For 2017

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Saturday, April 24, 2010

My friend Sue . . . in loving memory . . .

Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today. - Mark Twain

Life is fragile. It can change in one second. Don't take people you love for granted.

My blog will be sad today - so you may not want to read it, but for me it is necessary.

In 1997 my brother died, my husband took a job where he traveled every week, my son moved to Cincinnati, and my daughter went away to college. I had never really been a lone before in my life. Now I would love some time, but back then I was lonely.

I felt lost.

I decided to pray for a good friend.

I went to church that night and started talking to Sue. Now I had known Sue for many years at church - our kids grew up together, but we were never 'friends'. Well, we made plans (God Wink) to go out to dinner on Wednesday night the next week. And we have been going out most Wednesday nights since - for 13 years.

Our kids were in each others weddings. We helped make things for each others daughter's wedding.

When my mom was sick and I had Andy as a baby - she would drive with me downtown where my mom lived - I'd clean and cook and ready things for my mom and she would watch Andy there. We even went the morning of 9-11! We did this twice a week.

She was such a good friend. She was good at always writing little notes - to me yes - but to everyone.

We had a couple of fights, but we made up.

She gave too much to other people and really didn't take that good of care of herself.

Her husband left her about 25 years for another woman. She finished school to become a nurse to be able to take care of her two children.

She told me that she and the kids sometimes loved on 5 pounds of hamburger meat a week.

She paid entirely for her kids weddings and spent years paying the charges.

She was quite independent - lived in her own little home. She had three years left to pay on it. Had a dog Sadie she loved. Had finished off paying her car.

She and I would talk every week and give each other the update of the kids and what was happening in our lives. What we wanted out of life and where our lives were going.

She'd pray for me and I'd pray for her - and we were prayer warriors for our children. If the kids knew the secrets we shared. We could tell each other anything. And when Sue said she'd pray - she'd pray.

She had two grand kids - that were the apple of her eye. All she ever wanted was for them to know her as grandma and love her.

Her mom is 89 and she took her all around to her doctor visits and bank and the grocery store.

When my mom was in the hospital dying - she was right there for me. Every single day. Even though she worked nights as a nurse. When my mom died - she was there.

On my 50th birthday my daughter was having a surprise party for me and Sue was the one who took me out to get away from the house.

She couldn't wait to retire. Three more years.

She was a two time cancer survivor.

The last couple of Wednesdays she canceled on me - told me she didn't feel too good - stomach trouble.

I brought her some taffy last week from Florida. She sent me a thank you note and I got it on Monday of this week - of course telling me what a great friend I was - how good I listened - and understood her. I truly hope she felt that way. I did love her.

She was my grandson's Godmother - she never ever forgot his birthday and to send him a card every holiday with a sticker or candy or something.

Well I talked to her on Monday and she did not feel well. I told her she had to go to the doctor. She went to the doctor on Tuesday - guess they gave her a steroid shot to help her breathing. On Wednesday her daughter called to tell me she was gone. Just like that. It was instant.

I was in shock. I am guessing she had a pulmonary embolism. It was quick. I'm glad for her. I know she is in Heaven. Doesn't do much for me right now though.

I do so want to say goodbye, talk to her one more time, tell her what happened.

My heart has a hole in it now.

I feel bad she never took as good a care of herself as she did others. That she worked and was never able to retire.

Her children decided to cremate her. I never heard her say that was what she wanted. I begged them to let me see her one more time - you know to say goodbye - to see her. To make sure it is true. They said no. I am extremely hurt by that. Am going to have to work on forgiveness and understanding on that one.

Her visitation (?) is tonight and her funeral tomorrow.

Well sorry to dump this on you, but it is my way of paying tribute to her and releasing and acknowledging my pain.

And life will go on - and the pain will get less. Time is a great healer. I know all that too.

We can never live in the past as if it were our true home. And it is a good thing that God draws this veil over the past even without our asking. In so doing, He allows us to live today for tomorrow with just the few memories we need of what was.
- Karl Barth

So I am waiting for the veil. . .



36 comments:

THE OLD GEEZER said...

Sandie,

I've lost many friends and relatives in my lifetime and it's never easy to deal with.
I pray that God will comfort you during your time of grief.

Ron

Marjorie (Molly) Smith said...

Sandie, I am so sorry for your lose. I will not say don't grieve, or don't cry, she is in a better place, I know that is what we are suppose to say.
I say cry and scream if you feel like it, laugh when you think of things remembered that you shared, hold to the precious memories and know that she was a true friend. Do what your heart tells you for you are the one who will know when the pain is better.
It is so easy for us to say how you should feel, but with a lose like this, no one knows the real pain like you.
Cherish her memory and don't be to hard on the children, you may never know their reasoning, but I'm sure it wasn't to hurt you or anyone..but I'm sure there was a reason.
Remember they are hurting too. Grief makes you do unusual things and act unusual ways.
I will keep you in my Prayers and her family too.
No matter what our plans are, God makes plans of his own that we sometimes don't understand.
Molly

Anonymous said...

