"Life is lived forward, but understood backward. It is not until we are down the road and we stand on the mountain looking back through the valley that we can appreciate the terrain God has allowed us to scale.” Jill Savage

Monday, September 23, 2019

How you look at it is pretty much how you'll see it.

Thanks Ma.

I read Ma's blog a couple weeks ago - click here for her blog.  She is a deep thinker and very positive.  I try to be positive, but I have to admit - sometimes I am not.  It is very hard for me to be positive when I get around a lot of negativity, but I try.

I think that - "How you look at it is pretty much how you'll see it," is a pretty true statement.  

Look at your life and see where you are at and check who got you there.  

Was it someone else's choice - or was it your choice?  

A lot of us love to blame others or our circumstances, but the cold hard truth is - it is probably our own choice that got us there.  Yes, life is hard and throws things in the way of getting where we want, but I still think somehow it was our own choice.  Look at all the I's.

For example, one choice I always felt bad about was that I dropped out of college and that I didn't finish it later on.  I could have finished all these years, but I didn't.  I have always felt like people with college degrees were a little bit better than me. I know it is not true, but I felt it for a long time. 

Now this is the thing - I have made three choices here , one - I dropped out of college, two - I allowed myself not to feel as good as others, and three - I did not to finish college later on when I could have.  

Choices are tricky. I have make a lot of bad decisions in my life - this was rather a minor one.

How I looked at it for a long time was that I had made a bad choice.  I finally got to the point in life where  I needed to choose either to go back to school and finish OR I needed to accept where I was, love myself, forget it and go on.  Which I have.

I am not better than others - but I am as good as others.  Someone checking this for grammar, that went to college, is probably smarter in English grammar than I am, but maybe I am smarter in something else - maybe it kind of all equals out. 

I feel I have gotten to the point of acceptance where it doesn't bother me any more. Age will do that in time.  Acceptance is the key to moving on.  What do you think?


My grandson is making choices now in college that will affect his life just like I did way back then.  He thinks of life now - as his entire life.  I did too.  However, as a mature adult now - I can see how the choices he makes now will affect his life later.  However, you can't tell him - he will have to find it out on his own.  And trust me - you couldn't tell me anything back then either.

So many things go into choices.  Timing - age - money - love - etc.

What are your thoughts on choices?  You made any good ones or bad ones?  Any you regret? Any you are happy about? 

Something to think about. . . 

Andy.  Remember when I told you we tried pugs - this was Andy dog.  Andy baby.  And all named after my brother Andy who died April 4, 1997.  

Disco - in one of his unique sleeping poses.  

Joke of the day:
I can be upstairs and Disco can be downstairs sleeping on his back - and if I open the tiniest cracker wrapper he will be up here ASAP!  


jack69 said...

How very true this is Chatty. For awhile I thought myself less than HS grads because I was a drop out. A least you did make it to college. I did learn later in life when I had college grads work for me that some could not write a sensible pass down note or log. Anyway I enjoyed the entry. Lots of truth there and yes MA is one positive lady.
I always enjoy my visit to your house to keep up with you, Andy and Disco. Funny how I can remember when Andy was in grade school from your reports, time sure moves on. You always seem pretty positive to me.
Love from NC
Sherry & jack

L said...

What an inspiration you are my friend, very very wise words, I have regrets but not a lot, I regret taking the job where my accident took place that caused my brain injury, oh my gosh, I love disco, thank you for bringing us the wonderful thought provoking post today!

Cheri said...

I regret never going to college, I was all set to go and because the boyfriend at the time was afraid I would find someone else I didn’t go...DUMB...DUMB...DUMB. Then I started working full time and racking up bills, got married, moved to another state, and had a baby and felt like the time was never right, not going to college was the BIGGEST MISTAKE I ever made.

Disco and the unwrapped cracker was not only like our dogs but even my kids. I can remember them playing upstairs and I would open a cupboard door very slowly to get out a piece of chocolate and they would come running down wondering what I was eating. My youngest even wanted to smell my breath. Ha ha ha

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What one sees as beautiful another sees ugly. We can only try to do the best with what we have. I have few regrets in life. Young people need to learn on their own. They don't take advice unless it's something they want to hearl, One thing Ive fiound is that prayer works, when all else fails. Praying your Andy will make wise decisions, his future depends on it. Thanks for your kind comments and highlighting my blog. They are very appreciated.

Sandee said...

Life is full of choices. You make good ones or bad ones, but you have those choices to make. I've made my share of bad choices, but I didn't let that define me. I reset that choice to the proper choice and moved on. Sometimes society is pretty preachy about what you should or should do or be. I don't listen to that hogwash.

Have a fabulous day, Sandie. Big hug. ♥

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Sandie - we can't regret ... we wouldn't be where we are today or with the blogging friends we've met.

