THE REASON TO LOVE OLD WOMEN.......
She walked up and tied her old mule to the hitch rail. As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, saying, "Hey Old WOMAN, have you ever danced?"
The old woman looked up at the gun slinger and said, “No, I never did dance,…never really wanted to.”
A crowd had gathered as the gun slinger grinned and said,"Well, you old bag, you’re gonna dance now,” and started shooting at the woman’s feet.
The old woman prospector – not wanting to get her toe blown off – started hopping around. Everybody was laughing. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered, his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old woman’s hands, as she quietly said, “Son, have you ever kissed a mule’s butt? The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “No Mam…but…I’ve always wanted to.”
THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS FOR US ALL HERE:
1 - Never be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid.
Thanks Jerry at Asthecrackerheadcrumbles
Grandma's boyfriend
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said,
'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'
Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend.
I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long.
The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh
... I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible.
She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.
Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister.
The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'
The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'
The minister fainted.
Thank you Kim.
We should live to 94, know who we are, and (energetically) dance for 2 minutes
Mathilda Klein - age 94
Thank you Monica
Yawning and stretching.
THE LAUGH:
THE LIFT:
64 comments:
Enjoyed this one today. Especially the gunslinger story. However, I was crying at the very sad photo of the dog on the grave - oh, that is so touching!
Good luck on the garage sale. May you be blessed with actual buyers, and not just "lookie-loos."
XO
Hey, Sandie... loved the gunslinger and the lady dancing. :-)
Good luck with your garage sale. We have been out of town and are traveling again today. Will be back in St. Augustine sans computer access, but will try to get to the library to blog. Have missed you.
XO,
Sheila
Love the gunslinger and I adore Mathilda!
Good luck with your sale. Wish I could swing by. :)
Hi Sandie. I love Mathilda! Good luck with your garage sale.
Oh...where to begin with this...Mathilda does not need a walker, she is awesome! The kid flying...would be fun until you stopped and the knees...oh the knees. I LOVED the gunslinger story. The TV boyfriend...well what can I say...out of the mouths of babes. LOL The picture of the tat is exactly "why" I would never get one. Now to finish...the pup on the grave was sad...I have seen this before and it breaks my heart every time. They are so loyal, loving and giving of everything they have. Good ones this Friday. Good luck with your garage sale, tell me how you did.
LOL that tattoo illustration made me laugh. I loved the orange kittens picture :)
loved all the sweet pics the bottom, and i thought she was going to shoot he gunslinger, she did something even better...
Hey Chatty! Love the pics and jokes, as always! Have a wonderful weekend!
i always wonder about tats when you get older ... will they look ok or not?? scary!!
love the take you to work joke. ha. ha!! i can see the hubby saying something silly like that. ha. ha!!
you always find the greatest jokes to share. ( :
Saved the picture of the eagle tattoo for my Grand daughter and am going to title it "in case you are tempted"
Thanks for another fun Friday !!!! Have a wonderful weekend
LOL at the kiddos on the riding car. :)
Happy garage saling! :)
Thank you for another very honorable mention!
Oh, that dog on the grave photo! So touching!
Hope you have a great weekend, Sandie.
I love to laugh too and you should never mess with old people. Men or women.
The lift is so true. They grieve just like we do. Bless their hearts.
Have a terrific garage sale honey and make lots of money. Big hugs. ☺
What a delightful post, hon. I've missed being able to comment, miss being able to post myself. Hopefully it won't be much longer. Still waiting for my hands to improve. Still typing with one painful finger. Love and hugs too.
Wow what a Grandma !
I love those pics. specially the kittens. Thanks for sharing a lovely post. Have a great weekend.
Lovely! I love the potted babies and the orange cats.
It must have been an old television that grandma called her boyfriend. These days people don't know what it is to twiddle with knobs to improve reception or to hit the back of the tv too. Ahhh - the good old days!
Loved the story of the feisty old lady with the double barrel shotgun too. The moral? Don't mess with old ladies. Love it.
good luck with the sale!
liked the father who didn't bring the kid home. :)
Okay. These cracked me up today. I printed out the tattoo one, because my girls have one (at least one). Loved the old mule woman and Mathilda's made me smile. Thank you for the laughs and smiles today.
Ah hahahaha!! The minister joke and the gunslinger story has me doubled over. The tattooed butts cartoon was also a knee-slapper. Thanks, Cathy!
Hi Sandie .. I've no idea where you get all of these .. they are just such fun .. and I do love the Minister!
Let alone your old lady story .. we have wisdom!!
Cheers Hilary
My favorites today are that amazing wagon shot and the baby squirrels. But the kids in the wagon, stupendous, it kind of represents all of childhood! Let me know how much is left over and how much money you made.
Put on sunblock and wear a floppy hat. Sit when you can and sip! Also going to be 90 here today and I am off to the strawberry patch with Ella...
The lessons... so true!!!
Matilda is AWESOME! Thanks for including that.
Love the C.S.Lewis quote.
Good luck with your garage sale. LOVED the babies in buckets.
Love the rabbit!Hahaa
Happy weekend! Don't work too hard at that garage sale!
hughugs
Funny stuff! Good luck with the garage sale. Have a great weekend!
