The ripple effect . . .

Happy Birthday to Faith Hill, Stephen King, and H. G. Wells.

"Man must not allow the clock and the calendar to blind him to the fact that each moment of his life is a miracle and a mystery." ~ H. G. Wells.

I read a book once and I remember a story out of it about something called the 'ripple effect' - the book was about doing just one thing differently every day - something ever so tiny - even if was reading ten minutes a day every day - and how it will change you - you may not see how or even ever see the change - but it might have a ripple effect for someone else.

My grandson is in martial arts. Andy was in Tae Kwan Do for about a year and a half. He did the Tiger program quite well. Graduated and went into the more grown up part of the program. He froze - he literally couldn't move - it was too overwhelming for him. My heart was breaking for him. I took him to about 20 individual lessons, but to no avail. He just couldn't get it. The people - the staff - didn't believe in him. He was getting further and further behind and discouraged, I knew I had to do something.

My friend Lynne - God had just so happened to place in my life (via a vitamin product and church) - who just happened to be a black belt somewhere else in a similar, but different martial art. She talked to me about it and I talked to my daughter (ripple effect) and we thought we'd try it. Lynne actually went with us, introduced us to a very special man - a grand master of this art - who I will get to later. She actually sat and took the class with Andy! OMG. He was scared, but so happy and secure with Lynne.

Then the grand master and I talked. He looked in my eyes and saw the pain I had there for my grandson. He said Andy was discouraged and needed some 'mind' help. He knew exactly what was in my heart. He believed in Andy! And we made a very weird connection that day.

So Andy started all over again - but for the first few belts instead of taking the normal time - he skipped him faster. He said, "Change the belt - change the mind." And I tell you it was no lie. Andy started changing his heart and mind from day one - because he was believed in. Now he is working hard and doing what everyone else is and in the same length of time. He's a real green belt which is halfway to his black belt.

Now God put Lynne in my life, she put Andy at her martial arts and is his mentor, and now the grand master is his mentor (and mind too). One little random act of kindness is all it took to change the life of a little boy forever (and me too). His path from thinking badly of himself to thinking better of himself - took one little random act of kindness.

Now some people will never know what their act of random kindness will do in the future. Not so with Lynne and the grand master because they are still my dear friends and I tell them all the time! Maybe when Andy grows up - my hope is - that he will take someone under his wing and do one little random act of kindness. This would be the ripple effect because then who he took under his wing would hopefully do the same. We may never see the total effect - but does it really matter?

This grand master has given to me too. I feel so safe and at peace when I see him. He holds my hand when we talk - and we're just talking - but I can 'feel' that he believes in me. I think he 'sees' that I have a struggle going on in my life and somehow he's passing to me via his hand some of his positive energy and love. It's hard to explain, but I value it immensely. It makes me feel good. Hopefully in turn I pass that to others. . .

And conversely - you can do random acts of meanness - and I suppose that has ripple effects down the road as well.

So what random acts of kindness has someone done for you that you feel special about?

Don't forget to do random acts of kindness for someone else.

Love,
Chatty

Eagles and breathing . . .

"The Peace of Wild Things" by Wendell Berry found on Chet Day's website.

When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.




The eagle is not endangered anymore. They are alive and well in Alaska. I saw them everywhere. I thought they were beautiful. Strong and mighty. Free. Determined looking. Stately. Apparently they are not thought of that highly there - they are more thought of as a scavenger bird as they break into the garbage cans, etc. In fact small dogs beware - the eagles will come down and swoop them up (no kidding). The funny thing is - they don't know they are not well liked so there self-esteem has not been affected what-so-ever! They still think they are regal and stately.

(In Homer which I will get to later - there was a house - who used to belong to Jean Keene - she was known as the Eagle Lady - and when the eagles came over head - she used to feed them, nurse them, and bring them into Homer. I hear the people weren't to happy with her at first. )

Now a problem I'm experiencing is now that I have had this new experience - quite unlike any other I've ever had - now that I've experienced - it it's hard to go back to life as it once was. (I mean once you let a kid drive - can you take the car away?)