I do think mentors could be promoted more - I'd have loved to have had a mentor in my late teens, early twenties - ah well I just look back and enjoy what I have done ... the blog satisfies perhaps what I might have achieved.

Good for Andy - he'll be fine ... his friends and peers will be there for him - cheers Hilary

Knitty said...

One of the hardest things most of us face is forgiving ourselves for choices that we later think were mistakes. We don't have a crystal ball to see into the future or to view life in reverse and see that what we think might have been the better choice 20 years ago may have truly harmed us in unseen ways. I can say now that going to college, travel, marriage, and parenthood doesn't make you a better person than you would have been. We are all born with goodness, how we nurture and share it is up to us.

I am a proponent of continuing education but college isn't the answer for everyone. A degree should be a tool to securing employment that requires the knowledge behind the degree but it doesn't make a person better overall than anyone else. With enough money and time, anyone can go to college. Just look at some of our celebrities and politicians today. Not many of them are admirable in my opinion. Please note that I don't mean people should not be proud of their accomplishments. Of course we should be, and our families and friends should be happy for us, but that is about personal accomplishments, not setting anyone on a pedestal and knocking others off.

Many of my friends without college backgrounds are more aware of what is going on in the world than some who got their degrees and quit educating themselves about anything in life. Don't we all know people stuck in some sort of rut and using "back in the day" as if we should all return to some previous time? Life isn't lived backward.

Be as kind to yourself as I know you are to others.

Sandra said...

all five of the dogs who have owned us over the last 35 years could hear the sound of a wrapper no matter where they were or how deeply asleep, they could hear the fridge door open also...love the upside down Disco.. so funny and cute.
I made to many bad choices to list, and some were major bad choices. you are right, we know now but no one will listen, as we mature we can see with hindsight, but there is no way to share it and have the person understand.. I did come back from most of the bad ones and also made a few good ones. like choose to move to FL in 1984... one of the best I made. I did not go to college and never wanted to and think college is only good if you want a career that requires it. just going to college gets nothing but a piece of paper. in my job I retired from, I had college people that could not do the job properly and high school that could... college is good choice for some and not for others. if you had finished what would you have done differently

betty said...

Those dogs can find the most interesting positions to sleep in! I've made some not wise choices and decisions over the years and I regret quite a few of them, LOL. But I do remember a preacher saying in a sermon one time that if a parent teaches their children about Jesus and gets them to learn about him and make it to church, then that is the most important thing they can do as a parent so I got comforted about that because at least I did that right, LOL.

I didn't go to college and I thought I had a career that would last until I was ready to retire and you know how that is going for me. My in-laws would have paid for me to go to college after we got married but I wasn't really interested. My hubby wisely said that everyone should have 3 things they can do in life for a career in case one is no longer an option. He has those 3 things in that he is a material manager at a healthcare facility, he can teach guitar, and he can perform in a band if need be. I'm pretty limited now what I can do.

Your grandson will learn like we all did. If you could just impress upon him that this is just a season for his life and not his whole life and allow himself to really think through things and see where he might want to be 10 years from now, that might help, or not, LOL. (Didn't work for my kids).


Ginny Hartzler said...

I agree with this. Trouble is, we are more apt to make bad decisions when we are young and don't know any better. By the time we DO know better, we are too old to do anything about it! This is partly why it is so important to listen to parents and grandparents. HOW can Disco sleep like that?

Mevely317 said...

Such a thought-Full post!
I've little use for those who choose to blame others (their parents, their teachers, etc.) for their failures. Straighten up and OWN them, people! Pretty sure I've more regrets than most folks. I can choose to be bitter, or maybe -- just maybe -- I can forgive myself and keep stumbling forward. (Fingers crossed!)

Jo-Anne's Ramblings said...

Young people have tunnel vision and can't see how their actions now will affect them in the future

Terri D said...

Life really is all about the choices we make. The hard part is sometimes accepting that we may not have made the right choice. But even then, we learn from our mistakes and move on to make better choices the next day. I think we have all been there Sandie. You sure aren't alone. Look where your choices have landed you!! A loving family, a terrific grandson, that cute Disco, blogging friends who love you!! I think you have done just fine for yourself, dear friend!

Susan said...

Ohhhhhh Sandie. I think all of us make some choices we regret and others we are happy with. It's all part of life. As youth, we tend to make some stupid choices. When we are older, we know better. You are a lovely woman who must NEVER EVER think someone one who has a degree is better than you. No way. Some of the most wonderful, intelligent, kind, and beautiful people I've known didn't finish school. Who cares? It's what is in our hearts that matters and you, my friend, are golden.

