"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Monday, October 09, 2017

The Grandson

The grandson♥

First day of kindergarten. 

First day of 5th grade - ending grammar school.

First day of 6th - middle school - Christian school.

First day of 8th grade last day of middle school.

First day of high school - a different private Christian school.

First day of 10th grade.

First day of 11th grade - this year.

His mother gave him her 2008 CRV on his 16th birthday.

First day as a senior and first day of his last year of high school.

"Picture (and the best is) Yet To Come."

No part of life is easy.  
You are born.
You have so much to learn.
So much growing to do.
And a lot in between.
Then we age.    
The grand kids come. 
I have two boys - one is 16 and one is 6.  

I get to see my 6 year old grandson about once a year.  I would love to see him more, but it hasn't worked out that way as his parents are both busy doctors in Ohio.  I do make it a point to write him and send him little things in the mail.  I send him pictures and songs over the internet.   My son Skype's with us on the weekend and I am so grateful for that.

The 16 year old has been with us since he was born.  A long story, but we felt we were doing the right and good thing at the time.  I'm not sure it turned out that way exactly sixteen years later, lol, but I hope so.
The daughter was married, but the man turned out to have some huge problems she had not known about and it reared it's ugly head as soon as grandson was born.

It has been a long and winding road.  It has been full of joy mixed with a lot of hard work  When he was little I took care of him all day long - every day of his life - until his mother got home - don't get me wrong she's been a great mom, but I did get the joy of being with him. 

I loved it.  I loved him. 
It was a privilege. 

I gave all my kids my heart - lock, stock, and barrel. I think the more you love, the closer you are, the harder it is to let go.  Yet it is because of love that you have to let go and let them have a chance at their own life.

If there is one thing I have learned through the years is that you have to let go.    They are not yours.

The letting go phase for my grandson and I admit it is throwing me for a bit of a loop. I knew it would happen yet I always hoped it wouldn't.

I know he HAS to do it.  I know I HAVE to go through it.

We used to be good buddies and had the best of times.  We did everything together.  He even used to listen to me back then.  

NOT NOW!  At times I seriously don't feel he even likes me. I have become very stupid - he knows everything, I know nothing.   I guess it is a necessary stage for some teens.  

I think they have to do this to push away - so when it is time to leave - the parents/grandparents will be more than ready to let them go and push them out the door.

No, not everyone experiences this stage - but we are here.

Now is the time to trust God to take care of him. As all three of us here have more than got him ready!! 
Way tooooooooooooooooooooooooo much according to him.  He can't wait to leave!!! I guess I was that way too if I were honest.  My own kids too.

He goes to school full time.  He's driving - he works.  He's planning for college.  He loves his friends.  He's extremely outgoing.  If he doesn't see his friends often - his gets withdrawal symptoms.  I have to say he has always loved school - especially for the social scene - he does good in school - but he works for it.

So where does that leave me?  With more growing up and letting go to do myself.  I have gotten really involved with the church and church groups.  I think it is a win win situation as it helps the church and it keeps me busy and out of trouble. 

I have been blogging since 2005 - when he was four.  He started school - I couldn't work because I had to take him to school and pick him up, run him around to his activities, and watch him until his mom got home. That is why I started blogging.  

Now he's pretty self sufficient which is a great and wonderful thing.  

I love this guy so much. I just hope and pray we become buddies again some day!

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."
Proverbs 22:6

God kept His word with the first two and I am counting on his promise for this one.  

You really are a wonderful, wonderful young man.  
I am very proud of you.

I love you,

If this is someone's photo and you want credit or it removed please let me know.

Maybe someday we can meet here and get some coffee - wouldn't that be wonderful?


Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

Raising a child is so very difficult, especially in today's times. The three of you have done well. Your grandson is just acting like most young men have since the beginning of time. I remember when my son was that age and all the worry I had about him as he slowly distanced himself from us. However, that is natural, and once he physically moved away to college, we all grew closer and were more appreciated.. Letting go is hard, but it is a gift we must give them as they move on to establish themselves in life. I am sure you raised a man that you will continue to be very proud.

NanaDiana said...

What a poignant, heartfelt post, Sandie. He is a handsome kid and at that age they are all about themselves. The good thing is that once they get past the teenage years/the break-away years--they come back to you and love you as they once did. I have seen this happen over and over again with my own kids. Some of grands are going through the 'withdrawal' stage, too. It is normal and to be expected. God's way of preparing us for them moving out of our care and into their own lives, I think.

God bless you-you just keep doing what you are doing and be the strong role model you have always been. Your "boy" will come back to you--but he will come back as a young man.

Love to you- Diana

Sandra said...

I really enjoyed watching him grow from 1st grade to 12th grade, he sure is handsome and you did a great job. he is supposed to act like this, all kids do so he is normal.... I can't believe how quickly all this happened since I first met you in blog land...

