For 2018

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Monday, March 23, 2009

If I Had My Life To Live Over

(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have! sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's' More 'I'm sorry's.'
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it . Live it and never give it back.
This is gone around and gone around many times - but it's worth rereading and studying.
I read/saw a video about something in a Blog from Personal Development for the Book Smart:

It had some interesting things on self improvement. Talked about if you 'see' two things - one might have the illusion of being bigger, but it is not. It's in your mind - you preconceived it and therefore you believe it to be true.

He suggests reversing the cards. To make the 'good' thing bigger than the bad thing in your mind. Kind of interesting.

Anyway, and this is for myself as well - don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. If someone cares or they don't. . .

Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us. And you know for me at least, I have to learn to love myself at times and that be enough.


We either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount of work is the same.-Carlos Castaneda

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