"We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us." ~ Virginia Satir

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I haven't taken a Bible Study in a long time - not because I haven't wanted too, the timing has been off. I could do it when it wasn't offered and it was offered when I was busy (same thing I guess). This year I was bound and determined to take one.

The only one offered at our church was 'Breaking Free - Making Liberty in Christ a Reality in Life' by Beth Moore. The only thing I knew was that Beth Moore Bible Studies for woman were supposed to be awesome. I signed up.

Well, no matter how many times I think I have all my 'past' behind me, something comes along to bring up another layer. I mean I really feel like I have gone over this so many times.

"I didn't remember until recently why I felt so uncomfortable on my wedding day some 20 years ago. I remember looking in the mirror with such disappointment. I had hoped to be a beautiful bride and, although Keith assures me with proper partiality that I was, I felt so much the opposite on my special day. My gown was rented, and I would not wear white because I did not feel pure-scars from being a childhood victim of someone else's problems." - Beth Moore

Oh no - Beth Moore was a victim of abuse as a child. She was in captivity from the abuse. She searched for years and years and years how to free herself from the bondage of it - hence the study came out 1999 - Breaking Free. I don't know much else about her story as it doesn't go into it a lot. Apparently she was the victim of abuse (sexual ?) by a relative I think. Her mom kind of had her own problems and was there, but missing in action if you know what I mean. The only way she got out of captivity from the past was through Jesus.

In this Bible study we're supposed to remove the obstacles in our path, tour the ancient ruins of our lives, bind up the brokenhearted part of us, make beauty from ashes - by letting God be the potter and we the clay - by his unfailing love.

Now don't get me wrong - I believe this wholeheartedly. I get it. All of it. I'm wondering about the other woman - do they get it? There are 15 of us. Last week we could discuss our past if we wanted too. Three of them had ministers as fathers. The other eleven had wonderful childhoods too and had wonderful Christian 'daddies'.

Maybe I'm not as over it as I think I am. I was a bit bitter in my heart. Sorry. I was thinking - what in the world do these woman know about pain and suffering? About abuse? What are they doing here in this study and who the heck picked it and why?

And, why did I have to go through that myself? Why couldn't I have had the wonderful Christian 'daddy' and the mother who was there with me, helping me instead of needing help herself? Why did I lose my brother the nearest and dearest person - the person who went though and survived all this with me? (Of course, the answer I always get is - Why not me? I also know that other people have things they are suffering with - even though it's different than mine.)

We talked about how we 'pay' for the sins of our parents. Being the way our parents were - their parents were - what we learned from them and how we can carry it on to our children. Or if we're blessed enough, we learn to let it go - through working hard and changing ourselves from what we learned.

I can't say I exactly relate to these women. I didn't talk - I didn't know quite what to say. Do I tell them I was abused? I mean the abuse is over. I once was a victim, but I no longer feel like a victim. I don't think of myself as a victim. Has it left scars? Yes, but do they need to know that? Do I need to share that?

The biggest issue I have remaining is the lack of feeling self worth - not all of the time - but definitely some of the time. Liking myself - inner acceptance - me loving and really accepting myself unconditionally.

Well I'm more than being honest today. I have a hard time telling people this and about the abuse. Yet here I blab to the whole world (?) - it's safe. It's hard to tell people.

Now did I pass problems down from my parents - through me - to my kids? Yes! Not the abuse part, but the self esteem part - how could they learn self-esteem when they didn't see it modeled for them? I feel that I taught them to be afraid instead of self confident. I was a perfectionist in my younger days. I was critical (I hate to admit it). So to my children I am sorry. I did my best at the time. Too bad I can't re-raise you now! I'm so much better and have so much more to give. Back then I was on survival mode. So pain and struggling does make you better . . .

So yes, I have grown and changed with age - I think for the better (Lol).

So - my advice to you and to the world is to learn to define who you are for yourself - in fact this is what I really feel - don't even define yourself. Why - what good does it do. Just be whoever you are - that 'went though' whatever particular circumstances you went through.

"We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us." ~ Virginia Satir (or ourself)

Never allow someone else to hurt you by defining you as bad including yourself. Everyone is good in their own way however they are.

Chatty

Wednesday's Whims and Songs

I also went to the play Wicked this weekend on Sunday at the fabulous Fox theater on Peachtree Street (one of the 132 Peachtree's Streets here in Atlanta) great city.

I had no idea what this was about before I went except that it was connected to the Wizard of Oz movie/book - which is one of my favorite movies of all times. There are some really brilliant gifted thinkers in this world! Amazing someone could think like this - so profoundly deep. (Wonder if he's an analyzer/thinker - he'd have to be.)

It was about the time before the Wizard of Oz (which has so much meaning in it too, if one dissects it). The story was about Glenda the good witch and Elphaba the Wicked Witch of the West and how they became those witches.

You just assume by watching the Wizard of Oz what the story tells you. There is a good witch and a bad witch and that good triumphs over evil. (Don't we all sometimes believe what others tell us, without finding out what our own thoughts and hearts tell us?)

Okay (now this is just a story gang) did you know that Glenda and Elphaba were best friends? They went to school together. And did you know that, now how can I say this, that sometimes evil isn't evil and good isn't good? Maybe nothing is as it seems to appear to be.

The author Gregory Maguire wanted to examine the nature of evil. He allows us to take a more complex look at the nature of truth, the value of beauty and the cost of moral behavior.

"The history of Elphaba, her friendship with the 'good' witch, her love affairs, the politics of Oz, and why she wanted those ruby slippers so bad are all told in Wicked."

This book/play told the Wizard of Oz, from the witch's point of view.

See it or read the book if you can - very interesting - the slant and all.

And let me say - don't listen to others opinions and views of others. Those who may seem good may be good or not, but those who seem wicked, might be good.

"We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us." (Virginia Satir)

This is the thing - when someone does a particular 'something' and the world judges and judges it to be wrong - who is the world to judge what is right and wrong? There may be a 'part of the story' that is missing, that the world does not know of. The missing piece.

Chatty

See song below . . . good song about good friends . . . "For Good" . . .

Video in Blog below.

Wicked For Good Lyrics
Songwriters: N/A

(Elphaba):
I'm limited
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...

(Glinda):
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba):
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

(Glinda):
Because I knew you

(Both):
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba):
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

(Glinda):
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

(Both):
And none of it seems to matter anymore

(Glinda):
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

(Elphaba):
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

(Both):
Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

(Glinda):
And because I knew you...

(Elphaba):
Because I knew you...

(Both):
Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good...