For 2018

"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Saturday, January 09, 2010

The Mask I Wear . . .

The other side of the coin of "BEING REAL" from Wednesday . . .


Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks-
masks that I'm afraid to take off
and none of them are me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake, don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure
That all is sunny and unruffled with me
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name
and coolness my game,
that the water's calm
and I'm in command,
and that I need no one.
But don't believe me. Please!

My surface may be smooth but my surface is my mask,
My ever-varying and ever-concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence.
Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness.
But I hide this.
I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my
and fear exposing them.
That's why I frantically create my masks
to hide behind.
They're nonchalant, sophisticated facades
to help me pretend,
To shield me from the glance that
But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only salvation,
and I know it.

That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
and if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls

I dislike hiding, honestly
I dislike the superficial game I'm playing,
the superficial phony game.
I'd really like to be genuine and me.
But I need your help, your hand to hold
Even though my masks would tell you otherwise
That glance from you is the only thing that assures me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.

But I don't tell you this.
I don't dare.
I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh
and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing,
that I'm just no good
and you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a facade of assurance without,
And a trembling child within.
So begins the parade of masks,

The glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's nothing
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying
Please listen carefully and try to hear
what I'm not saying
Hear what I'd like to say
but what I can not say.

It will not be easy for you,
long felt inadequacies make my defenses strong.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
Despite what books say of men, I am irrational;
I fight against the very thing that I cry out for.
you wonder who I am
you shouldn't
for I am everyman
and every woman
who wears a mask.
Don't be fooled by me.
At least not by the face I wear.

-----author unknown and it has been published in a number of books and on the web.

Okay - here's the thought if you can stay with me - Wednesday we talked about - being real - are people able to be real or do people hide behind a mask?

Most of my gal friend bloggers - we yam what we yam.

However, I believe that sometimes for the sake of protecting ourselves we do wear a mask.

Part of growing up is letting go of that mask and learning to accept ourselves.

Then we yam what we yam.

I think that comes with life and maturity.

Something our younin's still have to learn.

And then some people CHOSE to never learn to drop their masks and stay the same?

What do you think of this theory?

Happy Birthday to Bob Denver - Wikipedia

In May 2005, Denver underwent quadruple heart bypass surgery and was subsequently diagnosed with throat cancer. He died September 2, from pneumonia and squamous cell carcinoma of the larynx at Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center, in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. With him at the time of his death were his wife of 26 years, the former Dreama Peery and his children: Patrick, Megan, Emily, and Colin — born from three of his four different marriages. Denver was cremated by Hayworth-Miller Funeral Home of Winston Salem, and his ashes were given to his family.



Linda said...

Well said my friend! I yam what I yam! It has taken years to be able to say that....but I've come to the point that I don't expect everyone to like me and that's OK! I am happy with myself and the friends who love me as I am are my true friends. Ah age and wisdom, well I hope at least some of the second I already have enough of the first!

Marjorie (Molly) Smith said...

I couldn't put it better than Linda did, It takes age and wisdom, but it also takes letting go of your past, letting go of the anger and disappointments you might have developed from cutting words or actions you received from others. You have to make peace with your inter self or you will continue to hide behind the mask or else become an angry bitter person, who even you don't like.
But as you said, I am, what I am, take me as I am, flaws and all or leave me,

^..^Corgidogmama said...

Wow...powerful post. Made me blanche, and blink a couple of times, as it hit home in a couple of places, ouch!

Knitty said...

One of the rewards of reaching a certain age is the wisdom that no matter what you do or say, not everyone will like you and some will find ulterior motives for your actions when there are none.

Who does she think she is, writing a blog? Knitting a sweater? Painting a picture? Showing us what she got for Christmas? She laughs too loud, even in her blog. I don't even like how she breathes!

No, no one has said any of that to me, but we all know it is possible.

I think your theory is a sound one. I used to meet new people and hold back, waiting to see what was acceptable (expected) and adopting that mask. While I am still more quiet when I first meet someone, it isn't about testing the water as much as it is about not coming on too strong. I am still me, but I wait to see how much of "me" they can handle. LOL!


Place your hand in mine...continue to let your words flow...I will continue to ramble! Together we will dicover the true beauty of our friendship...hiding together behind a mask...sharing our secrets,dreams,fears and knowing that there is more beautiful to be found behind ones mask than anywhere in the world!

Angela said...

First I have to say that I noticed that you have now named your dogs! I like it Chatty! lol Every day needs a name and you did a good job!

It is too bad that wisdom does come with age. If I knew what I know now when I was 20 life would be so different wouldn't it!

Have a Great Weekend!

Sue said...

My dear Sandie....You have known me a very short time but I think you know already that what you see and what you hear is what you get....Me, I'm hding behind nothing.....sometimes what I say gets me into trouble but you'll always know what I'm thinking and how I feel....Now, I have a brother who is a phycologist and he would be someone who would have written, I'm an open book!

That corgi :) said...

love your wish dogs Sandie :) the corgi is adorable (as is the pug)

interesting thoughts; I tend to hide behind a mask a lot; takes me awhile to let people in; easier to do online than in real life though at times


JeanMac said...

Wise and very thoughtful words.