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Sandy - you've done wonders for him and coped with loads of stuff ... yet it is time to give him his head, but remind him you're there when he needs you ... he'll appreciate you hugely ... take care and good luck = cheers Hilary

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

I've been reading your blog for quite awhile and it's been nice to see your grandson grow. Family is very important to me and it is nice to know about other families too. It helps to relate to others experiences. We may not have all the same ones but I can certainly agree on how important our grand children are to us. Very nice post today! Thanks for sharing !

LL Cool Joe said...

What a lovely post and I remember seeing the photos of your grandson growing up.

You may have lost him for the moment as he finds his independence, but he'll be back, and I guarantee he'll never forget the way you were always there for him. Trust me you'll always have a special place in his heart even of he doesn't realise it at the moment.

Cheri said...

It is hard to let go for sure. As you know I have been an empty nester since we moved to GA 11 years ago and I am still finding that hard since my kids were my everything. He is a fine looking young man and I am sure that all you have done will make his future that much better. Good job grandma.

Terri D said...

Well, we got to meet you all, including Andy, a few years ago and I can say (from that meeting) that he is an amazing young man who makes you proud. You did the right thing and continue to help form his foundation. It was fun seeing all the photos! Love & hugs!

Linda @ A La Carte said...

This is that breaking away stage and so hard. He will always love you and as he gets older will become your buddy again. Hugs!

Granny Annie said...

What a joy it has been to watch this boy grow into such a handsome young man. We all know how proud you are.

betty said...

He's grown up in front of our eyes on your blog :) He's a fine young man and he will do fine! You three prepared him for life and prepared him well for it. Its good too that you recognized you needed to get involved with something and that you chose to help out at church and be parts of groups, etc. He knows he'll always have the three of you looking after him and of course he will always love you! Job well done!


Ginny Hartzler said...

It is so good to see him now. I remember him from when he was 4. And now he is all grown, and such a handsome man!! Once a child becomes a teenager, he knows it ALL, and we are stupid. This is so common. It is in preparation for letting go. They like to hang out with their friends more, because this will soon be their new life. But as he gets older and older, he will return. This is just the painful process of getting his wings. You have done your best, and him wanting to fly is a good thing!!

barbara woods said...

it's hard !

Betsy Adams said...

I've enjoyed your bumpy ride for many years ---and watched that young man grow up... I know how much you love him ---and I also know how hard it is to let him go.... I know that you have tried to get his Mom to move on --which meant that he would leave also... I remember when you tried to sell your home.... Life wasn't always easy ---but to tell you the truth, ALL of us go through family stuff at one time or another.... We just do the best we can and then move on. You will be fine --and that young man (as he grows up) will come back and appreciate his grandmother even more for all that you did for him.. Just let him go but keep praying for him as he continues to spread his wings in this crazy, cruel world we live in now..... HUGS to you and God's Blessings on you.


Susan said...

Awwwww, you are a wonderful Grammie, Sandie. Iknow how hard it must be to let go. Oh boy. That's heart-wrenching. But you know you have given your very, very best and your little birdie must fly from the nest soon. God bless you and Andy and all of your sweet family. HUGS.Susan

Jill said...

He has grown up into quite a handsome young man! Do not worry. Most teens I have known in my life have gone through this stage. It will pass. I promise. He is lucky to have had you in his life and he will become a real person again one day and realize how lucky he is to have you!

Saleslady371 said...

Hi, Sandie!
This is a beautiful story of loved poured out through the years. Your grandson sounds like a great guy, no surprise with a mom and grandparents who filled up his love tank to the full each and every day. I detect the best is yet to come. He may be eager to leave the nest now but oh, those days ahead as he makes solid decisions will come and I bet you will be an important part of it all.


what a sweet tribute to your grandson.

jack69 said...

You know, I was actually privileged to see many of those first days on your blog. Yep the dude has grown up.
Yep, teens can be a pain in the behind and you still love them to death. I had the greatest parents in the world and at 16 I was ready to leave.

I remember Sherry telling our little grand daughter you will out-grow us Reece, NO I won't Grandma, but of course she did.

Love you, feel for you, even understand. (I KNOW you must have been the best for the dude, and YEP he will return!)

Say What? said...

Oh my goodness. I read this with tears because I am right there with you with my youngest. He suddenly knows it all. My fun, full-of-life, life-to-make-me-laugh little boy just disappeared. We argue all the time now. We were so close and now he never wants to even go to lunch with me (even when I'm paying!). It is breaking my heart. He will be 18 in less than 2 months and is already talking about leaving.

Through this, I have really gotten close to God (as I cry out to him continuously) and I keep feeling Him say, "This is not about you and him. This is about ME and him". I have to let go and let God have him. It's so hard. Fear holds me back. And I know I am not to live in fear. (And really, he was always God's. Not mine) I just can't find my contentment though all of this. It's like I see a train heading for him and I can't get him off the track.

I am encouraged, however, by my oldest. He moved out this summer and we also had hard times with him a few years back. Now, he calls me, text me, and comes over pretty often. I have real, meaningful conversations with him now that he would not have listened to when he lived under our roof. I've even heard an "I appreciate all you did for me, mom. I know I made it hard on you."

