For 2018

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Friday, May 27, 2011

Fun Friday with a little help from my friends . . .

Why Do I Like Retirement !!!

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal .

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

And, my very favorite....
QUESTION: What do you do all week?

Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.

From Linda:

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.
2. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
3. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
4. Sing Along At The Opera.
5. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend
Their Party Because You have a headache.
6. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot,
Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
7. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy,
We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

Enjoy The Ride, Life is Short!!

Things Got Ya Down? Well Then, Consider This . . .

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the super natural.

No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.

Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson , the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day?

A blonde was weed-whacking her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat, who was hiding in the grass.

She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to WAL-MART!



WALMART is the largest re-tailer in the world!!!

How many deer do you see?

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues
.-Abraham Lincoln

It was 2 deer in the picture about and I got a new follower and I can't see who it is - welcome!x_05012ff


Susan said...

Awwwwww, adorable post, Sandie. Got quite a few chuckles, which is good, first thing in the morning. Have a great day! Susan

Thisisme. said...

Brilliant little Chatty! Love the retirement ones and they are so true. Isn't it great?! Work was very much over-rated as far as I'm concerned. Have a super weekend dear friend.

ain't for city gals said...

lots of very important info here ! favorite motto is "How beautiful to do nothing and then rest afterwards" is good...

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

Nice collection of Friday funnies Sandie.

Tins and Treasures said...

Good Morning, Sandie,
I enjoyed the bit about retirement...I can't wait!

Have a fabulous Friday and wonderful holiday weekend.

Take care ~Natalie

Betty (picture circa 1951) said...

Thank you for a good laugh this morning.

Pat MacKenzie said...

I identify with so many of the retiree statements. I have to make a point to tell myself what day it is every morning so I don't lose track of the weeks.

The last item on the sanity teasers is too close to home to be funny for my husband. His mother was a sweet woman, just not too bright. She used to always tell her kids that she'd have to take them to 'the home' because she couldn't afford to take care of them. It explains some of his insecurities today.

And I saw two deer in the lovely picture. Did I miss any?

Jeanie said...

I think I will like retirement for all the reasons you listed.....if I ever get there. Right now, I am off to work. Sigh!

Remington said...

You make my day! Thank you for the smile!

Kimberly Krey said...

Okay, two posts in one week that I have to print out! I was laughing so hard at that retirement post, and I know my father-in-law will love it too!

EvaMarie Sa said...

I love this post, the retirement ones are brilliant...I know now what to look forward to (tehee). Ummm...I see two deer (me thinks).

Have a lovely weekend with your Son and his family. Safe drive :-)

Michaele said...

This really lightened up my Friday! I took the day off and all it has done is rain. I only saw two deer and everything else on this post is soooo true, which makes it so funny!

Flora said...

Love the retirement comments... !! Have a great weekend!

Victor S E Moubarak said...

Just visiting to say "Hello".

God bless.

Sandra said...

i agree with every single one of the questions and answers on liking retirement except for ONE
why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.(I tell the truth and say i don't miss the work or the people) and I don't.

Linda O'Connell said...

Always a chuckle at your blog, thanks.

Beansieleigh said...

Loved the "maintaining your insanity" suggestion list! So FUNNY, I may have to print them, and hang them on the fridge!.. Loved the deer picture too! ~tina

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Cute ones, Sandie.... I always love reading your Friday Fun blog post.... Loved the one about Pookie Johnson... ha ha

Thanks for all.

Ginny said...

I got the deer picture!! Love the retiree thing and I copied it!!!

flowers on my table said...

Love the little lady at the top of your post drinking her tea and shaking her foot. It must be lovely to be a retiree! Thanks for visiting and leaving comments. Have a wonderful rest this weekend! Love Linda x

Donna B said...

LOVE IT!! Always look forward to Fridays with you...I saw two deer... try deleting your followers and then adding the follower gadget again....worked for me...

Ann said...

I've already been dreaming about the day I get to retire and after reading all that I want it even more :)

Karen Lange said...

I needed a good chuckle, thanks so much! Have a wonderful weekend! :)

That corgi :) said...

too funny about the joke at the hospital; I sure didn't see that punch line coming!! I saw two deer and then I thought "this is too easy, I must have missed some" so I'm glad I saw what was supposed to be there!! thanks for the funnies!


Angela said...

Those were great Sandie! I hadn't seen any of those before ever! Had me laughing out loud! Had to read the hospital one out loud. I seen 2 deer too!

Happy Fun Friday!
Thank God it's Friday!

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Love the retirement funnies! What a week huh?
hugs, Linda

Sharon said...

Where do I start?? SO MUCH FUN!

Question: How does a retiree get exercise?

Answer: Searching the house for misplaced stuff, stretching the dollar, wracking one's brain for lost memories, and getting up to pee at night.

Love the Healthy Insanity thoughts!! (Especially the marijuana one - why do I love being irreverent??)

The life support story - OUCH! Should have hired a woman aged 55 to 64. Rumor has it they don't clean much, and don't care!

Re-tailer? GROAN...

And I saw two deer - and then I looked over on the sidebar and saw one more DEAR - you!!

Awww... :)

Granny Annie said...

Yesterday this retiree decided to take a short nap at 3:00 PM. I woke up at 7:30 PM. Then I went to bed at 10:00 PM and was wide awake at 3:00 AM. It is going to take a while to get back on some kind of real schedule.

Melanie said...

Those were so funny, Sandie!
I really liked the hospital story. :)
I saw two deer.
Hope your weekend is wonderful!♥

House and Garden Boutique said...

Great post Sandie......hope you have a wonderful holiday weekend.....I will forever smile each time I stop at Walmart from now on! :> Lynn