Friday - with a little help from my friends....

Where are my keys - I must have left them in the car.
Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.

My wife has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.
My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.
Her theory is that the car will be stolen.
As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion.....her theory was right.
The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police.
I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keysin the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,”I stammered.
I always call her “honey” in times likethese. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard her voice. “Ken” she barked,“I dropped you off!”
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said,“Well, come and get me.”
Diane retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."



What are these?



Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember . Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?''Sure.''Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it..'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'
(This is so funny to me because it is the truth in our house - chatty)
Thanks Ann from The Boston Lady





PECANS IN THE CEMETERY......

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me...'

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!'

The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'

The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...

They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.

Thanks cousin Marlyn


10 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweatpants

and my favorite one:

10. Potential Murder Suspect

Thank you Sharon N.

How do they do this?

THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

"It takes a revolution to make a solution." ~ Bob Marley

Now an update on the bullying situation. GS came home from school today and said the boy was gone from his school and had moved to another school.
I am kind of shocked to say the least.
I didn't want to hurt or change his life.
I just wanted him to leave the GS alone.
I guess I won't ever know the whole story now.
I wish him luck.
But the school counselor did tell me this. Because the GS did not tell them they were playing a game at the time - she felt that he was a liar - and that being called gay in a game was not the same thing as being called a gay directly. This is from the public school system. My GS was brought into her room and admonished so much he was crying. So he is now the problem.
And people wonder why people don't go in and talk with the administration.
Frankly, they don't believe you. Well as far as I am concerned it is over and I am releasing this to God and continuing to pray for school number 3.