Learning to love Alaska, it's peacefulness, joy, beauty, knowledge, learning that being open to receive is much better than being closed off to deny, risk taking, happiness, excitement, blissful sleep, breathing, trying new things like gelato, talking to people, making friends, seeing new things, feeling happy, and for some reason I felt so safe there - anyway it has left me with a hole in my heart - an emptiness. I mean once you've experienced all that (having never had experienced that before) how does one come back and continue their life as normal? (Pain equals growth.) I wonder if the discomfort will go away? I ache. Once you've had a taste of a different life how can you life ever be the same again? I don't want it to be the same again. How do you go forward? What if when you come back not everyone is as joyful as you are about finding these new things for yourself? A lot to deal with I'll tell you, but let's more on through one lady's journal to the final frontier.



Just remember this secret - don't listen to what others tell you about you - decide for yourself your own self worth and sense self esteem. Remember down deep in your soul that it is a choice.

Be free and breathe like the eagle today and soar . . .

Chatty

PS. Do you know what a fainting goat is? And if your name is ClassyChassy you can't answer - you already know what it is.

PSS. Bet you thought I forgot to give you the answer from yesterday's riddle (well I almost did).

If you take off the beginning letter, and take the rest of the word and write it backward - then add the beginning letter on - it is the same word.

Example:

banana
what is left - anana
reverse it - anana
add the b - banana

I didn't get it either, but thought it was fun.

Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Brain!

Mindfull--------You must always have good things to think about. An empty mind is a vacuum awaiting destructive thoughts.

Something to think about . . .

Chatty

Saturday Meditations

Proverbs -
The wise man, even when he holds his tongue, says more than the fool when he speaks.

Yiddish Proverb-
What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your mouth.

Yiddish proverb -
A hero is someone who can keep his mouth shut when he is right.

Yiddish Proverb-
One old friend is better than twelve new ones.

Yiddish Proverb-One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world.

Jewish Proverb-
"Don't be so humble - you are not that great."

Golda Meir -
Pessimism is a luxury that a Jew can never allow himself.

Golda Meir-
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.

Albert Einstein-
Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

Albert Einstein-
When his wife asked him to change clothes to meet the German ambassador, Albert Einstein said "If they want to see me, here I am. If they want to see my clothes, open my closet and show them my suits."

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Albert Einstein -
The hardest thing in the world to understand is income tax.

Albert Einstein -
You can't control the wind, but you can adjust your sails.

Yiddish proverb -
Imagination is more important than knowledge.

Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton -
We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them .

Albert Einstein -
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.

Albert Einstein -Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

Some thoughts to mull and meditate over - from my beloved Jewish friend. Again, the serenity prayer comes to mind for me.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. men.
--Reinhold Niebuhr

Chatty

Fun Friday - Reading is fundamental

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies.

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment... For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'For reading a book?' she replies.

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again.

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.


MORAL : Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think. *****************************************************
Sick Leave

I urgently needed a few days off work,
But, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy'
Then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises!
My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb,
So, that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked,
'What in the name of good GOD are you doing ?'
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.'
Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'
I jumped down and walked out of the office...
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her,
'...And where do you think you're going?!'
(You're gonna love this....)


She said,
'I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!!
******************************************************
See Below - warning you might die laughing -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYmsr8Sy4K0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=un_PjRXV5l8&feature=email

Laughing is inner jogging.

Love,

Chatty


See the You Tube Below too....

Thursday's Thoughts - How To Handle Problems

Walk away from it until you're stronger. All your problems will be there when you get back, but you'll be better able to cope." ~ Lady Bird Johnson

This too, will pass.

Love,

Chatty

Wednesday's Whims (songs) - Feel the Fire by Dierks Bentley

Dierks Bentley - "Feel the Fire" I like this song about feeling the fire of life - if you stop, really stop, and breathe - then look around you - you can feel the passion and life in other people and things. Feel the vibrations.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSZoKKKQ2Qk&feature=email

I have accepted fear as part of life--specifically the fear of change. I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says turn back.- Erica Jong

Well, I've been doing my Blog and I had surgery last Friday. I thought I had two hernias instead it was the largest hernia the doctor eve saw - starting on one place in the stomach muscle and twisting and turning and coming out another whole side! Sore I am. I think I have the worlds largest cut! Anyway, not complaining - I'm been very lucky. I do believe what Clarence Goodbody said in It's A Wonderful Life. (I have to keep remembering that!)

So I haven't been checking Blogs and answering my wonderful Blog friends - but I'm back. I going to the doctor this am, but I'm going to see what you've been up to - tonight.

