Abuse is abuse is abuse . . .Climbing To The Top of the Mountain

It is not good for all our wishes to be filled; through sickness we recognize the value of health; through evil, the value of good; through hunger, the value of food; through exertion, the value of rest.
Greek saying

The following pictures aren't pretty. Abuse is never pretty - physical, verbal, or mental. They say a picture is worth a thousand words - so I'm giving you thousands of words today. If someone happens on to my Blog and sees this - and it speaks to them - even just one person, then maybe I can help someone understand and change. Help make the world a little better place.

Some people say that words don't hurt. Words hurt. A physical attack gives people a real picture to see - verbal abuse is much harder to see. I think that these pictures can give you a mental picture of verbal abuse. Some people don't take words seriously. I'm not saying physical abuse is better -it's horrible - all abuse is horrible. If you're a child I guess there isn't a whole lot you can do about it, more now I guess than years ago, but if you're an adult - there are a lot more options open to you. Get some type of help.

I had lunch with my friend Sunday - we talked about changing and how hard it was. She too was abused as a child. How does one get over the mental abuse? How can you get out of the victim mentality? You have to make a decision to get out -

This is her analogy with my embellishments:

It's like climbing Mt. Everest to change oneself. You see off in the far distance that there is some better place way out there in the distance. You know you don't like it where you're at - it hurts. It doesn't and oh how good it looks on top of that beautiful mountain. The air so fresh and clear. The sky so blue. And it's so dark and sad down here.

You then make your decision and you start out for that mountain top - it doesn't look so high or so far away when you first start out. It looks easy.

Then you start out. You find out it's not as close as you thought it was. It's actually very far away. You don't have the right shoes or clothes for the journey so you have to stop and pick up those things. Then you walk and walk and walk. You finally start getting to the loose rock at the bottom of that mountain and you start to stumble - even going backwards at times. You wonder what in the world were you thinking when you first started out? Do I really want to do this? Do I really want to get to the top of that mountain? Is it really a better place?

But you must keep going because you're in limbo land now - you can't possibly go back to where you were (you don't know how) - the snow is starting, there is ice underneath the snow- you go three steps forward and then two steps back. You have to propel yourself forward. You're getting bruised and torn up along the way. Are you sure it is worth the pain?

You walk this path for years and years and years. You finally have the warm snugly clothes you need for the journey, the heavy boots, the crampons, the poles to anchor you in, the food, warm hot chocolate . . .you're finally prepared for the final assent - my question is - do you think there will be more 'bumps' in the road? Yes! The good thing is - you can handle them now - you can say no - you don't have to take it any more. It's a choice you didn't have before.

Do you ever get to the actual top of that mountain? How long did or does it take? Is everyone on their own path on that mountain and on their own timing? Is every one's experience the same? Does everyone choose to go to the top of the mountain? I doubt it. . .

And if you do arrive at the top and you finally get to that safe place - are you really safe?

Do you get scars from the journey? Are the scars still there from the past? I think the answer is exactly like when you have surgery - you are better because of the surgery, but the scar remains - dark red at first, then fades to almost nothing -but it always slightly remains. At first that scar reminds you of the pain, but eventually (hopefully) that scar can represent your strength. You did it! You made it! You're strong!

So was it worth the trip? That is only for you to decide. For me, absolutely yes, but I'm still climbing. Hey, I'm only 55 (Lol). I am enjoying the journey of life now more than ever. I'm excited about the rest of my life and what it holds for me. I know there will be bumps and bruises along the way.

Now this is a special club to belong to - not everyone can be in it - my own kids are not in it. There is a difference between hearing this and understanding this - and getting this in your gut.

You do not have to be abused to belong to this club. You could be a survivor of anything you've had to go through in life - personally or with somebody else.

The big question is would I be as happy now, If I hadn't had the past I had. How would my life be different? Was the pain then, the process to get me to the joy now?

Think about it and start living now. Next week we'll take a much lighter topic.

Love,
Chatty

"We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us." ~ Virginia Satir

Remember to vote!

