"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Friday, September 13, 2013

Fun Fridays with a little help from my pals.

A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard,
has sued St Luke's hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there,
he lost all interest in sex.   
A hospital spokesman replied ...
"Mr. Maynard was admitted in Ophthalmology -

all we did was correct his eyesight."
Thank you Monica! 

Thanks Sharon

Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing
as well as she used to and he thought she
might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her,
he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal
test the husband could perform to give the
Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand
about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal
conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until
you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking
dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, '
I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.'
Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's
for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen,
about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg,
what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where
he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks,
'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about
10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her.
'Peg, what's for dinner?'

(I just love this!!)
'Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'
Thanks Kim at Millie's Mats 

If you watch this you will roll on the floor laughing to death!

Thanks Kelly

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that's easy to understand.
Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.
I beg to differ because there is:
When you marry the right woman, you are "COMPLETE"!

And when you marry the wrong one, you are "FINISHED"!

And if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ... "COMPLETELY FINISHED" !!

Thank you Ann at Snap and Edit

This is certainly great for anyone who has difficulty getting in and out of a car.

Wonder how long it will take to get this on the market in Japan and the U.S. ?
 Thanks Jerry Asthecracherheadcrumbles

I owe my mother. 

1.    My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . 

      "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.. I just finished cleaning." 

2.  My mother taught me RELIGION .  

    "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 

3.  My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL . 

    "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 

4.  My mother taught me LOGIC . 

    "Because I said so, that's why." 

5.  My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .  

    "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 

6.  My mother taught me FORESIGHT . 

    "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 

7.  My mother taught me IRONY .  

    "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 

8.  My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS  

      "Shut your mouth and eat your supper. 

9.  My mother taught me about CONTORTION-ISM . 

    "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA  .. 

      "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 

11. My mother taught me about  WEATHER . 

      "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY . 

     "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE . 

     "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.." 

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION . 

      "Stop acting like your father!" 

15. My mother taught me about ENVY . 

      "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . 

      "Just wait until we get home." 

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING . 

    "You are going to get it when you get home!" 

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE . 

      "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way." 

19. My mother taught me ESP . 

      "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 

20.  My mother taught me HUMOR .  

      "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT . 

      "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 

22. My mother taught me GENETICS .  

      "You're just like your father." 

23. My mother taught me about my  ROOTS . 

    "Shut that door behind you.  Do you think you were born in a barn?" 

24. My mother taught me WISDOM .  

      "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 

And my favorite: 

25.  My mother taught me about JUSTICE . 

    "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you !"  
Thank you Terry at Backwardranch

Thanks Jenn at Three Graces

x_3bf587b6 photo




Shelly said...

You always have the best stuff for us! That little chihuahua video was priceless!

Granny Annie said...

Mostly your ususal funny stuff but for some reason the little chihuahua video seemed more cruel than funny to me.

Saleslady371 said...

Thanks for all the laughs. My favorite is Cookie Monster. Have a great weekend!

andy said...

Hahaha happy Friday !

Kim said...

Poor little Chihuahua!

thisisme said...

Hi Sandie. That little video was just SO funny, and the rest of the funnies were hilarious as always. I loved the one about the wife telling her husband for the umpteenth time - CHICKEN!!! Hilarious. Enjoy you weekend over there and thanks for the smiles today.

Saimi said...

Always great to start the day with a laugh!! Thanks

Sandra said...

on the I owe my mother, change that to I owe my father and that is me, he said almost everyone of these at sometime in my life.

Terri D. said...

So many good chuckles today!! Thanks, I needed that!! :)

Lynn@Happier Than a Pig in Mud said...

Poor Bert! And I love the wrinkly little puppy:@)

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

That dog will put up with his owner doing that to him and still love him/her. A spouse wouldn't. It might be better to have a dog.

Catherine said...

Wishing you a fun and happy weekend Sandie!
xo Catherine

Sandee said...

