said...

Oh man - VERY sticky situation.

But I've gotta agree with many of the comments here - HOW RUDE!! I think there's NO excuse for treating someone's gift in this way. I don't care if you don't like it - fake it and say thank you.

I can understand your daughter having to "fib" - I would have been totally caught off-guard...

I don't have a solution - Maybe she could tell the gentleman (boy, that's an ironic title) that she gave the perfume because it was a "grown-up" gift - something a young WOMAN would enjoy on this very special occasion in her life.

BOY OH BOY - some people!

Tweedles -- that's me said...

As the fairy tale goes,,,
"if you can't say something good... don't say anything at all"

Simply Debbie said...

Since I was old enough to give a gift or receive a gift, I have NEVER heard of anyone doing this let alone a GROWN MAN...friend or not. I do not care how good a friend he is...who would be willing to risk a friendship over a bottle of perfume....if and I say if he was a good friend then he would know how hard your precious daughter works for no more pay than a teacher receives. I am very sad for your precious daughter, Sandie, who has a beautiful heart and this was just uncalled for. I think this man's daughter needs to take an etiquette class and learn to be gracious, knowing hard times may come her way one day.
Love you both
Simply Debbie

Simply Debbie said...

I want to say I do not know this man but by this one action you speak of and I do not think a friend would behave in this manner.
It may not be his daughter at all but just him. Maybe since it was a Victoria Secret perfume he didn't want to think of a gift for his daughter associated with a sexier, more mature woman...No Dad wants to think of their little girl growing up and being attractive to the opposite sex...He no doubt handled it very wrong and it was uncalled for.I will in no way condone his actions but when most men hear the name Victoria Secret, they think sex. I was just thinking about when he called your daughter and used the word "cheesey"...but even so, he should have just talked to his daughter and let it go...let's send them both to etiquette school.
I'm sorry this happened. Ms. K owes this man no receipt, no new gift, no nothing...and really he owes her an apology
Simply Debbie


Now with a parent like that do we need to wonder why alot of children are so very unappreciative in the world today? Sandie your friend should have never talked to your daughter like that! Tell her NOT to be bothered by it a bit...AND tell her NOT to feel obligated to replace the gift...the simple fact that you shared the day with these "friends" should have been enough! It amazes me that a person could have a party because of a "sacred" not find it in their heart to appreciate people sharing the day with them but instead concerning that they like the gifts! Really???

BECKY said...

OMG Sandie! I agree with everyone, and I particularly like Linda O'Connell's response! She is a hoot and tells it like it is! I'm sorry, but it sounds like your friend's daughter is going to be a royal pain in the you-know-what when she grows up....and in fact, already is!!

Granny Annie said...

And you still consider this person your "friend"? The daughter is the way she is because her parents support her behavior. How could he have made that call and still be able to look at himself in a mirror?

Re-gifting is a big thing and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Plus I would think a teenager would like something from VS.