For 2018

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Love-Jennifer Nettles

I love Jennifer Nettles. Did you know she's from Atlanta? I think she's a woman who gets life.

Of course I'm thinking about love these days with my daughter's upcoming wedding. The little bickering and little problems seem to be coming out now. Remember the stress of planning a wedding? Sometimes you wonder if you should have just run off and eloped!

I'm thinking about young love and the wonderment of it. Will it last for them? (I hope and pray so). What can they do from the very beginning to ensure love will last? Sometimes I feel couples should spend a year in therapy before they get married - a requirement for getting the license.

Marriage isn't for sissies.

It's hard work. Compromise. Giving 110%. Giving in when you don't feel like it.

Do people think when they get married that the work is over once the wooing is over? That they can slide? That it's not necessary to woo anymore? That the courtship is over and they don't have to work anymore? That the flirting is over and the dating. That the romance is over. In other words - once you get married(you've reached the goal) that you're done with the hard work and you can just stop trying?

Jokes on them - it's only truly just begun and if you're aren't man or woman enough to keep on working - don't bother getting married because you won't be married for long - at least not happily. Marriage is work and yes it has it's benefits and great rewards - you just have to decide if it's worth the work.

When is a marriage not a good thing? What if one person tends to be the giver and the other person the taker? How long can that keep up in a relationship?

I remember in the movie 'Wedding Wars'. A cute, girlie, romantic movie - but with a message. One girl was marrying a man who loved her (her essence) - just the way she was - flaws and all. He could accept her and her antics and it endeared her to him. The other girl was marrying someone who didn't like who she had become - he wanted her to change back to the girl she used to be.

Now the problem was that this girl was a door mat for others. The 'nice' girl. The girl who gave up what she wanted so others could have what they wanted. Then one day she got frustrated and snap - she started to change - she started to find and take care of herself. Well, her fiance was mad at her for changing - he wanted the girl he fell in love with ten years ago. He wanted to control his wife to be. He wanted her to promise to go back to the way she was. But alas she could not, would not. It was more painful to stay like she was than to change. One ended up married and one didn't. I guess the other girl found she had to be more giving, but the changed was not nearly so drastic as the other one.

People change! How in the world does a marriage survive change? What if one person changes and not the other? The result would be that of a marriage of 'fighting or caving' (giving up who you are)? Is that love? Was it wrong for this girl to find herself and change? Should a person not change? That wouldn't be loving towards yourself.

Love requires not only darn hard work - it requires an open heart and mind - an open soul. You hold, but not too tight. You let go, but not too far.

Love is good, and love is hard.

Hear her song below - so what is love anyway?


^..^ Corgi Dog Mama said...

Giving up our sense of self is what happens to so many of us, just to keep the peace.
When is it time to let go of a marriage that still has love, but not a healthy love?
There are so many levels and types of love...from caring, to full passion, I can't live without you love. Maintenance love, the everyday get through life together kind with no soaring. Is that enough? So many of us let go of the dream, and let things simmer without stirring the pot. Why is it so hard for us to remember to do what you wrote about...keep the relationship going by keeping the dating/wooing mentality forever?
why, why, why?

Chatty Crone said...

That's the 64K dollar question. And some do keep that flame a glowing. What did they do that others didn't?