I love you mom, and I loved Sue. She was amazing, and her love will live on. I agree with Marjorie - take the time to cry, mourn, and grieve. A part of you always will. She knew you loved her very much.

Melanie said...

That was a beautiful tribute to your friend.
She sounds like a wonderful person.
I pray God will be with you and comfort you during this sad time.

Thena said...

Death is hard for those that are left but it seems harder when it is unexpected.
Our Pastor talked on death this past Wednesday night and made the statement about not being able to tell someone bye. He was told to write them a letter, and I have been thinking about that. Because we weren't able to tell my youngest brother goodbye. He was in Puerto Rico alone and became ill and had already passed when we heard from the hospital.
So maybe writing a letter will help also in your grief.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, today and in the days ahead.

Helen said...

Dear Sandie,
I read every single word of your post this morning ~ it is a perfect tribute to a perfect woman. My thoughts and best wishes are with you today. This will take some time to work through .... stay strong.

Michelle said...

I am soooooo sorry sweetie! Take your time to grieve this loss of your dear friend. Vent, cry, do whatever you have to but surely do not hold it in. Sending you lots of (((hugs)))

Changes in the wind said...

This was a beautiful tribute for your special friend. I am sorry for your loss but envy the relationship you shared with her......I am sure it was a two way street and I hope only the good memories fill your heart and mind and you will be at peace.

Susan said...

Dear Sandie: My heart is so sad for you. Losing a dear friend is painful. I'm sure Sue will cheer for you and be there for you from the other realm of life.

Cherish your memories.

That was a very beautiful tribute. She sounded like a great lady and you touched each others' lives.

Remember to take care of YOU during these sad days. Warmly, Susan

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

I am so sorry for your loss. She was really family to you. And it is obvious that you were the same to her. You wrote a lovely tribute. When death is quick and a surprise, it is always so much harder for those who are left behind. Even though we know how to go through the grieving process by this time in our lives, it doesn't make it any easier. Our thoughts are with you.

DeanO said...

Sandie, I am saddened by your loss. All things are in God's hands as he knows best. I pray for the peace that passeth all understanding. God bless,

Linda said...

Sandie, I am so sorry for you loss and your pain. It will take time but you will hear God's voice guiding you. Know I love you and that my thoughts and prayers are with you. This was a wonderful tribute to your friend!

Tweedles -- that's me said...

Dearest Sandie
I am so sorry for this giant hole in your heart.
I am so sorry that your "special gift friend from God", has been taken from you.
Your tribute was beautiful, so touching and loving.
We will all hurt along with you as you go through this sad time.
The sad time also for her family.
From all that you said , we can tell that you were as special to her, as she was to you.
We will sit beside you at this sad time.
There are no answers to all the
"whys" we must ask.
We are so sad for you
love
tweedles and georgie

Bob West said...

I enjoyed your blog. Very insightful
Hope you will find blessings on mine
Jesus Lives, Bob West
http://westbob.blogspot.com/2010/04/line-upon-line.html

Angela said...

Oh Sandie, I'm so sorry for your loss of you best friend. I just can't imagine what you are going through right now. I too think it would be hard to not be able to see her one more time. She really sounded like she was a real true friend and those are hard to come by.

I pray that you will find some peace tonight as you go to her visitation. I've never known anyone to be creamated so I have no idea what the service will be like.

(((((HUGS)))))
Angela

^..^Corgidogmama said...

You wrote a loving tribute about your dear friend. She touched many lives it sounds...and always put herself last. WHy...do women tend to do this? You do need to grieve, you have lost someone near and dear to you. Thank you for sharing this woman with us, and your memories of her. In you, and others, she will live on.
I'm thinking that your verbal exchange on Monday was a gift to you both. Life is very unpredictable....We're all so, so sorry that you lost someone so close to you. She's at rest, out of pain and worry. The survivors are the ones that have it rough.
Comfort yourself now.
God bless!

Mollye said...

Oh Sandie, I am so sorry honey for your loss. After the shock of her death I think you will be able to focus more on celebrating her life and the specialness you two shared rather than her death. I keep you close to my heart and in my prayers during this difficult time. Love ya, Mollye

Cheri said...

Sandie,

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss, what a good friend you were to each other. There is nothing like a really good friend, so you cry, scream and do what you have to and in time I hope you can forgive her children. Maybe down the road you can have a talk with them about it.

Buttercup said...