"In the bedroom banging the boyfriend" lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good Luck with your garage sale... Lots of work when doing one of them. Hope you do well.
My favorite thing today was the 94 yr. old dancer.. Awesome....
BUT--I loved the 'Bangin' the TV' one also.
Hugs,
Betsy
n especially good post today Sandie!
Thanks for the laughs Sandie! Good luck with the sale.
Good laughs today.
I hope I can still dance like that at 94. My husband and I took couples dance lessons a few years ago. There were all these young 20yr old couples. We were the oldest couple except for the dance instructor and his wife they were in their eighties.
Hope garage sale goes well.
Good advice from the experience with the gunslinger! Love the boyfriend story, too. Hope you have good weather and sell lots of stuff!!!
HA!!! Love the gunslinger story!!! Great post today and have fun with your garage sale - Im not one to do a garage sale I'd rather give it all to Goodwill and be done with it - but I do enjoy interacting with people! I love how they will barter for a less price when it's as low as it can go - by that point I'm like, 'just take it!"
One time our church was doing a huge garage sale for two families that had terminally ill children - One lady was really working me over for a lower price and finally I said - it's a fund raiser!
She laughed realizing she was being a little over the top and bought the item.
Oh, the babies in the buckets are just adorable!
And the ladies with the tattoos...how TRUE that will be for so many! lol
Have a great weekend!
Hi Sandie-
:);)You have done it again!
Love Old women, gunslinger story was delightful-she was one smart gal! Oh and the T.V. I wasn't prepared for the ending tale of that story. So many life lessons and inspirations with you!
Have a awesome garage sale!
Happy Hugs-
Jemma
Dear Sandie, I loved these. I especially loved Mathilda's Dance!! That was wonderful and inspiring. Blessings dear and hugs. Catherine xoxo
I'm still laughing over grandma's boyfriend.
Good luck with the garage sale. I should have one but that's just so much work
Oh Sandie! This post was great fun!!!! I laughed a huge cackle at the first cartoon of the bare butts!!!!!!! hahahhahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Miss Matilda Klien is agile and that was not an easy dance. OMyGosh! That was fabulous! I loved the set up of the walker etc as the intro. Very impresssssed!
I sure hope your garage sale goes well. (hug)
Each of your photo choices today were extra good one's. I hope your garage sale goes well and that you meet a lot of nice people with lot's of money in their pocket. :)
Great read. Like the Gunslinger and lady prospector and the noted rules that followed. Great advice!
Love Matilda.
Thanks for the entertainment.
((HUGS))
(Good luck)
Sandie, this is a nice "Old Folk" post today. It was nice to see the young man get what was coming to him.
And Sharon's animals are the BEST!!!
..
that video of that women dancing was unbelievable...Not only would I love to be able to dance like that but I would kill to be able to wear shoes with heals like that....I'm stuck wearing flats the rest of my life.....she's amazing!!! and loved the fringe dress she had on.
That was a great post, Sandie. Oh man, I could never dance like Mahtilda! What a gal.
The funny about the lady banging her boyfriend was hilarious.
Hope your taggie went fabulously! Susan
Thank you for making me laugh
That pretty good no you should never mess with old people, young people you can fool most of the time, middle aged some of the time but old people never.
Merle......
Good morning my friend, the highlight of the week reading blogs on Saturday morning. I love the pictures, so funny :). Hope you've had a good week and get some time to relax in the weekend. Hugs x
Hope the garage sale goes well. Would be fun to drop by and see all the stuff you have for sale. Rest up. The tattoos were funny. Like all the smiles today.
Enjoyed every little bit of this!
Thanks for the laughs! Enjoy your day!
I love that last pic although it makes me a bit sad. And that first joke...old woman with gun....cute. Love your new header...the soft greens and pics...awesome.
Hugs Chatty. Wishing you a great day
Love the gunslinger story! Don't fool with old women!! Hope your yard sale is a success.
hugs,
linda
You always make ME laugh Sandie!! Makes me wonder about all those girls (my daughter included) with tattoos and how she will look 30 years from now when the skin is sagging!! And then you made me cry with the pooch on the grave! How do they know?
Hi, Sandie:
I'm so glad I watched the Mathilda video. I can't believe Mathilda can dance the way she does at her age! She's amazing. Thanks for the smile today.
Be well.
Thanks so much, really needed the laughs my friend.
Sure glad I don't have a tattoo .... it would be changing as we speak.
Your pictures and stories always lift my spirits and make my day, thank you!
Hugs,
I love Matilda. Sounds like the sale went well, yes?
Stopping by to say hello! Thanks for making me smile. :) Have a great week!
Hi Chatty -
I love going to yard sales but don't like having them myself. Yesterday, I picked up a brand new computer monitor from my neighbor for $20.
Blessings,
Susan :)
Scary the first photo. The lady on the right, I'm asking myself "does my butt look like that"? Not gonna look in the mirror to find out.
Love your post - very funny
betsy
Love those babies in the buckets!
Loved the post today!! Good luck with your garage sale, I am going through stuff to get ready for one.
Diana
laughter is the best medicine!
my fave...those adorable babies in the buckets!
Post a Comment