Fun Friday

Husbands Vs. Wives:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAa6L00nLAg&feature=email
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Three Men on a Hike -

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, Violent river
Needing to get to the other side,
the first man prayed:

'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.'

Poof! .. God gave him big arms and strong legs
and he was able to swim
across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed:
'God, please give me
strength and the tools to cross the river'

Poof! . God gave him a rowboat and strong arms
and strong legs and he
was able to row across in about an hour
after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men,
the third man prayed:
'God,please give me the strength,
the tools and the intelligence
to cross the river'


Poof! .. He was turned into a woman
She checked the map,
hiked one
hundred yards up stream
and walked across the bridge.

GO AHEAD, SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH AND TO ANY MAN WHO
CAN HANDLE IT!

'If at first you don't succeed, do it the way your wife told you!'

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What age man do you want?
What I Want In A Man!

Original List:
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)??
1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags?of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough?shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off the couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10 Remembers that it's the weekend


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing.
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.
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Adopt Pinky Please!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asmfrzKN3XI&feature=email
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CDC ALERT

The Centers for Disease Control have issued a medical alert about a
Highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted
orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary
Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss,
any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever
- DO NOT TOUCH IT.

This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should
come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or
both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and
Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote
repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

Love,
Chatty

Fun Friday - Take a laugh break . . .

The Driver's License:

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

' Mommy ,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied. 'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says,

'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says,

'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

' My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her driver's license.

It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother,

'I know how old you are. You are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks,

'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. 'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,

'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'

Because you got an F in sex.'
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Advantages of being over 50+ :

It is all true!

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.

4. People call at 9 PM and ask, 'Did I wake you?'

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat supper at 4 PM.

9. You can live without sex, but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of braincells is finally down to a manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

ONE MORE THING:

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill, and a laxative on the same night!

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Birthday Calculator
http://www.paulsadowski.com/BirthData.asp

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Three Ladies in a Sauna:

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.

'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY
ARM".

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.

THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID........."WELL, WILL YOU LOOK THAT....I'M GETTING A FAX!!"

Have some fun and laugh today.
Chatty

Fun Friday - Take a laugh break . . .

If you're not using your smile, you're like a man with a million dollars in the bank and no checkbook.-Les Giblin

You're not really living until you can laugh . .

Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives.

After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role playing.

The following week they met up again to compare notes.

Sipping her drink , the single girl leered and said, 'Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left , I slipped out o f it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!'

The engaged woman giggled and said, 'That's pretty much my story! When my fiance got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!'

The married woman put her glass down and said, 'I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman , what's for dinner?''

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Andy Rooney's Comments on Women Over 40! 60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.

Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved.
They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age.
You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one.

You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. . . (Lol)

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Blonde Goes to Walmart

A Blonde goes to Wal-Mart to buy curtains. She tells the salesman, 'I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.

The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs. The blonde promptly replies, 'Seventeen inches."

'Seventeen inches?' asked the salesman. 'That sounds very small. What room are they for?'

The blonde says, 'They aren't for a room. They are for my new computer monitor.'

The surprised salesman replies, 'But Miss, computers do not need curtains!'

The blonde says, 'Hellllooooooooo ... I've got Windoooooows.......'

Have a fabulous Friday.
Chatty