Thanks for all my comments. Love them.

Chatty

Tuesdays Ramblings - Timing is everything

TIMING IS EVERYTHING

CHATTY

Monday Mullings on challenges

"Challenges make you discover things about yourself that you never really knew. They're what make the instrument stretch -- what makes you go beyond the norm."– Cicely Tyson

Chatty

Be Unsettled!

“People wish to be settled: only as far as they are UNSETTLED is there any hope for them.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Love,Chatty

http://wandascountryhome.com/whitechristmas/index.html

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas . . .

Everyday is important . . .

There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day.
-Alexander Woollcott

Love,

Chatty

The Quality of the Harvest

The Quality of the Harvest

"Gardening, like your life, isn't a project you tend to when it's the right season. It takes planning and readiness all year long," the man told me.

I went to the local hardware store on Saturday looking for some parts I needed to fix a faucet in our kitchen. My wife has much confidence in my ability to figure how to do such things, but also knows it will take much longer than necessary and I'll injure myself. It did and I did.

Don't ask me how it happened, but I didn't injure myself working on the plumbing. I cut myself laying down contact paper under the sink. No, I didn't cut myself on the paper. I have no idea how this happened but it did. And it always does.

Maybe I should call this story "Things you can depend on." Not only because I injured myself but the fact that whenever I head out into the world I can depend on meeting someone with a message I needed to hear. Saturday was no different.

I wandered into the garden shop in search of Spring and signs of life. Spring is life and as I tell you often, life is in the details. Winter's details are brilliant, but I can't wait for Spring.

Although people maybe thinking and longing for Spring here, very few if any, are headed to the garden supply shops. Except for Peter.

Peter was about my age, average height, touches of white around each temple and when it came to gardening very knowledgeable.

"I didn't expect to see anyone in this section so early," I said as I entered the room.

"Why not?" he replied.

"Well Spring hasn't arrived yet. Although I've been carrying it around in my heart for months now." I said smiling.

"Well, my uninformed friend, gardening, like your life, isn't a project you tend to when it's the right season. It takes planning and readiness all year long," Peter told me.

Okay, he had my attention. I know I don't know much about gardening, but life? I pride myself on my life skills.

"But gardening is seasonal. I never saw anyone in their garden with snow up to their knees," I said.

"That's because a good gardener is inside planning, reading and yes growing. There are things we can grow early enough to get a head start on the season. Just like you should in life."

"Go on," I urged him.

"About five years ago, my wife died. One never plans for that. How could you? In life there is a season for that and we hadn't even come near that time. Using the same comparison, our two children were in their growing season. Like in gardening we tended to their needs with nourishment, special care and lots of love. The saddest thing is we never got to the best season of all," he said as he shook his head.

"Harvest time?" I asked.

"Yes, the harvest of our lives. The season after you have worked life's garden, planted for the future, and pulled all the weeds. The time to sit back and enjoy the fruits of our labor never came. At least not together. Our children are growing and they bring much life into my world. I see them blossoming into all that God had created them to be. But I see it alone." he said now lowering his head and turning away from me.

"Let me ask you something. I plant a seed and the flower grows. At the same time my neighbor down the street plants the same flower and it grows. Mine is thin, with few blooms. Hers is full and healthy looking. The same seed, different gardener. I would guess then that the gardener is reflected in the beauty of the flower, right?" I asked.

"Yes, I guess so."

"Then you are not alone, my friend, for the beauty of your wife is reflected in your children. God provided the seeds, you and your wife made them to grow, and when her harvest came early, she left the garden in good hands," I said.

"I never thought of it that way. You are right. The beauty that I see in my world is a reflection of her and I. They are with me always. Then so is she," he said now smiling.

Taking advantage of the moment I replied, "And I have gained a new insight on gardening and my life. You do reap what you sow and the quality of the harvest lies in the gardener. When it seems that the Winter in our lives will never leave, remember that "All the flowers of all our tomorrows are in the seeds of today." Robert H. Schuller"

Just then his children came running through the door.

"Here comes tomorrow's flowers," he said.

"Daddy, could we plant Daisies again this year?" one child asked.

"Yes, of course. They were Mom's favorite," he said.

"Ours, too!" they said in unison.

"That doesn't surprise me," Dad said as he smiled and kissed them.