I'm praying that my boy and your boy will both come back to us and that God keeps a hedge of protection over them as they try to find their way. Prayers for you, friend.

He sure has me wishing I could call my mother and apologize for being a turd to her when I was 17 ;)

Annie Jeffries said...

Our children, and by extension sometimes, our grands, growing up, is always bittersweet. It sounds to me like he is on a normal and good road. And, you are doing just the right thing for yourself.

Paula said...

Oh my I'm late here and I think everything has been said so I won't bore you farther. I'm sure you did a wonderful and helpful job to your daughter in helping out with your grandson. I have four grandchildren but they are all so busy now I hardly see them. I try to just understand their husbands and wives come first now.

Nonnie said...

You will, you will, you will. Bless your heart, Sandie. He loves you. It's just part of growing up and I can tell by reading all this from your heart that you know that. It is a day I am not looking forward to. Our grandkids haven't lived with us, but have spent a lot of time with them and now as they get older and their world gets larger, my heart is stung when I see them prefer to be with their friends. I know they love us, but they have a life, just as I do. You are right to find other things and people to be involved with. You need it. God bless you. I didn't know a lot of this about you. I remember the pain I caused my parents when I wanted my independence. How I wish I hadn't, but they loved me through it.

And I'm wondering too. How old is Disco?
Your boy will come back. Love, Connie

Lynn said...

I found that age to be difficult with all my nieces and then when sometime around 20 years old or so, they become your friend again. I smiled at them and waited and it happened (every time.)

Of course, we didn't live in the same home, so that it different. But their mothers said the same thing.

Starry Dawn said...

Hello My Dear Friend, I miss you!! What a heartfelt post, Sandie!!...
I have walked with you throughout these years in Blogland, read your most inspirational posts, wonderful comments of your beloved friends, amazing family photos that you have shared with us, your dog Disco, and the big star, the reason of your heartfelt blog, "your handsome grandson."
I'll write my little share -after reading this important post about the story of your grandson growing up, and after reading the comments from your amazing friends. I think you got a heart of gold, Sandie. You give it all what you've got, and don't expect anything in return. Do you? Life is very hard. We are just temporary travelers in the journey of life. You have done your very best to cooperate with the upbringing of your grandson. You are also a fabulous mother & grandmother. I know it's so very hard to let go, to look at the emptiness after they leave the nest. Watch ourselves after they leave -as empty nesters, it is heartwrenching, our hearts bleed continuously, if we let it happen. I think it's part of life that our children go, and grow into their own lives that they wish to live, and build their own future afterwards. We don't own our children. They won't stay with us forever. Our grandchildren will also leave their parents one day. We'll watch them grow, hopefully, they will become better persons with a great future ahead. You did your best, so expect the best to come in return. You are a blessed mother & grandmother, you are also a Child of God. God is smiling at you, my friend, maybe whispering in your ears..."Your job is well done, mom, grandmom, now it's about time to think in yourself -after all these years you have given to your loved ones... They will come back to you one day, with their own children, your great-grandchildren..." I assume it's about time for you to find something worthwhile to do -in order to fill up the empty hours in your life. I think most teens behave in the same way, and care for themselves in a selfish way. Perhaps, we should look back, and think how we were at the times we were teenagers. Telling you the truth, I feel guilty and bad with myself -when I look back in time. I left my mom who needed me the most, because my dad was not there at home, and I acted in a selfish way. I -not only left my dear mom's home, but also left my country of birth, and settled down in New York, so far away from both of my parents. I was in my early 20's. I was the first person in my family to plant one seed in New York. My seed became a harvest with 3 more flowers. I guess I should not complain when I see my daughter and my grandchildren behave so selfishly. Was I in the same way or not at their age? I wonder... My mom dwells in Heaven. She parted way too young at 60. Her life was stolen -due to medical malpractice. I should have always stayed with her, and never left her home. I truly regret to have done so badly, to betray my dear mom. So, I would not do it again, if I had the chance to re-build my own life. Well, that is all for now, my friend. I think you are one of the greatest mom & grandmom in the whole world. You should feel like a real winner after all. You are so blessed and gifted -as a wonderful Child of God. God's many blessings on your way, Sandie. I pray you write to me again. We've been ill.

Betty said...

I guess he's at the age where three parents are three parents too many. I think that's very normal...don't you? I remember a lot of those first day of school pictures. Time flies when you're having fun!

Carol Z said...

I love seeing your beautiful grandson grown up and doing so well. What a blessing! These are the years where we learn to stand on our own two feet, and how well he's doing it. My goddaughter was in college and graduate school near me for about ten years and what a joy that was. Time for a movie or a quick dinner in the neighborhood. Now she's hundreds of miles away doing so well in her career and life, and I so miss the time she was just a mile away. Grateful for the time she was a mile away.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Great post Sandie. Nice to see you here! I wish you could see your six year old grandson more often, that would be nice. Of course your grandson who lives with you has changed so much over the years. He is very handsome and I hope he has a wonderful school year!!

A Joyful Chaos said...

They grow up so fast, but what joy when you see what fine young people they have become!