For 2018

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Big and Rich-Lost In This Moment With You

Okay - so it's not Godzilla Bride -it's Bridezilla my girlfriend informed me (it's actually quite normal too she said - in fact when she stopped by she brought my daughter a book - a funny book about just that thing - see God just sends us answers out of the blue when you most need them) . . . so yes, I'm living with Bridezilla these days - and I love her dearly, but she is driving me nuts just a little bit. I'm breathing so much - I'm probably going to hyper-ventilate (Lol) .

So thoughts of weddings and love are being chiseled into my mind these days. I maybe Blogging to record and vent for awhile.

I wish I could chisel into her mind that the wedding is really just an one big event in her life right now, the important thing is the life together afterwards. I know this from experience and from observing life.

My daughter called me from the mall last night, crying that her fiance was having three best men - one of them - my grandson -two were going to be his brothers and the fourth man standing up is her brother - not a best man. "No one's ever heard of three best men, that's dumb, I'm upset and mad with him, I'm . . . . .

I listened and then I said to her, "Honey, it's only a wedding". But he .... "It'll be okay, it's only a wedding - it's a thing."

I knew it wasn't a life crisis and that in the long run, in the future, that the wedding would not be the important issue for the long haul. I had to be careful how I told her because of course the wedding is key to her now and her ears are closed. So is love blind or is being in love blind?

I suggested she call him and tell him whatever he wanted was okay. I had hoped this wedding would be a stress event (okay, I'm a dreamer) where everyone could be themselves and have fun - experience love (the important thing) would be brought out.

I'm from another planet I guess. Weddings, earthly things, big houses, nice cars - do nothing for me.

I'm reading a book called "The Bridge Across Forever" by Richard Bach. I'm not all the way through it yet - (and I am wondering about where the book will take me for an ending . . .), but
one of the quotes I've found that I like is this: "The opposite of loneliness, is not togetherness. It is intimacy." That really hit me. What is this thing called intimacy anyway? Is it something that could be real or is it a thing that is just in fiction books?

I've kind of been looking for something in my life that seems to be missing. I wonder if it's intimacy? I know that intimacy is not having people around - I have some one here almost 24/7 and even that being true at times I still feel lonely. I don't know if it's a physical place or a mental place. What is intimacy? Does it exist or it is just a dream?

The following song by Big and Rich - Lost in the Moment - seems to me to be about intimacy (yes I know it's just a song). To me the singers describe how all the 'senses' were going off at one time and fixed on one person - for one moment of time - the present, the now - no one else mattered. Being in the now is all about using your senses. Letting the rest of the world go on. Not thinking about anything else for the moment. Not worrying about the little things - just living. (Am I a dreamer or what?)

If I were my daughter (and I only know this because I'm a wiser now 55 year old person), I'd worry less about the wedding and think more about how to be intimate with my mate. First of all , intimacy I think, is something that either you feel or don't feel with a certain person. You could not fake that feeling. So if you want to get married or be with a person - is that intimacy? So in my humble opinion, if you feel intimate you both would want to give of yourselves freely and not worry about the little things. If one person wants intimacy and the other one doesn't - that to me is a huge problem and red flag right from the start.

I don't think you'd both have to like the same things necessarily or see things the same way, in fact, part of intimacy is letting go and letting the other person live and do the things they need to do, but keeping them close enough to 'know' them. It's like when you're with someone, be with them passionately, and when you are doing other things, do them with passion. The trick I think is keeping a balance. When the balance sways - it's tough to put it back in balance - and then sometimes it's so out of whack that it just can't come back - then it's too late...

I think when life gets in the way, you have kids, money problems, schedules, work, etc you tend to let go of the intimacy between the couple. You would have to be wise at 25-30 to know this and work like heck to keep the intimacy continue - or the flame will die. You have to respect each other and talk nice. Be patient and kind - like in I Corinthians 13.

How many husbands and wives watch TV together and the rote control is usually in the man's control and we even watch other shows during the commercials? You can't even use the 5 minutes to try to talk. Or what about a work-a-holic? My dad was one. He worked 7 days a week about 16 hours a day - he loved it - or he didn't love his home.... there was no intimacy between my parents at all.

I'm just saying - if you can only be together for five minutes a day - then be together - make the 5 minutes count! That's what's important. It's not the wedding that will keep you warm in the years to come - it's the intimacy and I don't really know that I mean the sexual part of marriage. There is something much deeper. Intimacy is a verb - using all the five senses - it's not only a noun to me.

Any thoughts - am I crazy - am I just a dreamer - or am I right?

I wonder what my daughter will think when she's 55?


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