Dear Sandie, There aren't a lot of words to write to make up for heartbreak. I wish I wasn't a thousand miles away, and could lend you a shoulder and give you a big hug. Know that I am thinking of you and sending those hugs and prayers to soothe your heart. Please don't worry for a minute that this isn't a cheerful post. More importantly it's a real post and your many blog friends are there for you. I'm sorry I didn't know Sue. But from your writings she sounds like a wonderful woman and how blessed the two of you were to share your lives.

That corgi :) said...

I am sooo sorry Sandie; Sue sounded like a wonderful woman and a Godly woman at that. What a lifetime of memories and friendship you had with her which I know you will treasure and think of often in the days to come. I'm sorry that her children didn't honor your request, I think it would have helped a bit to be able to say goodbye to her

hugs to you, Sandie...... I am sooooo sorry!!!

will keep you in my prayers

betty

Walking on Sunshine... said...

I am so sorry for your loss! Knowing she's in heaven is a comfort, but you still miss her! She seems like a wonderful person and a wonderful friend to you. I hope you are okay for the next days in saying good bye and visiting with all her family. I will be thinking and praying for you!!!

Jojo said...

Sandi,
I am so sorry to read that you have lost your dear sweet friend. May all the wonderful memories help fill the hole in your heart that you describe. You will be in my thoughts and prayers in the days and weeks to come.

ClassyChassy said...

What a heart-felt post, my friend. I've prayed for you, and hope you can remember the good times, re-living them often, and cherish the closeness you were able to share with her. It seems you were drawn together when you both needed a special friend, and what a great friendship it was.

Noni at The Brick Street Bungalow said...

Sandie, I am so very, very sorry for your loss. You wrote a beautiful tribute for your friend, Sue. Prayers for your comfort and peace.

Whosyergurl said...

Dear Sandie, Death is numbing. I lost my Grandma three years ago at Christmas. On the fifth of December. I could not believe the world kept turning and people went on with Christmas. I was in utter disbelief and wanted to scream "don't you know I have just lost the dearest person in my life?" But I didn't scream. And on the day of her funeral, all I remember is the love of friends and family. And she is still with me- just as your friend will be. Is. Words are never enough. Words cannot express what the heart feels. Just rest in the love of others and you will get through. Breath in and breath out until you don't have to think about breathing in and out.
HUG YOU, Cheryl

GWENDOLYN said...

My sincere sympathies to you... I can only imagine how heart broken you are to loose such a dear friend.
Gwen

Jojo said...

Just stopping back in to say that I'm thinking of you Sandie.

Barbara said...

Sandie,

So sorry I missed this yesterday and so sorry about your dear friend. It's always so hard when it's sudden and you don't have a chance to say goodbye. I'm going to a funeral this morning, too. Life. Death. It's hard to reconcile. But I guess, as you are, we have to be grateful for the time we share together. HUGS xoxox B

Knitty said...

As special as Sue was to you, I just know she felt the same way about you. That God Wink became a 13 year blessing. It is always too soon to lose a loved one, but the blessing never goes away.

Continue talking to Sue. Even though you won't hear her replies with your ears, your heart will know. Be gentle in your thoughts toward her children. Perhaps they acted on wishes she made known only to them. If that wasn't the case, their grief at her sudden demise may have clouded reasoning that would not have denied you under other circumstances.

Peace and good memories to you.

Terry said...

Howdy Sandie
I love you sweetie and you are in my prayers !
May you continue to share your precious wisdom learned by reaching out to your friend and by her reaching out to you .
The two of you have much to offer this world.
It will be hard to walk alone but you will do it and soon you will soar again on Eagles wings .
God bless you with comfort and fill the vast empty space you feel with many miracles of love ,peace,and joy.
I pray that you will see God do many new and wonderful things for you aand yours today and everyday to come .
When the mood strikes you please do tell us more about your dear friend .
Big hugs from Texas
Happy Trails

Dogmom Diva said...

Oh Sandie, I am soo sorry, to lose such a good friend at a young age..although its a good thing Sue did not suffer, its hard on those left behind. I hope her kids are just confused by grief, and I am sure you will work it through to forgive them. Hard to know how someone ill react in a time of grief..
take care and prayers for Sue..
xo
Barb

ocmist said...

I, too, am so sorry for you loss. I know that friends become parts of our hearts as well as our lives, and that is why we truly DO have "Broken Hearts" when one is torn from us in a move... either far away or through their homegoing before us.

The more we have loved them and shared our lives with them, the bigger the part of our heart that hurts when they are no longer near.

No one but God can know the actual pain you have, and no one can take it from you, but I will be praying that God shows you the way through this dark place, and that His light will warm and heal your broken heart through the memories of the love and laughter you both shared, and through the knowledge that you will meet again.

Each of us heals this kind of injury in a different way, and I pray that God leads you to the way that is easiest for you to travel. I wish I could hug you... I cry with you... Linda

P.S. I ask God to give messages to my Mom all the time...

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