Galatians 6:9 Let us not grow tired of doing good, for in due time we shall reap our harvest, if we do not give up.

Pretty story to end the week,
Chatty

Saturday Meditations

~ Meditations ~

My disclaimer or claim to meditation - the only reason I write, continue to write, and will write about meditation - it is not because I believe in that as a religion -I do not, but I do believe it's very, very, very, very (did I say very) healthy for us.

So during the day - many, many, many (Lol) times - stop and breathe. Watch yourself breathe. Think of nothing else at that time. Doing this does get your mind off your problems for the time being and it gives your mind a much needed rest.

When you're constantly busy, without a time out - you can wear your body out!

I'll share something about myself, my mind is always thinking, analyzing, sometimes worrying, planning, reading, writing -take my word for it. When I focus on my breathing (and breathing deep to where I see my diaphragm and stomach muscles actually moving) as many times a day as I can (remember to do) - it stops my mind for a minute and helps me to relax and calm down and actually stay more focused. I get more energy to do the things I really want to do.

The Atlanta Journal Constitution - Saturday, October 18, 2008

ZEN MEDIATION'S BENEFITS FOR MIND . . researchers say it may help with depression, OCD, other ailments . . . By Daniel Burke

Zen Buddhist meditation may help treat depression, attention-deficit disorder and anxiety, among other maladies, according to a recent study by Emory University neuroscientists.

Mental illnesses such as obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression are characterized in part by “excessive rumination” or runaway thoughts, said Giuseppe Pagnoni, a neuroscientist at Emory in Atlanta.

Zen meditators show an enhanced ability to control their mind’s focus and disentangle it from distracting or harmful preoccupations, Pagnoni argues. His paper, “Thinking about Not-Thinking: Neural Correlates of Conceptual Processing During Zen Meditation,” was published by the online journal Plos One in September.

Unlike other forms of meditation —- for example, imagining yourself on a tropical beach —- Zen discourages mental vacations and “prescribes a vigilant attitude” toward one’s present surroundings, as Pagnoni says. By focusing on the here and now, practitioners are less likely to get carried away, according to Buddhist teaching.

Using brain imaging scans, the Emory study compared 12 people with no meditation experience with a dozen who had practiced Zen meditation daily for at least three years. Pagnoni and his team monitored brain activity as the subjects were asked to distinguish between words or nonsensical jumbles of letters that periodically flashed on a screen before them. After the letters disappeared, the subjects were asked to focus on their breath —- a common Zen meditation practice —- as quickly as possible.

The brain scans showed that Zen meditators were able to stop their minds from wandering and return to focusing on their breathing much quicker than the non-meditators, according to Pagnoni.

“The regular practice of meditation may enhance the capacity to limit the influence of distracting thoughts,” Pagnoni told the online journal LiveScience.com.

Scientific interest in the therapeutic effects of Buddhist meditation has exploded in recent years, especially with the development of cutting-edge machines that can map neural activity.

The National Institutes of Health is financing more than 50 studies testing meditation, or “mindfulness techniques,” according to published reports. Studies suggest daily meditation can alleviate symptoms from hypertension, depression and stress as well as help the immune system fight off disease, according to psychotherapists.

In the past 30 years, Buddhist ideas and techniques have permeated every branch of psychotherapy, said Dr. Mark Epstein, author of “Psychotherapy Without the Self: A Buddhist Perspective.”

While meditation is useful in many ways, Epstein said, he rarely assigns it to patients in his New York City practice.

“The more entrenched the condition is —- like severe OCD or major depression —- the less helpful meditation will be,” Epstein said. “We should not talk about meditation as a panacea for all that stuff because it’s just setting people up for disappointment.”

Still, Epstein said clinical work like Pagnoni’s on the effect of meditation is important.

“It’s been very useful to have it documented in a material way,” Epstein said, “because that’s what people believe in our culture.”

Love, Chatty

Stroke of luck . . .