I haven't taken a Bible Study in a long time - not because I haven't wanted too, the timing has been off. I could do it when it wasn't offered and it was offered when I was busy (same thing I guess). This year I was bound and determined to take one.

The only one offered at our church was 'Breaking Free - Making Liberty in Christ a Reality in Life' by Beth Moore. The only thing I knew was that Beth Moore Bible Studies for woman were supposed to be awesome. I signed up.

Well, no matter how many times I think I have all my 'past' behind me, something comes along to bring up another layer. I mean I really feel like I have gone over this so many times.

"I didn't remember until recently why I felt so uncomfortable on my wedding day some 20 years ago. I remember looking in the mirror with such disappointment. I had hoped to be a beautiful bride and, although Keith assures me with proper partiality that I was, I felt so much the opposite on my special day. My gown was rented, and I would not wear white because I did not feel pure-scars from being a childhood victim of someone else's problems." - Beth Moore

Oh no - Beth Moore was a victim of abuse as a child. She was in captivity from the abuse. She searched for years and years and years how to free herself from the bondage of it - hence the study came out 1999 - Breaking Free. I don't know much else about her story as it doesn't go into it a lot. Apparently she was the victim of abuse (sexual ?) by a relative I think. Her mom kind of had her own problems and was there, but missing in action if you know what I mean. The only way she got out of captivity from the past was through Jesus.

In this Bible study we're supposed to remove the obstacles in our path, tour the ancient ruins of our lives, bind up the brokenhearted part of us, make beauty from ashes - by letting God be the potter and we the clay - by his unfailing love.

Now don't get me wrong - I believe this wholeheartedly. I get it. All of it. I'm wondering about the other woman - do they get it? There are 15 of us. Last week we could discuss our past if we wanted too. Three of them had ministers as fathers. The other eleven had wonderful childhoods too and had wonderful Christian 'daddies'.

Maybe I'm not as over it as I think I am. I was a bit bitter in my heart. Sorry. I was thinking - what in the world do these woman know about pain and suffering? About abuse? What are they doing here in this study and who the heck picked it and why?

And, why did I have to go through that myself? Why couldn't I have had the wonderful Christian 'daddy' and the mother who was there with me, helping me instead of needing help herself? Why did I lose my brother the nearest and dearest person - the person who went though and survived all this with me? (Of course, the answer I always get is - Why not me? I also know that other people have things they are suffering with - even though it's different than mine.)

We talked about how we 'pay' for the sins of our parents. Being the way our parents were - their parents were - what we learned from them and how we can carry it on to our children. Or if we're blessed enough, we learn to let it go - through working hard and changing ourselves from what we learned.

I can't say I exactly relate to these women. I didn't talk - I didn't know quite what to say. Do I tell them I was abused? I mean the abuse is over. I once was a victim, but I no longer feel like a victim. I don't think of myself as a victim. Has it left scars? Yes, but do they need to know that? Do I need to share that?

The biggest issue I have remaining is the lack of feeling self worth - not all of the time - but definitely some of the time. Liking myself - inner acceptance - me loving and really accepting myself unconditionally.

Well I'm more than being honest today. I have a hard time telling people this and about the abuse. Yet here I blab to the whole world (?) - it's safe. It's hard to tell people.

Now did I pass problems down from my parents - through me - to my kids? Yes! Not the abuse part, but the self esteem part - how could they learn self-esteem when they didn't see it modeled for them? I feel that I taught them to be afraid instead of self confident. I was a perfectionist in my younger days. I was critical (I hate to admit it). So to my children I am sorry. I did my best at the time. Too bad I can't re-raise you now! I'm so much better and have so much more to give. Back then I was on survival mode. So pain and struggling does make you better . . .

So yes, I have grown and changed with age - I think for the better (Lol).

So - my advice to you and to the world is to learn to define who you are for yourself - in fact this is what I really feel - don't even define yourself. Why - what good does it do. Just be whoever you are - that 'went though' whatever particular circumstances you went through.

"We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us." ~ Virginia Satir (or ourself)

Never allow someone else to hurt you by defining you as bad including yourself. Everyone is good in their own way however they are.

Chatty