Fun Friday with a little help from my friends.

 

The Pastor's New Teeth

A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.

The following Sunday, he talks for two hours and 48 minutes.

The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.

The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than eight minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up.

Thank you Jerry!

 

 Thank you Kelly.

 

My wife, Julie, had  been after me for several weeks to paint the seat on our  toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it while Julie was  out. After finishing, I left to take                 care of another  matter before she returned.                 She came in and undressed  to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on  the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that  the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet  seat.                 About that time, I got home and realized her predicament.                 We both pushed and pulled without any  success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, I undid the  toilet seat bolts.                 Julie wrapped a sheet around herself  and I drove her to the hospital emergency room.                 The ER  Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to  free her (Try to get a mental picture of this.).                 Julie  tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying,  "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like  this before."                 The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen  lots of them......                 I just never saw one mounted and  framed."

Hope you thought that was funny!  Thanks Monica.

 

 

IT'S SO HOT in . . . . . . .

.....the birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground.
.....the trees are whistling for the dogs.
.....the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance
.....hot water comes from both taps.
.....you can make sun tea instantly.
.....you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
.....the temperature drops below 90 F and you feel a little chilly.
.....you discover that in July it only takes two fingers to steer your car

     (one on each hand).
.....you discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
.....you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
.....you break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 5:30 A.M.
.....your biggest motorcycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out

     and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death"?
.....you realize that asphalt has a liquid stage.
.....the potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out

     and add butter.
.....the cows are giving evaporated milk.
.....farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from

     laying boiled eggs.

IT'S SO DRY in Indiana that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling, the Methodists are using wet-wipes, the Presbyterians are giving rain checks, and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water!

 Thank you to my cousin Jeannie in Indiana!

 

Thank you Sharon.

Now sorry guys - but it is good to be a woman and I'll tell you why:

1. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo. 
2. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 
3. We will never regret piercing our ears. 
4. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 
5. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

Sorry guys , but it's true.  Thank you Fran.

Thank you Kelly.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY!

 PS: Yesterday my husband went to the library and a woman came up to him and handed him his own wallet. He had dropped it out in the parking lot! Inside was a fold he had place a $100 bill - why I don't know - but it was still there and she put her business card there. So if there is anyone in the Marietta area that needs someone that needs health care - here is the email www.CobbinHomeCare.com or 678-777-2989. I wish I had her name when my mother was dying. I would have trusted her!. 

Thanks Fabiola Benner!