This was an interesting story - it appeared in the November/December AARPS magazine and on Opray October 21st. It's also a book - saw it at Barnes and Noble.

http://www.oprah.com/article/spirit/inspiration/pkgoprahssoulserieswebcast/20080512_oaf_oss_jboltetaylor
This is taken from Oprah's Website - hope you enjoy -

Jill Bolte Taylor

"When she was a young girl, brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor became fascinated with the functions of the human brain. Jill, one of Time magazine's 100 most influential people of 2008, has a brother with schizophrenia, and his brain disorder led Jill to dedicate her career to studying severe mental illnesses as a Harvard-trained neuroanatomist. While she worked to uncover the differences between the brains of people born with mental illnesses and those who were not, something remarkable happened to Jill's own brain—it went silent.

On December 10, 1996, at age 37, Jill awoke with intense pain behind her left eye—a blood vessel had exploded in the left hemisphere of her brain, and within hours, Jill could no longer walk, talk, read or write. She was suffering from an arteriovenous malformation—a rare type of stroke. While Jill struggled to phone for help, she was aware that the left hemisphere of her brain was shutting down, taking with it her language, organizing and other analytical skills. Without the dominant left side of her brain controlling her thoughts, Jill says her mind went silent, leaving only the right side of the brain functioning. Through the right side of her brain, Jill says her consciousness shifted away from reality—and the trauma her body was suffering through—and into a place of inner peace and Nirvana.

The experience was life-changing. Not only did Jill face years of recovery after her stroke—and major brain surgery to remove a large blood clot in her brain—she also discovered a better quality of life through increased use of the right hemisphere of her brain. She's now an artist as well as a scientist, creating anatomically correct stained-glass replicas of brains that are sold as fine art. She's also published My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey. The book explains in scientific detail exactly what happened during Jill's stroke and how she recovered. It also takes a closer look at how the right hemisphere of the brain works and how Jill says people with normal brains can access it to find their own inner peace and improve their quality of life and the lives of others. "

AARPS-November/December 2008

"Can a person tap into this bliss without suffering a stroke? Absolutely. When you're really paying attention to the richness of the present moment, that's right minded awareness. The left hemisphere is preoccupied with past and future, projecting fears, contemplating ideas that aren't relevant to the hear and now.

You have to learn to choose.

Stress is a frame of mind. If you're in traffic, relax and enjoy the moments. Standing in line? Observe rather than engage.

How can we learn to pull the plug?

Use your senses to pay closer attention to your environment. What does the air smell like? What are the sounds, the colors? What's happening in the distance. Focus on details. Try dancing."

In other's words - like I keep saying, breathe and pay attention to the movement of your breath - look at your diaphragm moving up and down.

If I ever got the nerve up to get a tattoo (one thing on my list that I want to do one day ?) - I would have the word ~breathe~ tattooed on my left wrist. Simply breathe. I've seen it done - it's beautiful.

Love, Chatty

Find Joy In the Journey

What You Need To Know

Nobody ever demanded you unravel every mystery of the cosmos, or make sense of all you learn.

There are things we will come to understand and things we will never fathom in our lifetimes—as well as things that are just beyond the gray matter within the human skull.

As humans, we are indignant about such limitations, as though the unknown has no right to stay unknown.

As though reality is defined by our ability to know it.

It may be hard to concede, but none of us is God. Our job description is not to know all things.

Our job is only to pick up those truths we will each need for our mission while we are here.

Love,
Chatty

All you need is deep within you waiting to unfold and reveal itself. All you have to do is be still and take time to seek for what is within, and you will surely find it.

-Eileen Caddy

"We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us." ~ Virginia Satir

Remember to vote!

I haven't taken a Bible Study in a long time - not because I haven't wanted too, the timing has been off. I could do it when it wasn't offered and it was offered when I was busy (same thing I guess). This year I was bound and determined to take one.

The only one offered at our church was 'Breaking Free - Making Liberty in Christ a Reality in Life' by Beth Moore. The only thing I knew was that Beth Moore Bible Studies for woman were supposed to be awesome. I signed up.

Well, no matter how many times I think I have all my 'past' behind me, something comes along to bring up another layer. I mean I really feel like I have gone over this so many times.

"I didn't remember until recently why I felt so uncomfortable on my wedding day some 20 years ago. I remember looking in the mirror with such disappointment. I had hoped to be a beautiful bride and, although Keith assures me with proper partiality that I was, I felt so much the opposite on my special day. My gown was rented, and I would not wear white because I did not feel pure-scars from being a childhood victim of someone else's problems." - Beth Moore

Oh no - Beth Moore was a victim of abuse as a child. She was in captivity from the abuse. She searched for years and years and years how to free herself from the bondage of it - hence the study came out 1999 - Breaking Free. I don't know much else about her story as it doesn't go into it a lot. Apparently she was the victim of abuse (sexual ?) by a relative I think. Her mom kind of had her own problems and was there, but missing in action if you know what I mean. The only way she got out of captivity from the past was through Jesus.