Love that little dog video. Hated that outfit and then some.

Have a fabulous day honey. Big hugs. :)

Optimistic Existentialist said...

Your mother taught you a lot and I have no doubt that she's super proud :)

TexWisGirl said...

love the cats/ladder one! and the opthamology surgery!

Sharon said...

Another joy-full Friday laughfest. Thanks!!


Renae of Simple Sequins said...

Oh Sandie, I love the "Gated Community" the Chihuahua and the Mother Teaching Thing. I was screaming at many of those!!! So LOL funny!!!!!

Got to run,but I'll reply to your email later today. (♥)

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

My mother did teach me about my roots. I heard that one often ! No, I wasn't born in a barn. It is a fun Friday here, it's much cooler and I actually feel like get some things done! Hope you have a fantastic Friday!

Theresa said...

My mother taught me all those things too, God love her.

My dogs hate booties too and will sit in their beds glaring at me too when I put them on them.

Have a great weekend!

Pooja Mittal said...

I was in really bad moon and your article made me smile..,
U always make me happy from within.,
Keep in touch,

Lucy said...

Love your blog. I usually come away smiling.

Nonnie said...

Great stuff. The cats and the ladder ... The gated community. Too much! Our mamas were really something, huh?

Kathe W. said...

your blog is priceless! Never can have too many laughs! Cheers!

Shalet Jimmy said...

I work on Saturday and Sunday. My off day is Thursday....:D

Shalet Jimmy said...

I forgot to tell you, all your posts are very positive. Loved everything.

Gail Dixon (La.Belle) said...

Oh, it's good to be back and laughing at your funny posts! The chi chi dressed as a court jester was too funny. If I'd had something in my mouth it would have sprayed all over my screen! LOL

Renegades said...

Love the gated community one! Thanks for the smile.

Ms. A said...

Great smiles and chuckles. Wow, that was a big leash for such a tiny Chihuahua. Poor baby was not pleased, at all.

barbara l. hale said...

Lots of laughs today! Is that car door thing for real?? I have to share that on FB.

barbara l. hale said...

BTW, I love that picture of the macaque. He was the wallpaper on my computer for a couple of months last year. What a beautiful creature he is!

Ginny said...

I have spent probably the last 10 minutes visiting you, and laughing!!! The dog n the Jester's outfit, oh my GOSH!!! And I MUST HAVE the doorless car!!!! Phil said that if the window breaks you won't be able to get out, but I don't know...anyway it is probably the price of a house!

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Lots of funny here today. Enjoy your weekend....Love, Debby

Ann said...

you have some really good ones here today. The first picture had me laughing right off the bat and the video of the dog was too funny

jack69 said...

Love this one too. My mama taught me a lot of those things, They sure bring a smile now.
BUT I cracked up at the Gated Community!!!!!

Love from NC. This one was GREAT! Love the visit...

Miss Debbie said...

Good stuff, Sandie!


LOVE the pup. Feel sorry for it too.

NanaDiana said...

LOL- I really did laugh at that poor dog! Happy Friday to you! Oooppps-guess it is Saturday here now- xo Diana

Merlesworld said...

I do like the car with the disappearing door, that a good idea and I had a few laughs.

Denise said...

Funny, as always.

Eva Ason said...

Happy weekend my friend!! Thank you for a hilarious post again. That hearing story is brilliant. Poos little doggy with his boots. Hope your week has been good, mine was a bit busy and I am really enjoying my time off now. It's a bit cooler outside and fresh. It was so humid for a long time so I like this better. Have a lovely day!!


Tree Hugger - Suzan said...

Most great laughs!!
like the one about no more sex and the eyes had been corrected!! and the one of the jail - as the gated community!! Have a wonderful weekend!! Now if it would move slow-l-y!!

Josie Two Shoes said...

Such an awesome collection of reasons to smile on a sunny Saturday afternoon! I am late to the party, but glad I had time to stop a bit here and enjoy all the great things you've collected for us, you are a master at this! :-)

Jemma said...