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

Regrets for bad choices is not something that I dwell on. I never made them on purpose but more because of the timing and emotion. It is what it is and it is done. Mistakes take you to places of learning and sometimes good can come from them also. The fork in the road leads us on different travels and along with them many paths to explore or not. The most important thing is to make peace with ourselves and move on.

roughterrain crane said...

Your pretty dog Disco looks quite relaxed.

Abby said...

Well, this is a very contemplative post. I was just thinking on these same things this morning before reading here - how little choices ripple into big waves sometimes. You may not have a college degree, but you're certainly wise! I'm inspired by my mother who didn't attend school beyond 8th grade, but she made things happen! It can be hard to watch our kids (or grandkids) make choices on their own that we know aren't for the best, but it's how we all learn :/
Andy pug and Andy baby were sure cute. I didn't know about your brother, Andy. And the dog joke - so true!

Bijoux said...

Very true words! I struggle with negativity, too. And guess what? I blame my mom! LOL! She was and is a very negative person. It's hard to stop myself sometimes, but I try.

My youngest graduated from college almost 2 years ago and has made some dumb (I wouldn't say bad) career choices as well as dumb life decisions while in college. But we couldn't tell him otherwise, and you're right, they have to learn it on their own. I pray for him daily that he will see the Light in more ways than one.

photowannabe said...

Yes, for sure...Life is about choices.They are not always Right and Wrong Choices...sometimes they are about choosing the better choice.
Like others have said some choices need to be about forgiving ourselves and moving on.
Bitterness and regret can be a real killer of who we really are.
I never enjoyed college but went for 2 years because my Uncle paid for my schooling. I did it "because".
Good thing that came out of it...I met my hubby and we've been married for almost 56 years. BEST CHOICE...
Perfect Life....NEVER...
Very thought provoking post today....
Thank you
I am grateful for Life...rough patches and all.

Red Rose Alley said...

Oh, look at sweet Andy as a baby in his Santa suit. So cute. Most of us make bad choices at some time in our lives, but I think the important thing is to not become bitter and angry from then on, and to never lose love. I didn't know you went to college. I also went for a couple years, but didn't get nearly the degrees that my daughters did. Staying at home and raising my children was more important than college and jobs, and it is something that I will never regret. All that time spent with my little ones makes me smile to this day.

Isn't that funny that Disco wakes up to the tiniest noise of a cracker wrapper being opened. Love that picture of him on his back hehehe.


Lee said...

Something to mull over...to chew upon as I eat my strawberries and pear. I've already had my ice cream! :)

Lowcarb team member said...

I do my best to always stay positive!
Lots to read in your post and think about.

My good wishes.

All the best Jan

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Looks at all the comments you got! I try not to dwell on regrets. I'm sure I could have made better choices in my life along the way. I also feel that where we are today as a family is awesome and this was God's plan for us all along.

R's Rue said...


roughterrain crane said...

Happy Sunday to you.

mail4rosey said...

The cheese wrapper joke made me laugh. So did the picture of Disco upside down!

I've made a lot of great, and not so great choices in my life. Like you said, the choices we make, lead to where we end up. I try to tell that to my 3 grown kids, but they will, like you said, do what they want, thinking they know it all right now. I can only hope and continue to pray that they make wise decisions on the 'big' things. :)

I hear you too, about age bringing acceptance. There are so many things about being older that I LOVE! And...there are a few things older age brings that I could live without. ;)

Buttercup said...

I've made some silly/unfortunate choices. Sometimes I learned my lesson and other times, I made the same choice again. I should have sooner learned that I could be very happy with less shoes and a smaller wardrobe. Much happier and save the money for the rainy day that will always arrive.

Jim said...

Oh Sandie, you rang my bell this morning. I too am a college dropout but did go back to school. I could think hard and find some bad choices though every one I think of turned out fine.
I'll give a not-so-short rundowm.
First of all though my life has been guided by open doors, whether to take them or not, and the consequences from my decision. Many involved the girls and women, like Willie Nelson, they went in and came out, most of them literally but won't leave my mind.
First biggie, to go to college or not. I wasn't planning to but the U of Nebraska decided during my first summer out of high school to offer me a scholarship. I went.
Then after three semesters of doing horribly o dropped out before I could never get back in. My choice.
Then after of visiting the personell office at a watch factory a job opened. I took their aptitude test and accepted a 5-cent over minimum wage job. I ran with two wild crowds, two of my best friends from one went to prison from armed robbery. Within a year I had married the sister of one, who was girlfriend of the other. An easy choice to make, two other alternative choices were not good. She was a church goer, a Christian, who straightened me out.
Two weeks later I received my draft notice and went into the Army. They did more straightened me some more. Time for discharge and three kids later I stayed in for three more years. (The watch factory had closed.)
For my reenlistment I had studied electronics and tested for a 43 week Army electronics school. I graduated 3rd in my class of 40 plus. Maybe not real dumb, I could work with my hands and my mind.
With an early release my resume returns were barely returning, I accepted a job as an electronics engineer with experience and training in lieu of a degree.
My life went that way, doors in the distance for which I headed. And took, many of them.
Ups and downs, a divorce after 13 years and four kids later, with several maxed credit cards, and only an older work car (VW Bug) I holed up.
And went back to school. And found out for sure I wasn't dumb after all.
Followed this with a little dating, a motorcycle, and tamed Hippie look, I got my degree, still working with the company I went with after service.
After three years of that, my new Mrs. Jim found and rescued me for once more. By then I had one degree and was working for another. In a couple of years another years another degree and another child, all planned this time, and was still working as an Aerospace Engineer with my company working elbow to elbow with NASA engineers in Flight Control at Houston.
Another open door five years after graduation I accepted a position they had made for me at the community college where I had been teaching som evening classes.
Now I've been retired for 18 years.

