Fun Friday with a little help from my friends.

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time.

Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.

"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."

"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.”

“Yes sir, I understand your concern and I’ll try harder.”

Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, “It's odd though your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning so late and so often?"

The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled.

He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, "They usually saluted and said, ‘Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?’”

Thanks Sharon N! (friend)

A CRAZY MARRIAGE PROPOSAL! Thanks Jerry from As The Cracker Crumbles

Important Women's Health Issue: * Do you have feelings of inadequacy? * Do you suffer from shyness? * Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? * Do you suffer exhaustion from the day to day grind? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas. Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas. Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include: - Dizziness - Nausea - Vomiting - Incarceration - Loss of motor control - Loss of clothing - Loss of money - Table dancing - Headache - Dehydration - Dry mouth - And a desire to sing Karaoke WARNINGS: * The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when you are not. * The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. * The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing. * The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. Please share this with other women who may need Margaritas.

Thank you Kim of Millie's Mats

A young punker gets on the crosstown bus. He's got
spiked, multicolored hair that's green, purple and
orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags.
His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire
face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and
his earrings are big, bright feathers.

He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across
from a man who Just glares at him for the next ten
miles. Finally, the punk gets self conscious and barks
at the old man.

"What are you looking at you old man......didn't you
ever do anything wild when you were young?"

Without missing a beat, the old man replies: "Yeah.
Back when I was young and in the Navy, I got really
drunk in Singapore and made love to a parrot. I thought
maybe you were my son."

Thanks Jeannie (cousin)

Moo Shoe Pork

Woman Contacts Technical Support...

Dear Technical Support...

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0 .

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1 .

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Woman

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 , Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1 .Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0 .

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

(Thanks Jerry at As the Cracker Crumbles)

"We can live a life full and complete, thinking with our heads but living from our hearts.”

Helen Hunt, M.A



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