This is such a fun place to be, thank you for the laughs and smiles-love the "gated community!"
Warm Hugs,

Annesphamily said...

I worked with a gal who loved those guys living in gated communities! LOL! She really did! One was on death row in Florida! Uh...pretty sure marriage is not in his future! Yikes!

The Boston Lady said...

Lots of smiles Sandie! Thanks! Ann

Tweedles -- that's me said...

Coming by to visit and say hi.
And thank you for all the love you share with us,

Catherine said...

Dear Sandie, This has been a hectic week and you always make me smile!!
I just love the picture of the little bulldog, soooo cute!
I love the "what my mother taught me"
I remember 99% of all those sayings!
You are the bestest.
Blessings and hugs, Catherine xo

Cheryl @ TFD said...

I felt sorry for the poor pup! I'll bet I've said every thing on your list at one time or another when my kids were growing up! Haha! And I'm sure they were said to me, too. Enjoy your Sunday!

Self Sagacity said...

Fridays are pretty awesome, but the days go by too fast anyways.

Jim said...

Hi Sandy ~~ I think we all regret not doing some things we would have liked to have done.

Your joke, 'Peg, what's for dinner?,' is a funny one. But I always fault the doctor. Why didn't he tell the guy he had a hearing problem?

And you cats are nice. I didn't do one this week again.

Love Of Quilts said...

Yea my mom taught me most of those.

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

HI Sandie .. no cookies! Bliss!! Honestly what a lot of crazy thoughts here ...

Cheers and enjoy your week ahead .. Hilary

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

I like the fleas cartoon

(Terry) My Journey With Candida said...

Hope you had a great weekend. Can't believe it is almost over already.

Lucy said...

Sandie, I must remember to call you that. Sometimes I need to remember not everyone takes a joke as it is meant, and it was not even a good joke. Things seem ok now. Love all of the jokes. Helps this old lady keep going.

A Quiet Corner said...

Oh, Sandie, how I NEEDED these! They made me smile and laugh out loud...something I haven't done in a month! Thank you for the kind words about my Sister,,,hugs!...:)JP

SweetMarie said...

Love the fleas! Feel bad for the little chihuahua.:(
Love your lift and laugh!
I'm running behind!!!! lol

Ginger Knox said...

Love the things Mama taught me! I too, felt sorry for the little dog. It was obvious the dog was NOT enjoying that costume. In fact I think he was embarrassed!
The wrinkly puppy was so adorable, don't you just love "puppy breath".

Starry Dawn said...

Hi Sandie, sweet dear friend,
I love the video of the Chihuahua.
He looks so cute. I love dogs!
We have adopted a new kitten.
We call her, "Baylee."
She sleeps in my bedroom, and
keep me company all the time.
Our older cats are a bit upset.
It's wise what you say about mother's teachings.
Your wisdom talks like mom.
I truly enjoy visiting your
most amazing blog, my friend.
How long have you been living
in Atlanta, Georgia? I wonder.
It looks like you have lived
there for over a decade or so.
It must be so beautiful there...
Since you share so many good laughs, I guess you are always
in a good mood.
Thank you for sharing your love
and wisdom with the world!
I make plans to remain busy
with my dear animals.
I also make plans to adopt more.
I just can't live without
their love and caring ways.
Have a blessed time, Sandie
with those you love!
Thank you for joining me as
a friend in Facebook!
God may always bless you, dear!
Warm Hugs,

Andrea said...

Sandie, you're the best!! *lol* I hope your weekend was as great as this post was!!

Love ya~ Andrea

Anonymous said...

My smile is smile wide :) thanks Sandie.

Debbie said...

I loved the one about the man who thought his wife was losing her hearing the best. That was so funny.

Beth @ E. lizard Breath Speaks said...

i missed you ... ha. ha!! i can read these even if it is not Friday, right??! i think so.

have a great week. ( :