For 2018

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Friday, April 04, 2008

If you're looking for fun Friday today you'll find that it's Friday, but it's anything but fun today - although I promise I will end with a positive spin. It's serious and long - so if you're not interested - just click out for today.

One way for me to handle problems is to write and I need to write/vent today. Writing will help me. Maybe one day I'll go back through all my Blogs and look at this one and see why 'it' happened and maybe I'll see it turned out to be a blessing in disguise (although sometimes you never see the blessing - you have to trust). Maybe someday my grandson will read my Blog and see 'it' as a 'lesson' of things not to do in life. Maybe he'll see how one person in a family can hurt everyone else by the ripple effect. Ripple effects can be positive and negative.

"Service is the rent you pay for room on this planet." -Shirley Chisholm
Today and the next few days or weeks or months I'll be helping to pay service to the planet.

First of all my brother died 11 years ago today. This is sad enough, but now his son is in trouble.

I received this from his sister/my niece today. It's something I don't want to lose in this mess.

"I know it meant a lot to ---- that you went to see him. And (---- my daughter went) too. My heart is breaking for him. All I can think is I hope this is a blessing in disguise for him, and that he will see the light and start going down the right path that he was always meant to follow. And maybe he will finally realize that his so called friends are really not his friends and that his family knows best and is here for him and loves him unconditionally. His so called friends bring him down and cause havoc in his life. The only time his friends came through for him and truly acted like friends was when he was in the coma. They got up the money to repair his truck for him, but other then that they are poison and cancer in his life. I sound hateful, and I am trying not to be. All I can do is pray that he receives the strength and faith to get through this. And becomes a better man.

Thanks for everything I truly appreciate everything. You always are here for me and you go above and beyond for me. I will always treasure your love and family devotion for me. Words can't describe how much you mean to me. I love you and always will.
Love, (my niece)"

So you see it's hurting his sister, his mother, us, and . . . the ripple effect.

My nephew, is now in jail for drugs. I don't know what the charge is exactly yet. This is his 3rd time arrested for drugs. I love both my brothers kids - as if they were my own. I've stayed close as to try to be there to stand in for my brother. So this is a tough one for me.

The problem is this. His bond is high. If he went to a bondsman and ran - they would put a bounty hunter after him. If you put a lean on your house, you could lose that part of your equity or your house. Or you could pay 10 to 15% and he could get out. However, I did that last time - he promised to pay me back, he paid half back, and I never saw the other half.

Actually, that really isn't the biggest problem here. The biggest problem here is what's best to do for him. And what the consequences will be for me and for him - depending on what I do or don't do.

If I don't pay and the family knows I can (they can't) they might be mad at me. My nephew for sure and maybe my sister-in-law. I think my niece would be sad, but not mad, but I'm not even sure with her.

Okay, if I get him out - since this is his third time - would that be teaching him anything? Is he going to learn more in jail than out of jail? And if he is on drugs and he was on them before - would it be better to be in jail or out of jail? I'm like a fish out of water about drugs. I know nothing. I didn't even think to ask what drug he was arrested for about 5 years ago. I assumed it was for marijuana. He just finished his fines for that arrest. My sister-in-law let it slip yesterday that he was in trouble for drugs that time before. And that the stroke, he suffered one at age 30, two years ago, was from the drug. I was never told that before and that kind of makes me mad.

In a way, I hate having the power of this decision, in another way, maybe I need to be the one with the power to say no. I do pray for God's guidance here. Tough love.

It's funny, but look what I just received today as an email:

"Troubles are a blessing that force you to change, to believe." ~ Maya Angelou

I know this is true and I hope my nephew learns this one day.

Visiting him in jail was terrible. He cried. He wants out. He looked so sad, it broke my heart. He's in an orange suit. They stay in it 24/7. They are given sandals - no socks. I put money in his account to help him get some things he needs - like socks - but the store is closed until Tuesday and you can bring nothing to him.

His foot has an infection on the bottom of it - I wonder if it was caused by drugs - as I've since looked it up and see it can cause skin problems. He was supposed to see the doctor last night.

My daughter and I went to the jail at 5 last night, stood in line until they opened the visitation sign up at 6. We got to the desk at 6:30 and was given a 9 pm slot and we were one of the last to get in. We went home and came back. There are 65 inmates to a pod and only 4 are allowed visitation per hour. There are only 6 hours of visitations - meaning only 24 men get to visitation a day. Your one too late - you can't get in. All that wait is for nothing. And we talked between glass on phones. God it was so hard.

So I must get going today, with a heavy heart. So what can I think about or how do I turn this into a positive?

1. They got him before drugs killed him.
2. They got him before he accidentally hurt anyone else - like driving and hitting someone.
3. It's brought the families closer together again.
4. It might give him a chance to redeem himself. Help him detox.
5. God is good, all the time, all the time, God is good. You have to wait, pray, and trust!

That's all I can come up with at the moment.


Changes in the wind said...

Chatty, I understand your situation better than you might think only my situation isn't a nephew, it is my grandson.
This is the decision that I have decided is right for me...Although my grandson is only 17 years old HE is making designs and HE will need to make some wiser ones to change his situation. It is all about him, not me, not our family. HIM and his actions, thoughts, plans and etc. Ours has not changed for him, we have always wanted the best for him.
My faith is in God and only God...right now I wouldn't trust my grandson any further than I can pick him up and throw him and I will respond accordingly until such time that he shows me differently.

old sew n sew said...

Your post frightened me. My mother is dead, murdered by a young man she had tried to help. She didn't understand the power of drugs. At some point, some way, somehow, your nephew will probably be released. Get yourself drug educated.
Start with the internet, learn the effects of different drugs and signs that someone is using. Try to talk to people who work with addicts. You sound like a good person, please be aware that the road you and your family are on is a dangerous one.