In this Bible study we're supposed to remove the obstacles in our path, tour the ancient ruins of our lives, bind up the brokenhearted part of us, make beauty from ashes - by letting God be the potter and we the clay - by his unfailing love.

Now don't get me wrong - I believe this wholeheartedly. I get it. All of it. I'm wondering about the other woman - do they get it? There are 15 of us. Last week we could discuss our past if we wanted too. Three of them had ministers as fathers. The other eleven had wonderful childhoods too and had wonderful Christian 'daddies'.

Maybe I'm not as over it as I think I am. I was a bit bitter in my heart. Sorry. I was thinking - what in the world do these woman know about pain and suffering? About abuse? What are they doing here in this study and who the heck picked it and why?

And, why did I have to go through that myself? Why couldn't I have had the wonderful Christian 'daddy' and the mother who was there with me, helping me instead of needing help herself? Why did I lose my brother the nearest and dearest person - the person who went though and survived all this with me? (Of course, the answer I always get is - Why not me? I also know that other people have things they are suffering with - even though it's different than mine.)

We talked about how we 'pay' for the sins of our parents. Being the way our parents were - their parents were - what we learned from them and how we can carry it on to our children. Or if we're blessed enough, we learn to let it go - through working hard and changing ourselves from what we learned.

I can't say I exactly relate to these women. I didn't talk - I didn't know quite what to say. Do I tell them I was abused? I mean the abuse is over. I once was a victim, but I no longer feel like a victim. I don't think of myself as a victim. Has it left scars? Yes, but do they need to know that? Do I need to share that?

The biggest issue I have remaining is the lack of feeling self worth - not all of the time - but definitely some of the time. Liking myself - inner acceptance - me loving and really accepting myself unconditionally.

Well I'm more than being honest today. I have a hard time telling people this and about the abuse. Yet here I blab to the whole world (?) - it's safe. It's hard to tell people.

Now did I pass problems down from my parents - through me - to my kids? Yes! Not the abuse part, but the self esteem part - how could they learn self-esteem when they didn't see it modeled for them? I feel that I taught them to be afraid instead of self confident. I was a perfectionist in my younger days. I was critical (I hate to admit it). So to my children I am sorry. I did my best at the time. Too bad I can't re-raise you now! I'm so much better and have so much more to give. Back then I was on survival mode. So pain and struggling does make you better . . .

So yes, I have grown and changed with age - I think for the better (Lol).

So - my advice to you and to the world is to learn to define who you are for yourself - in fact this is what I really feel - don't even define yourself. Why - what good does it do. Just be whoever you are - that 'went though' whatever particular circumstances you went through.

"We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us." ~ Virginia Satir (or ourself)

Never allow someone else to hurt you by defining you as bad including yourself. Everyone is good in their own way however they are.

Chatty

This is from my Jewish friend. I think it's a good thing to meditate about today.

The Ark

There is a raging storm at sea.

There are hellish waves that crash and pound at the shore, carrying all away, leaving desolation behind.

The sea is the world of making a living.

The waves are the stress and anxiety of indecision, not knowing which way to turn, on what to rely.

Up and down, hot and cold -- constantly churning back and forth.

Do as Noah did and build an ark.

"An ark" in Hebrew is taiva -- which means also "a word."

Your ark shall be the words of meditation and of prayer.

Enter into your ark, and let the waters lift you up, rather than drown you with everything else.

Love,

Chatty

Midlife Friends - We Learned The Hard Way . . .

I was giving some though to midlife and how different it is from the early years. Sometime my past seems, but a dream. Was it really me back then? Did all those things really happen? Who was that girl? Can't say I'd really go back to those years, unless, I could go back as smart as I am now and just have extra years, but that's silly. I'm good with now.

I was thinking about friendships. Friendships in the early year's vs. friendships in middle years. How much more my friends mean to me now (although I will say friends have always been an important part of my life). The kids are grown living their own lives (?), their own friends . . .