Jim said...

Wow, looong !!!

Kim@stuffcould.... said...

Oh I believe it’s our choice how we react to the land mines we all run into. You made so many good points, it won’t be me checking your grammar lol. Awww he grew up fast, and disco is just like my dog 🐕

Natalia said...

Very inspiring and made you think post, I also believe the words of Camus are true.Our choices are really imporyabr, but I also believe there is no coinsidence in life. Have a lovely day☺

Sandi said...

You could go to college now... ;-) Just saying!

I went and if I had it all to do over again I would study more of some subjects and maybe not so much of others. Well, like you said, we make our choices. I think you did pretty well. College isn't everything.

Love the cheese wrapper photo! :)

Love Affair with Food said...

Inspiring post. Thanks for sharing.

Dogmom Diva said...

At age 66 i tend to reflect a lot. A few regrets we made our mistakes as we were older and tried to land in the right place. Between 2003 and 2016 we moved 5 times. We should have stayed where we were, we would be sitting better financially now, but whats done is done. We are very happy here since 2016 but i do see a move down the road, a few years as we will need to be closer to our son near Sacramento . Most likely downsize into a duplex or mobile home. Its fine, as hubby's Parkinsons progresses i will need help.

Starry Dawn said...

My friend, I think this post is a complete success. I have read it thoroughly, up and down, not only your post, but also the comments your friends have made for you, according to their own points of view. I think you are a positive lady with a golden heart, and one of my best friends. Your Blog is very rich, because you make people think, ask questions to share their own lives with yours, and so on, and so forth.
To my own view, I could summarize my life -as a complete failure from the beginning. After High School, I was 17, I enrolled in a Private Law School. I studied very hard to become a Lawyer. I wanted to be a Prosecutor at a Criminal Court. My favourite subject was Criminal Law. After 4 years or so, I dropped my career to go to New York. My country of birth was at War. I got married to an abuser. Therefore, I found myself being a victim of domestic violence for 10 years of our marriage. I had a baby with him. I tried very hard to save my baby from getting killed by her own father. I also tried to save my own life, for he wanted to kill me. I just wanted to live in the U.S.A. no matter what. My country of birth was at War. I WAS SCARED, those memories left traces in my mind and soul! Many people died and disappeared, vanished into thin air without a trace. As a young girl, I made lots of mistakes. But, my worst mistake was leaving my dear mother alone. I was her only child. My father left my mom when I was about 10 years old. My mom didn't want to lose me. She wanted me to stay with her. No matter how much she cried for me, and begged me to stay, I left her. 9 years after I left my home and my dear mother, sadly, she was killed -due to a medical malpractice. I have always regreted to have left her alone. Needless to say, I regret almost everything I have done in my life, except the fact to have my only baby girl, my daughter. 40 years later, my little girl back then, is a mom a grown up woman herself. Sadly, she does not welcome me in her New York home, just because she prefers her father over me. He convinced her that he was a good father. He's a liar, just to say the least. I should have stayed with my mom, finished my college studies to get the degree -as a Lawyer, and pursued a career -the way I wanted to. But, instead, I made many mistakes that I would truly regret later on in my life. I have been trying very hard to go back in time, and erase the bad to put some good things instead of the bad choices. I agree with the following statement some of your friends wrote for you. Disco is your lovely pet. I love your dog, Disco! My friend, I think you have a wonderful family. So you did great!
"One of the hardest things most of us face is forgiving ourselves for choices that we later think were mistakes. We don't have a crystal ball to see into the future, or to view life in reverse, and see that what we think might have been the better choice 20 years ago, or it may have truly harmed us in unseen ways. I can say now that going to college, travel, marriage, and parenthood doesn't make us a better person than one would have been. We are all born with goodness. How we nurture and share our experience, it's all up to us."