Fun Friday with a little help with my friends. May 10, 2013

Happy Mother's Day this weekend!!!

	Sandra Kay just sent warm thoughts your way.

THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER GIVE UP!

A man had two of the best tickets for the Augusta Masters...

As he sat down, another man came along and asked if anyone was sitting in the seat next to him..

"No", he said, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a
seat like this, the biggest golfing event of the whole world, and not use it?"

He said, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to
come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Masters we haven't been together since we got married."

"Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find
someone else?.. a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shook his head...

...."No. They're all at the funeral."
Thank you Debby at Just Breathe



Here's an entertaining three minutes from the students of Purdue University .

I hope these kids got an "A" for this project! I wonder if we'll see this on TV soon ....maybe during the next Super Bowl?

A Coke ad.

Can you imagine any other country in the world having a company with the imagination to produce something like this--and the amateur talent-Purdue University 's Mechanical Engineering students--to pull it off?

The result--a Coke ad--three minutes of pure entertainment!!!

Tuition money well spent !!!

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEBJmZL8G1E>

Thank you Susan at Writing Straight From The Heart





GRANDMAS ARE SMART

I was out walking with my grandson. He
picked up something from the ground and started to put it in his mouth.
I took the item away from him and I asked him not to do that.

"Why?" my grandson asked.

I replied, "because it's been on the
ground and you don't know where it's been. It's dirty and probably
has germs, and sometimes germs make little boys sick and not feel
good."

At this point, my grandson looked at me
with total admiration and asked, "Grandma, how do you know all this
stuff?? You are so smart."

I was thinking quickly and said to him,
"All Grandmas know stuff. It's on the Grandma Test. You have
to know it, or they don't let you be a Grandma."

We walked along in silence for two or
three minutes; he was evidently pondering this new information.
"Oh...I get it! He beamed, so if you don't pass the test you have to be the
Grandpa."

"Exactly," I replied with a big smile on my face. 
 Thanks Jeannie




  Priests Retirement Dinner.

  A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:
'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled.
But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.'

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:

'I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.'

Moral: Never, Never, Never Be Late
Thanks Sharon

 

Thank you Joey at Joey's Pad


 

Thank you Calamity Jane



THE LAUGH:

THE LIFT:

Fun Friday - with a little help from my friends!!!

Want to adopt a dog? (Linda B.)



My daughter and I were out and about - had my camera - this is a girl car with a great attitude. See the eye lashes?


A woman was leaving a 7-11 store with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a Pit Bull dog on a leash. Behind her were at least 200 women, walking single file.

The woman couldn't stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

The woman replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my husband."

"What happened to him?"

The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."

She inquired further, "Well who's in the second hearse?"

"His mistress. She tried to help my husband, then, the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

She replied, "Get in line."
Thank you Linda B.

The Psychiatrist & The Proctologist

Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.
Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors". The town council was livid and insisted they change it.

So, the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids". This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign. "Catatonics and High Colonics" - No go. Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives" - thumbs down again. Then came "Minds and Behinds" - still no good. Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes" - unacceptable again! So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts" - not a chance. "Nuts and Butts" - no way. "Freaks and Cheeks" - still no good. "Loons and Moons" - forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Specializing in Odds and Ends". Everyone loved it.

Thank you Sharon N.
Kind of funny - as I am having a colonoscopy today!



A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

'Mommy, the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied. 'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

'My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are. You are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. 'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly, 'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. Why?'

'Because you got an F in sex.'

Thanks Jerry and Ann


Subject: Neat Puzzle...

http://www.brl.ntt.co.jp/people/hara/fly.swf
Sharon N.
WHEN THE GUY ON THE SCREEN STOPS RUNNING, PLACE YOUR CURSOR ABOUT 1/2 INCH ABOVE HIS HEAD....... WEIRD....

http://www.selfcontrolfreak.com/pakken.html


Thank you Ann.

THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

“Happiness is a how, not a what; a talent, not an object. ”

Hermann Hesse

Fun Friday - with a little help from my friends!!!

The Bottle of Wine

Mary was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Mary tried – in vain – to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Mary.

“What in the bag?” asked the old woman.

Mary looked down at the brown bag and said “It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.”

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two, then, speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: “Good Trade.....”

Monica Changes in the Wind

REPORTER INTERVIEWING A 104 –YEAR OLD WOMAN:

“And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” the reporter asked.

She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”

Monica Changes in the Wind

Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty were vacationing in Europe near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.

Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance. Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"

"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in and I will get him!" Bob brings his wife in.

An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."

With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.

After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.


The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano.

For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music.. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!

Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.

He bursts in and shouts to his master:

"Master, Master! ..... The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

(I'm soooooo sorry...... But you really should've seen that one coming)

Deb at Just Breathe

Inner Peace: This is so true

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment ,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without a glass of wine,

if you can sleep without the aid of drugs,


...Then You Are Probably

...The family dog!!
Thank you Jerry...

This will drive you crazy! Keep at it 'cause it is possible.. This is one way to keep your mind sharp! Here is a little 'test' that is (supposedly) part of a second grade Computer class in China . Some figure it out right away. Others report having to work on it for a week (or more) to solve it. Have fun and don't forget to forward to your kids/grandchildren.

Click here: Frog Leap Test

Thought for the day:

"That woman speaks eight languages and can't say no in any of them." ~ Dorothy Parker

Fun Friday - with a little help from my friends!!!

Okay Jim was my winner yesterday - email me your address. I have to think harder for this - I have all women stuff - lol.

ENGLISH LESSON

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that's easy to understand.

Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.

I beg to differ because there is:

When you marry the right woman, you are "COMPLETE"!

And when you marry the wrong one, you are "FINISHED"!

And if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ...

"COMPLETELY FINISHED" !!

Thanks Jerry and Ann

Why, Why, Why

Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe, you believe them but, if they tell you there is wet paint, you have to touch it to check?

Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the first end you try?

How do those dead bugs get into enclosed light fixtures?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?

The statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends.

If they're OK, then it's you.

**A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine! And a day without sunshine is like night. **
Thanks Sharon N.

Here is how the puzzle works from yesterday:
http://askville.amazon.com/game-work-http-www-quizyourprofile-guessyournumber-swf/AnswerViewer.do?requestId=14695438

THIS IS SUPER FUNNY and just one minute long! You will love it.

Thanks Eva

Thoughts of the day - keep on dreaming . . .

No one should negotiate their dreams. Dreams must be free to fly high. No government, no legislature, has a right to limit your dreams. You should never agree to surrender your dreams. ”

Jesse Jackson

My niece took me out to lunch today and bought me this frog - nice and blingy!