I just know so much more now. I know what type people make me feel good and vice-versa. I know nothing lasts forever. That you have to take care of your friends now.

I was thinking about my particular set of friends. Where they've come from and how long I've known them. I still have three friends from my high school years. I have one friend from college. A couple of friends from Chicago. A friend I worked who has since moved away.

Of course I have good friends here in Georgia. I even have a Jewish, male, stay at home dad friend I met at my grandson's preschool - he's a hoot! The only problem is he is addicted to the phone. Do you know anyone like that? He is on the phone I'll bet 8 hours a day. So I know when he calls it will be a long one - like yesterday as a matter of fact. 1 1/2 hours! I don't understand how he does it all the time! But when we talk, we talk. I devout that time to him and I end up always getting something back in return. Funny thing is he will tell me exactly like it is - no holds bared - both good and bad - so you always know where you stand.

A funny side note - My grandson tells me that a girl and a boy can't be 'friends'. They have to be in love each other. He's only 7. Now who told him that? I said well I friends with R. and I don't 'love' him like that and he acted like I shot him (teehee). He said well of course you don't love him. Not sure what all that meant exactly and was afraid to ask (Lol).

I moved and my friends have moved, but the friends I've kept - we're still great friends. Why is that? How is that? When we get together or talk, it's weird, we pick up exactly where we left off. Like there was no time between visits. Of course we do write and keep in touch. Thank goodness for the computer.

I guess the friends who I've kept and have (and who've kept me), I've kept because they are fabulous people! I trust them and believe in them. But how do we keep our friends and why? I think one reason we've kept our friendship alive is because we've all done the work to keep in touch and we've evolved together. We've evolved with life too. Friendship is an effort. There are lots of acquaintances in our lives - but you have to work at being friends - and while it can be work, hopefully it's enjoyable work. I think you have to have common ground and beliefs. There must be trust and understanding. I think to you have to be able to let loose and have fun and laugh with them and at times cry.

"Enthusiasm is everything. It must be taut and vibrating like a guitar string." ~ Pelé With friends you can be enthusiastic.

One man has enthusiasm for 30 minutes, another for 30 days, but it is the man who has it for 30 years who makes a success of his life.-Edward B. Butler

Thank goodness for my special friends.

I don't think you know what's going to happen when you're in your 20's. I think you take them for granted a bit. I've seen a lot of friends come and go. I've also lost a couple of good (or were they good) friends along the ways due to misunderstandings (if you can believe that Lol). I lost a dear friend in death when she was only 46.

When the heart grieves over what it has lost, the spirit rejoices over what it has left.-Sufi Epigram

I think when you get older you know the value of friends. Money can't buy them because they are priceless. You know their value. You know things are fleeting. You treat them with more respect than you did in your 20's. Guess you don't take them for granted.

True friendship touches the soul.

Aristotle defines friendship as 'a single soul dwelling in two bodies," while someone else I've heard, calls it a sacrament in which there is a pure 'transfusion of grace."

Friendships can be less judgemental than many kin relationships!

Friendships say - we're glad you're here.

Keep your friends, treat them good, love them, they are like gold.

Chatty, thanking God for her friends today . . .

This, too, shall pass . . . Monday Musings

Are you having a bad day?

You've heard these words before I'm sure 'this too shall pass'; but, sometimes when we're going through stress or problems, these are the last words we want to hear from anyone - even from a good friend!

I read them in a book recently and it's going to be my new mantra.

This, Too, Shall Pass

If I can endure for this minute
Whatever is happening to me,
No matter how heavy my heart is
Or how dark the moment may be-

If I can remain calm and quiet
With all the world crashing about me,
Secure in the knowledge God loves me
When everyone else seems to doubt me-

If I can but keep on believing
What I know in my heart to be true,
That darkness will fade with the morning
And that this will pass away, too-

Then nothing in life can defeat me
For as long as this knowledge remains
I can suffer whatever is happening
For I know God will break all of the chains

That are binding me tight in the darkness
And trying to fill me with fear-
For there is no night without dawning
And I know that my morning is near.

...Helen Steiner Rice

Love, Chatty

Saturday Meditations

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have! sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.'

There would have been more 'I love you's' More 'I'm sorry's.'

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it .

Live it and never give it back.

STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!

And this would be living,

Chatty

See post below!